I just feel like I could not cope last night,and I was up to 2:30 am,and I slip with SH,cause I could not get what my therapist said to me out of my mind.There are soo many times that I feel that it is getting to overwhelming for me,and I want to cry so bad
. I feel so alone and I just do not know where to turn,the whole time that I was up, I could not get her words out of my mind. I feel like a faliure with this illness,which is Borderline Personality Disorder and I feel like I will never get better,of course I want to get better,it is the way I am feeling inside. I hate being alone when I get like that and I do not know where to go,and of course the panic attacks do not help. I need a hug from someone and I am so tired,but I keep hanging in there as best as I can.What do I do with my emotions and feelings when they are soo strong and uncomfortable that I can not handle them,SH,was my own way of coping and i want to get better,but it is hard to change behaviors over night. I am scared to get better,which I hope is a normal feeling,but I hate this illness and there are times that I do not like myself. I am just venting my feelings right now. If anyone wants to PM me,you can. I am soo mad right now,but I know that I can not keep punishing myself it is not healthy. I am sorry for going on like this,just need to get it out. Thanks
I am in a dark place like a turtle afraid to deal with the pain that I do not want to feel,but eventually I will slowly face my pain,like the turtle when he comes out of his shell.
To find yourself,think of yourself first.
