Stronger and more Beautiful than our Eating Disorder *ED*

[Licentia Poetica]

<center>'Cause we are beautiful no matter what they say
Yes, words won't bring us down, oh no
We are beautiful in every single way
Yes, words can't bring us down
Don't you bring me down today

- Christina Aguilera</center>




Jaded Melody came up with the idea to have a thread here on coping with Eating Disorders.

I thought, as well as a thread for coping and supporting each other, we could come up with our own collection of coping methods, ways of changing our thinking, fighting those pro-ED thoughts and actions, useful links, thought-provoking questions, and uplifting quotes. So I'll be adding some of those type of things to this first post.

This is to support each other, in fighting a DISEASE that makes you very sick and steals your life away from you. There are a million things you can be good at, and a million ways to be beautiful. An eating disorder isn't one of them.

Please know that all your feelings are valid here - it's a safe place to vent or talk about difficulties/ challenges in fighting this.

Please remember any numbers, or unhealthy methods will be removed.



Some useful links/resources:


On "feeling" fat

http://www.something-fishy.org/

On BDD and Self Esteem

ED or Diet?

The most common element surrounding all Eating Disorders is the inherent presence of a low self esteem.

Having an Eating Disorder is much mroe than just beingon a diet. An Eating Disorder is an illness that permeates all aspects of each sufferer's life, is caused by a variety of emotional factors and influences, and has profound effects on the people suffering and their loved ones.

Dieting is about losing a little bit of weight in a healthy way.

Eating Disorders are about trying to make your whole life better through food and eating (or lack of).

Dieting is about doing something healthy for yourself.

Eating Disorders are about seeking approval and acceptance from everyone through negative attention.

Dieting is about losing a bit of weight and doing it healthyfully.

Eating Disorders are about how life won't be good until a bit (or a lot) of weight is lost, and there's no concern for what kind of damage you do to yourself to get there.

Dieting is about losing some weight in a healthy way so how you feel on the outside will match how good you already feel on the inside.

Eating Disorders are about being convinced that your whole self-esteem in hinged on what you weigh and how you look.

Dieting is about attempting to control your weight a bit better.

Eating Disorders are about attempting to control your life and emotions throuh food/ lack of food -- and are a huge neon saying "look how out of control I really feel"

Dieting is about losing some weight.

Eating Disorders are about everything going on in life -- stress coping, pain, anger, acceptance, validation, confusion, fear -- cleverly (or not so cleverly) hidden behind phrases like "I'm just on a diet".

[whale5]

i really really lke this post just a day ago i really needed somewhere to vent about *ed* and body image stuff...but wasnt sure where to go for the support. good idea and i know this is a plave for support and help with this but it is ok to vent ya ???

[angelic212]

i like this post too,

thanks El for this post.

i will share some coping skills, right now im working on my coping book, and will add some stuff to post here.
can i post like affirmations and things like that?

[angelic212]

Affirmations:

Though no one can go back and make a new start, anyone can start from now and make a brand new end.

Never give up, for that is just the time and place the tide will turn.

If I have inside of me the stuff to make cocoons, then maybe the stuff to make butterflies is there, too.

To be upset over what I don’t have is to waste what I do have.
************************************
Life is an opportunity, benefit from it.
Life is beauty, admire it.
Life is bliss, taste it.
Life is a dream, realize it.
Life is a challenge, meet it.
Life is a duty, complete it.
Life is a game, play it.
Life is a promise, fulfill it.
Life is sorrow, overcome it.
Life is a song, sing it.
Life is a struggle, accept it.
Life is a tragedy, confront it.
Life is an adventure, dare it.
Life is luck, make it.
Life is too precious, do not destroy it.
Life is life, fight for it.
************************************************************************************************************
I will hold on. I will be brave. I am almost there. I will never give up.

Walking away from something that is bad for me is not quitting!

I have learned to treat myself gently because with a few exceptions, I am doing my best.
************************************************************************

will not feel guilty for caring for myself.

I will not be embarrassed by my pain. I will go through it with dignity. It will enhance me.

When I am in trouble, dwelling on it doesn't really help. I can feel sad, I can grieve, but eventually I have to move on. Time does heal, and when I am going through a difficult patch I will remember I don't want to make it any worse

When I put force and energy behind something, the results are powerful.

If I break my habits and shake up my day a bit, I will gain new impressions and understanding.

The more things I plan to do the more energy I will have.

I am in charge. I am responsible for the direction of my boat.

I am naturally beautiful when I am myself.
************************************************************************

[angelic212]

Focusing on the present moment will make me less anxious.

Today is the beginning of the rest of my life. It is a clean slate. I will begin it totally refreshed and just live it.

I carry within me all the essentials of a happy existence.

When I put my time to good use, I value myself and feel good.

If I expect recovery to be easy, I will become frustrated. The easy stuff doesn't teach us much what is difficult and challenging enhances my growth

I will be proud of my strengths and nurture them.

[angelic212]

What to do when you want to start restricting?

Some tips I've found useful so far:

1. Stay away from triggers. For me, TAF is not a trigger, but you've said yourself that it is for you so you probably should collect the e-mail addresses of everyone you want to keep in contact with and separate yourself from it. If you have triggering things in your house, get rid of them or put them away somewhere if you can. Avoid weighing yourself and excessive mirror-checking.

2. Make lists of all the reasons you love yourself, reasons your life will be better when you are healthy, things you like about your body that don't have to do with weight, et cetera. If you can't think of enough good reasons, ask a friend or two to help you add a few. Believe what they say- they see your true self.

3. Remind yourself why you can't let yourself fall back into those habits: whatever motivated you to recover in the first place, keep it with you somehow. Write it down and put it in your pocket if you need to.

4. When you are feeling triggered by something, leave or get rid of the trigger if possible. For instance, if in the grocery store you encounter a very thin girl, move on to the next aisle- don't keep on looking in morbid fascination.

5. Force yourself to identify what you're really feeling. Never say, "I feel fat." Instead, realize that you are feeling stressed, sad, angry, or some other emotion that might be causing you to want to restrict. Once you know what you are really feeling, you can begin to help yourself feel better.

Make a list of every single reason why you need to recover and use it to remind yourself. Write down the negative effects that it has had on every aspect of your life, and notice how your ED is the problem, not a solution to anything. Think about everything you want to do in life, everything that you ENJOY doing in life, and contemplate how great it would be to freely pursue it without being held back by these mental barriers your ED has built up. Remember that there is nothing stopping you from being the person and living the life you truly want to. Then get up, get yourself out there, and do something good for your body and know that your body, mind, life, future is thanking you for it.

this is something i found on the internet, i thought it might help.

what are your tips for when you feel like restricting and giving into the ed? what do you do to not give in to your ed behaviors?

[angelic212]

kcat said:

we want to to have a "PERFECT DAY"--maning we don't want to have ANY thoughts of being fat, ANY urges to look at bad websites, ANY urges, ANY bad feelings--so when we accomplish one or two good thing--even little ones, like logging off a bad website one second after logging on--we feel its somehow "not enough." It IS ENOUGH. Think back to a time where it wasn't even something you could do, not even that one littke thing, and love it for what it is.[/quote/

this was posted in one of my post in the workshop , and this is so true!

[jaded melody]

i really really lke this post just a day ago i really needed somewhere to vent about *ed* and body image stuff...but wasnt sure where to go for the support. good idea and i know this is a plave for support and help with this but it is ok to vent ya ???

Yes this is definitely the place for venting about ED stuff if you dont want to do it in your Place thread or anywhere else. Nobody will judge anyone here.

[lollypop]

I dont really believe I have an eating disorder, probably cus it doesnt affect me every day. It is an issue to me though, more so at present than it has been in a long time.

Thank you Pink 212, I've found it helpful reading through your posts here.

I think I need to ask my work colleague to stop bringing food into the office. She knows I'm stressed and so tries to help by buying chocolates and crisps. This just means I eat them all and so am more likely to be triggered.
I'm scared of asking her though. Not sure how to say it. She's the one person in my office who knows a bit about my past, so I guess she's the easiest to say it to, but I feel that by asking I'm drawing attention to myself. I dont want her to know its an issue (but then wierdly another part of me does).

Another thought - my eating is not related to weight issues really. Its more as a replacement to SI I guess as it leaves no visible scars so I can hide it better.

L

[Spidey]

my ed could have killed me.
in fact, it almost did.
i thought because i was fat that it couldn't do anything and well, what the heck. keep throwing up and life would be better.
oh wrong.

life is a precious gift. do you really really want to die from something so...preventable? or go when your time is really, truly up?

is this really worth your life and your time?

[jaded melody]

*rant - may be triggering*
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I feel horrible today. My skin is dry and awful and i feel tired and weak. I know this is because im not eating properly. I know that my acne would be better if i ate right. I take vitamins and stuff but i know thats not enough. I dont know why I do this. I dont want to be ill, I want to be healthy, but I dont want to "recover". I really dont. I dont know why but it all seems worth it because my jeans are getting loose again. Its a complete paradox. I still dont really, really believe that its an ED at all. My weight is not particularly low, so I dont see it as a problem.

I've barely eaten today - snacked on some grapes, a few crisps, bit of smoked salmon, a cold sausage which i couldnt eat all of, i had to cut off the ends to make it smaller, and some soup. Why does that feel like too much? I chewed and spat out some crisps, several teaspoons full of rice... i meant to eat them but i couldnt swallow them.

My brain says, "just a few more pounds and then i'll stop. I doubt im even going to lose any weight. you need to not eat just to make sure you dont gain."

What the hell is WRONG with me? I feel like a complete freak.

*sigh*

[whale5]

jaded melody: im really sorry hun plese dont feel like a freak:) i completelt understand how u feel about knowing its bad but continueing and not wanting to "recover" cuz u know u are lossing it. im here to talk and offer hugs if thats ok.
ranting......possible trigs......

today sucked. i try to run before i go to school and then again when i get home. this week has been so exhausting though and im just sooo tired. i could get myself up this mornign to run then i got to school and hated myself for wanting to eat. im fully and completely disgusted with myself. i cant handle the feeling of hunger and wanting to eat when i know i cant or shouldnt!! i just dont understand it, how could people possibly stand looking at me when i cant even guh its just sooo frustrating. so i got home and ran a couple miles with my dogs, took a nap, im trying to do some homework now, but afterwords i fully plan on running again before going to bed especially after wat i ate today guh!!! im soo mad at myself. i hate this feeling ....

i feel soo vain for feeling this way though...i wish, i want, i would do ANYTHING just to be satisfied with my body to go a day without worrying about what im going to see when i see my reflection. i can only imagine wat goes through others minds when they see me

im soo over it all....sorry for ranting and sounding like a fool...

[Licentia Poetica]

[StevieLynn]

My ED is scaring me. When I talked with Dawn (my T) on Tuesday, she made me worry. She doesn't like the size my clothes are when they were such a different size only two months ago. She doesn't like that my periods are getting lighter. She thinks I may pass out if I try to exercise much. I'm scared.

I ate breakfast today because I'm scared of what this ED is doing to me. I want to purge. I haven't, and I'm posting here on BUS to try to keep me from it. I went snowboarding yesterday and thought I might pass out. This isn't good and I don't know how to be healthy. And now I'm moving and won't have Dawn anymore to help me. What am I going to do?

Whale5, I know how you are feeling. I too wish I could go one day without stepping on a scale or worrying how others will view me because I'm "fat". I know I'm not, but I feel like I am, and in my mind, that's all that matters.

Pink212, thanks for the lists of stuff. You've found some good resources, it seems.

Love,
Stevie

[Silentdancer]

Okay...I need to vent so here it goes...

Why is it that society breeds women to feel like they need to be sickly thin? Why do I buy into it? I know my eating issues are deeper than the media, and it isn't fair to blame it on that, but I am really struggling, and I don't know what to do.

I know what I do is dangerous, and it could kill me, but I can't stop. I pride myself in being thin and though I am slowly disappearing, I think I am fat. In my head, I know I am not, but when I look in the mirror, or I step on that scale, I certainly feel and believe that I am overweight.

I am pregnant. I should be gaining weight...not losing weight. I am trying, and despite carrying a child, I can't manage to get it under control.

I am not sure where I am going with this. I just needed to get it out.

[Licentia Poetica]

It must be had knowing you're meant to be gaining weight and yet you still have all these ED thoughts telling you otherwise The media is stupid and only in it to make money.

Maybe you could really focus on the needs of your baby?

Could you try thinking of your baby and you as separate, and you need to give it nourishment, even if you feel like you have to deprive yourself?

It's really important, especially because you're pregnant. Are you seeing a doctor on a regular basis to check how the little one is doing?

[whale5]

anyone on to talk.... :/ distractions much needed...sorry for asking

[MusicalMorphine]

*Probably triggering*





Can I just ask, what constitutes as an eating disorder exactly? I know I can't diet atm, but if I tried to diet I know I'd just end up not wanting to eat at all, which is what has happened previously. I would feel good about not eating, I liked the feeling. And felt so disgusting when I did eat. However I don't think I lost hardly any weight. I don't even know if I needed to.

I know you don't have to be stick thin to have a eating disorder obviously, but I was wondering when it does become and ED.

[thisshallbeformusic]

just an fyi... purging does not get rid of calories. the minuet food hits your body it starts absorbing nutrients. my T told me that wed. i'm really struggling w/my ed right now. so really all purging does is damage. you have still eaten the calories and will still have to pay the consequences... i know that's no consolation but maybe it gives us better perspective and an encouragement to not eat forbidden foods or too much in the first place...

[StevieLynn]

Hey, guys? Could we try not to post sizes/weights/ED mechanisms? I don't know about anyone else, but it makes me feel competitive and triggered.

Anyway....

I found this song on a new CD I bought, and I thought the lyrics would be nice to post here. Hope you all like them.

Stay Beautiful by Taylor Swift

You're beautiful
Every little piece love, don't you know
You're really gonna be someone, ask anyone
When you find everything you looked for
I hope your life leads you back to my door
Oh but if it don't, stay beautiful

I find it inspiring, at any rate.

Love,
Stevie