Post
by handmade mute » Tue Mar 20, 2007 12:51 am
Uni: You've dropped the subjects, now you need to get a meeting organised with your coordinator about graduating mid year with.. well, anything. Getting out of the unhealthy, unsupportive environment is better than hanging on to get a degree you now have no intention of using. It isn't a failure, it's prioritising. And why pay for a whole year of uni more than you have to?
Family: The cuz thing: Your mum shouldn't have blamed your older cousin for your SI. You know it's wrong, so why are you wondering if you were a bad example to your younger cousin? If you want to protect her, keep trying to talk your mother out of the 'get over it' chat your mother thinks is necessary. If your cousin wants to come here for a break, more power to her. She's welcome, though call her mother first and see if it really was her idea that your mother stays over too. It probably wasn't. Explain, if that is the case, that between an active SIer and a youth worker, there really isn't much you can't handle, nor tricks you don't know. Tell your cousin how much you love her. Maybe make her a love journal or something??
Family: the other cuz thing: Well, if her partner in the business treats you badly again, pull the woman aside and ask what her problem is. If she doesn't like you being there, leave. It's her problem if she can't see the advantage of having two extra pairs of hands. You're only there to support the cuz anyway.
B: You've offered suggestions. Only she can make use of them. She has to want to help herself, stressing and worrying won't help. It isn't all your fault, you need to stop feeling guilty, because there's a lot more going on in her world than dealing with you. Do what you can, when you're able, but stop beating yourself up about the fact it isn't as much as she'd like. If you can't do it, you can't do it, and all the guilt in the world can't change it. It doesn't matter if it annoys her, you can only do as much housework as you're able.
Urges: You are doing so, so well. But you need to stop using your cousin as an excuse. You stopping won't have much of an impact, since you rarely see her anymore. You've gone about 6 months, you know, so enjoy it. Things are hard, and it's getting harder not to, but be kind to yourself instead of feeling like you need to have an iron grip on your emotions. If you fall, you fall. It isn't the end of the world.
Therapy: Go back. Even if you hate him, go back while you find someone better.
J: Do what you're doing. Keep the phone off the hook. You've talked her through what's happening in her life, but you're not physically able to sit for hours listening to the same thing over and over. Only she can change it. You've given the same suggestions more than enough times, if she isn't going to listen, why waste your breath? You can't emotionally support everyone when you're already drowning in stress. She's a big girl. She knows how to change the situation. If she won't do it, why should you have to listen?
FTC: I know she thinks it's a great place for you to be, but really, their treatment of you the other day was kinda rude. Give it another chance, since you're taking everything so personally right now, but then, if you're still not comfortable, leave. Just because she loves it there doesn't mean you have to.
BtB: Keep going with it, even though you want nothing more than to throw in the towel and say it's too hard. You've made a commitment, and it's actually good for you to be looking inwards so much, and finding positives.
Stress/anxiety: Well, it's hardly a shocker you're stressed, is it? All you can do is try and do things that relax you. Try to journal more, so that things aren't just kept inside, and write in your worry journal each night so maybe you'll get a good night's sleep.
Never underestimate the power of silence... 
