my coping space

[angelic212]

When you cant go on

I'm sorry you're hurting so desperately right now. I know how painful the seconds, minutes and days can be, how long the nights are.

I understand how very hard hanging on is and how much courage it takes

I ask though that you hold on to one day, just one day and slowly the despair will pass. These feelings you feel you're trapped in will serve their purpose and then fade away.

Difficult to imagine isn't it? Almost impossible to believe when every cell in your body it seems is crying out in agony, desperately in need of comfort. When it feels like the only thing in the whole world that can touch your pain and banish it is beyond your grasp.

And after all this time, the assurance that you will heal has become empty and broken promise. Just let one cell in your body believe in the promise of healing. just one and you can then surrender every other cell to your despair.

Just that one little cell of faith that you can heal and be whole again is enough to keep you going, is enough to lead you through the darkness. Although it can't banish your suffering it can sustain you until the time comes for you to let your pain go. The letting go can only occur in its own time, as much as we would like to push the pain away forever.

HOLD ON- Hold on to appreciate the beauty of the earth, to feel the songs of the birds in your heart, to learn and to teach, to laugh a genuine laugh, to dance on the beach, to rest peacefully, to expereince contentment, to want to be in no other place but in the here and now and to trust yourself and to trust your life.

HOLD ON-Because it's worth the terrible waiting

HOLD ON- Because you are worthy.

HOLD ON- Because the wisdom that will follow you out of this darkness will be a tremendous gift

HOLD ON-Because you have so much love and joy waiting to be experienced.

HOLD ON- because life is precious, even though it can bring terrible losses.

HOLD ON- Because there is so much that you can't now imagine waiting ahead on your journey- a destiny only you can fulfill.

HOLD ON- although you are exhausted and your grasp is shaky, and you want more than anything to let go sometimes, hold on even though

PLEASE HOLD ON

So much in life can be difficult even impossible to understand. I know, I know.. so many of us have cried in dispair, why? why? why? and still the answers and the comfort failed to show

Survival can be a long and lonely road in spite of all of those who've stumbled down the path before you. It can be a treacherous and torturous journey- so easy to get lost and yet impossible to avoid even one painful step.

And the light, the light at the end of the dark tunnel for so long cannot be seen although eventully you'll begin to feel its warmth as you move forward. Forward you must move in order to get through the hell of remembering the despair, rage, and of grief. Keep looking forward.

Rest if you must, doubt your ability to survive the journey if you have to, never let go but never let go of the guide ropes, although your hands feel empty they are there. Please trust me, they are there.

When you're exhuasted and all you have to count on is a weak and weary faith, hold on.

When you think you want to die, hold on till you recognise that it's not death you seek but for the pain to go away.

Hold on because the darkness will surely fade away

PLEASE HOLD ON

PLEASE HOLD ON

PLEASE HOLD ON

PLEASE HOLD ON

PLEASE HOLD ON

PLEASE HOLD ON

[angelic212]

How can I manage my anxiety better?

As we have learned, anxiety is not an illness and so can't be cured. If we can break into the vicious circle, however, we can learn ways of reducing our anxiety and getting it to be more manageable. We can work on at least four different areas:

Understanding our anxiety better.
Reducing physical symptoms.
Altering our thoughts related to anxiety.
Changing our behaviours related to anxiety.

1. Understanding anxiety
You may already by now have some ideas about what is causing your anxiety. The following sections will give advice on how to break out of the vicious circle that keeps anxiety going. Before you can do this though, it is really useful for you to understand your own anxiety better. Is your anxiety related to certain situations, places or people? Is it worse at particular times of the day? Are there realistic worries you have that would make anyone anxious? The following two exercises should help you to understand your anxiety better.

i) Anxiety Diary - for a period of two weeks (or longer if you prefer) keep an hourly diary of your anxiety and activity level. Rate your anxiety from 0-10. Note down anything that seems important. Were you at work or home, who were you with, what were you doing, what were you thinking about? You may start to become more aware of situations that make you anxious or that you may even be avoiding. What is your general level of stress like? This information will help you begin to tackle your anxiety.

ii) If you become aware that you have a realistic worry or problem that you feel may be causing you anxiety, a problem solving approach may help.

A good way to begin is to write down a problem. Define it as clearly as you can. For example "I never have any money", is too vague, something like "I owe £3000 to different credit card companies" is more helpful. Next, write down as many possible solutions as you can. It doesn't matter how silly you may think the solutions are, the point is to think of as many as you can. Try to think how you have solved similar problems in the past. Ask a friend what they might do. Think to yourself what you might advise a friend to do if they had the same problem, eg possible solutions:

get all debts on one loan with less interest;
agree on affordable payments;
see a debt counsellor;
get a part time job;
sell car.
If you have a problem that may be making you anxious, try writing it below:




Now list as many possible solutions as you can:











Choose what seems like the best solution and write down all the steps it would take to achieve that solution. Who might help?, what might go wrong?, often it is helpful to think "what is the worst thing that could happen?" If you can think of a plan to cope with this, your anxiety might reduce.

If you are trying to come up with a plan to tackle a problem that has been worrying you for some time, it is often helpful to discuss this with a friend or even your doctor.

Stressful lifestyle - general tips
Nowadays life is often stressful, and it is easy for pressures to build up. We can't always control the stress that comes from outside but we can find ways to reduce the pressure we put on ourselves:

Try to identify situations you find stressful by noticing the beginnings of tension.
Take steps to tackle what it is about these situations that you find stressful.
Make sure you have time for things you enjoy.
Take up a relaxing hobby.
Make sure you get enough sleep.
Eat a well balanced diet.
Take regular exercise.
Learn to relax.
2. Reducing physical symptoms

Relaxation
In order to reduce the severity of physical symptoms it is useful to 'nip them in the bud', by recognising the early signs of tension.

Once you have noticed early signs of tension you can prevent anxiety becoming too severe by using relaxation techniques. Some people can relax through exercise, listening to music, watching TV or reading a book.

For others it is more helpful to have a set of exercises to follow. Some people might find relaxation or yoga classes most helpful, others find tapes useful. You may be able to obtain a relaxation tape from your GP, and there are also a wide number of relaxation tapes available in the shops.

Relaxation is a skill like any other which needs to be learned, and takes time. The following exercise teaches deep muscle relaxation, and many people find it very helpful in reducing overall levels of tension and anxiety.

Deep muscle relaxation - it is helpful to read the instructions first and to learn them eventually. Start by selecting a quiet, warm, comfortable place where you won't be disturbed. Choose a time of day when you feel most relaxed to begin with. Lie down, get comfortable, close your eyes. Concentrate on your breathing for a few minutes, breathing slowly and calmly: in two-three and out two-three. Say the words "calm" or "relax" to yourself as you breathe out. The relaxation exercise takes you through different muscle groups, teaching you firstly to tense, then relax. You should breathe in when tensing and breathe out when you relax. Starting with your hands, clench one first tightly. Think about the tension this produces in the muscles of your hand and forearm.

Study the tension for a few seconds and then relax your hand. Notice the difference between the tension and the relaxation. You might feel a slight tingling, this is the relaxation beginning to develop.
Do the same with the other hand.

Each time you relax a group of muscles think how they feel when they're relaxed. Don't try to relax, just let go of the tension. Allow your muscles to relax as much as you can. Think about the difference in the way they feel when they're relaxed and when they're tense.

Now do the same for the other muscles of your body. Each time tense them for a few seconds and then relax. Study the way they feel and then let go of the tension in them. It is useful to stick to the same order as you work through the muscle groups:

Hands - clench first, then relax.
Arms - bend your elbows and tense your arms. Feel the tension especially in your upper arms. Remember, do this for a few seconds and then relax.
Neck - press your head back and roll it from side to side slowly. Feel how the tension moves. Then bring your head forward into a comfortable position.
Face - there are several muscles here, but it is enough to think about your forehead and jaw. First lower your eyebrows in a frown. Relax your forehead. You can also raise your eyebrows, and then relax. Now, clench your jaw, notice the difference when you relax.
Chest - take a deep breath, hold it for a few seconds, notice the tension, then relax. Let your breathing return to normal.
Stomach - tense your stomach muscles as tight as you can and relax.
Buttocks - squeeze your buttocks together, and relax.
Legs - straighten your legs and bend your feet towards your face. Finish by wiggling your toes.
You may find it helpful to get a friend to read the instructions to you. Don't try too hard, just let it happen. To make best use of relaxation you need to:
Practise daily.
Start to use relaxation in everyday situations.
Learn to relax without having to tense muscles.
Use parts of the relaxation to help in difficult situations, eg breathing slowly.
Develop a more relaxed lifestyle.
This relaxation exercise may be available on tape from your GP.
Remember relaxation is a skill like any other and takes time to learn. Keep a note of how anxious you feel before and after relaxation, rating your anxiety 1-10.

Controlled Breathing
Over-breathing: it is very common when someone becomes anxious for changes to occur in their breathing. They can begin to gulp air, thinking that they are going to suffocate, or can begin to breathe really quickly. This means they end up with the wrong amount of carbon-dioxide. This has the effect of making them feel dizzy and therefore more anxious.

Try to recognise if you are doing this and slow your breathing down. Getting into a regular rhythm of in two-three and out two-three will soon return your breathing to normal. Some people find it helpful to use the second hand of a watch to time their breathing. Other people have found breathing into a paper bag or cupped hands helpful. For this to work you must cover your nose and mouth.

It takes at least three minutes of slow breathing or breathing into a bag for your breathing to return to normal.

Distraction
If you take your mind off your symptoms you will find that the symptoms often disappear. Try to look around you. Study things in detail, registration numbers, what sort of shoes people are wearing, conversations. Again, you need to distract yourself for at least three minutes before symptoms will begin to reduce.


Whilst relaxation, breathing exercises and distraction techniques can help reduce anxiety it is vitally important to realise that anxiety is not harmful or dangerous. Even if we did not use these techniques, nothing awful would happen. Anxiety cannot harm us, but it can be uncomfortable. These techniques can help reduce this discomfort.

3. Altering your thoughts related to anxiety
We have seen the role that thoughts have in keeping going the vicious circle of anxiety. Sometimes there may also be pictures in your mind.
To give an example, imagine you are running for a bus one day. All of a sudden you get a pain in your chest and feel really breathless. The thought goes through your mind, "I'm having a heart attack". This thought is of, course, very frightening, and so your heart starts to beat faster which makes you think "there really must be something wrong with my heart". You may very well have a picture of the ambulance on its way and you in a stretcher.

Now think about the following questions and write down the answers:


1) What are the thoughts that most often go through your mind when you feel anxious?



2) Do you have any pictures of what might happen?



3) Are there any thoughts that make you feel worse?



It isn't always that easy to know what you are thinking that is making your anxiety worse.

The sort of thoughts that make people anxious can come and go in a flash, and may be so much of a habit that they are automatic. They may be so familiar that they just feel like part of you.

Try to keep a diary over the course of two weeks. Write down your own thoughts in situations where you are anxious.

Now, try to imagine the last time you felt very anxious. Try to run through it like a film, in as much detail as you can. See if you can write down any frightening thoughts now.

Remember any thoughts can count. No thought is too small or too silly. Even "oh no" or "here we go again" can increase tension and anxiety.

Frightening Thoughts:


Once you know what it is you are thinking, you can begin to fight back, and break the vicious circle.

In particular, ask yourself:

1. Am I exaggerating, eg "everything is bound to go wrong it always does".
2. Am I jumping to conclusions, eg "I have a pain in my chest therefore it must be my heart".
3. Am I focusing just on the bad things, eg "I had a really bad day yesterday" (ignoring that this followed a few good days).

Use these questions to help yourself answer back. A good way of doing this is to write two columns - one for your thoughts that make you anxious, and the other for a more balanced thought, eg:


Anxious thought Balanced thought
The dizzy feeling means I'm going to faint. I have had it many times before and have not fainted. I have fainted once and that felt really different
I'm going mad I have not gone mad yet, and the doctor tells me anxiety is not madness.

Write down some of your thoughts now and write as many answers as you can. This question might also help. What would you say to a friend who was thinking that way? The aim is to get faster at "catching" these anxious thoughts and answering back almost instantly. It takes a lot of practice, but really does work.

4. Changing behaviour related to anxiety

Try to recognise when you are avoiding things and wherever possible try to tackle these fears, not all at once but in a gradual way.
Set yourself very small goals. Write down here goals that you would like to tackle. Start with the easiest first and tick off any activity you achieve.
People often get into the habit of escaping from situations that make them anxious. Instead of escaping try gradually to increase how long you stay in a situation that makes you anxious. Anxiety often reaches a peak, then starts to go away naturally. If you stay in an anxious situation what do you predict will happen to your anxiety? People often think it will just keep getting worse and worse. This is not the case. It will start to come down.
People not only avoid situations and try to escape, they also often do things to make themselves feel more safe, eg hanging on to a shopping trolley, lying down. These "safety behaviours" may help at the time, but they also help to keep the anxiety going because the anxious person never learns that nothing awful would have happened even if the trolley wasn't there. Also, imagine how frightening it would be if no trolley was available.
Try to do things to test out whether your anxious thoughts are realistic?, eg "would I really faint if I didn't get out?"
It really is very important to recognise that the more you avoid something, the more difficult it will seem to overcome, which will in turn make you more anxious.
What treatment is available for anxiety?

Most people with anxiety can benefit from self help such at this leaflet.
Your family doctor, health visitor or practice nurse may also be able to give you further help in dealing with anxiety.
Occasionally, doctors prescribe tablets for anxiety. These should only be taken for short spells to get over specific anxiety provoking situations.
Your doctor may also refer you to a mental health worker or counsellor if your anxiety does not respond to self-help alone.
Anxiety Management Groups or classes are often run in local surgeries or Community Health Centres. Please let your doctor know if you would be interested in such classes.
Where can I find help if I think I am suffering from anxiety?

First, we hope you will use the advice in this self help guide. You should find it helpful. If having used the guide you feel you need more help, you should discuss this with your GP, who will tell you about alternative treatments and local services. There are a number of self help books that other people have found helpful. These books may be available from your local library.

Helen Kennerley: Managing Anxiety.
David Burns: The Feeling Good Handbook.
Dr Clare Weeks: Self Help for your Nerves.
Susan Jeffers: Feel the Fear and Do it Anyway.

[angelic212]

Guide to Developing aWRAP- Wellness Recovery Action Plan
The following handout will serve as a guide to developing Wellness Recovery Action Plans. It can be used by people who are experiencing psychiatric symptoms to develop their own guide, or by health care professionals who are helping others to develop Wellness Recovery Action Plans.

This handout, or any part of this handout, may be copied for use in working with individuals or groups.

Getting Started

The following supplies will be needed to develop a Wellness Recovery Action Plan:
a three ring binder, one inch thick
a set of five dividers or tabs
a package of three ring filler paper, most people preferred lined
a writing instrument of some kind
(optional) a friend or other supporter to give you assistance and feedback

Section 1-Daily Maintenance List

On the first tab write Daily Maintenance List. Insert it in the binder followed by several sheets of filler paper.

On the first page, describe, in list form, yourself when you are feeling all right.

On the next page make a list of things you need to do for yourself every day to keep yourself feeling alright.

On the next page, make a reminder list for things you might need to do. Reading through this list daily helps keep us on track.

Section 2-Triggers

External events or circumstances that, if they happen, may produce serious symptoms that make you feel like you are getting ill. These are normal reactions to events in our lives, but if we don't respond to them and deal with them in some way, they may actually cause a worsening in our symptoms.

On the next tab write "Triggers" and put in several sheets of binder paper.

On the first page, write down those things that, if they happened, might cause an increase in your symptoms. They may have triggered or increased symptoms in the past.

On the next page, write an action plan to use if triggers come up, using the Wellness Toolbox at the end of this handout as a guide.

Section 3-Early Warning Signs

Early warning signs are internal and may be unrelated to reactions to stressful situations. In spite of our best efforts at reducing symptoms, we may begin to experience early warning signs, subtle signs of change that indicate we may need to take some further action.

On the next tab write "Early Warning Signs". On the first page of this section, make a list of early warning signs you have noticed.

On the next page, write an action plan to use if early warning signs come up, using the Wellness Toolbox at the end of this handout as a guide.

Section 4-Things are Breaking Down or Getting Worse

In spite of our best efforts, our symptoms may progress to the point where they are very uncomfortable, serious and even dangerous, but we are still able to take some action on our own behalf. This is a very important time. It is necessary to take immediate action to prevent a crisis.

On the next tab write, "When Things are Breaking Down". Then make a list of the symptoms which, for you, mean that things have worsened and are close to the crisis stage.

On the next page, write an action plan to use "When Things are Breaking Down" using the Wellness Toolbox at the end of this handout as a guide.

Section 5-Crisis Planning

In spite of our best planning and assertive action, we may find ourselves in a crisis situation where others will need to take over responsibility for our care. We may feel like we are totally out of control.

Writing a crisis plan when you are well to instruct others about how to care for you when you are not well, keeps you in control even when it seems like things are out of control. Others will know what to do, saving everyone time and frustration, while insuring that your needs will be met. Develop this plan slowly when you are feeling well. The crisis planning form includes space to write:

those symptoms that would indicate to others they need to take action in your behalf
who you would want to take this action
medications you are currently taking, those that might help in a crisis, and those that should be avoided
treatments that you prefer and those that should be avoided
a workable plan for at home care
acceptable and unacceptable treatment facilities
actions that others can take that would be helpful
actions that should be avoided
instructions on when the plan no longer needs to be used

[angelic212]

Positive Mind/Body Affirmations

I handle stress and tension appropriately and effectively.

My mood is calm and relaxed.

I can cope well and get on with my life during times of stress.

I think thoughts that uplift and nurture me.
I enjoy thinking positive thoughts that make me feel good about myself and my life.
I deserve to feel good right now.
I feel peaceful and calm.
My breathing is slow and calm.
My muscles are relaxed and comfortable.
I feel grounded and fully present.
I can effectively handle any situation that comes my way.
I think through the solutions to my emotional issues slowly and peacefully.
I am thankful for all the positive things in my life.
I practice the relaxation methods that I enjoy.
My body is healthy and strong.
I eat a well balanced and nutritious diet.
I enjoy eating delicious and healthful food.
My body wants food that is easy to digest and high in vitamins and minerals.
I do regular exercise in a relaxed and enjoyable manner.
Self-Esteem Affirmations

I am filled with energy, vitality, and self-confidence.
I am pleased with how I handle my emotional needs.
I know exactly how to manage my daily schedule to promote my emotional and physical well-being.
I listen to my body's needs and regulate my activity level to take care of those needs.
I love and honor my body.
I fill my mind with positive and self-nourishing thoughts.
I am a wonderful and worthy person.
I deserve health, vitality, and peace of mind.
I have total confidence in my ability to heal myself.
I feel radiant with abundant energy and vitality.
The world around me is full of radiant beauty and abundance.
I am attracted only to those people and situations that support and nurture me.
I appreciate the positive people and situations that are currently in my life.
I love and honor myself.
I enjoy my positive thoughts and feelings


what you can do with affirmations is write affirmations on index cards or pieces of paper and decorate them in a creative way and take them with you. you can pick three cards with you for the day and when you hear those negative voices saying bad stuff to you , you take out the cards and read the affirmation either outloud or to your self . practice affirmations daily. you may not believe them at first , but if you practice using affirmations to have a positive mind and thoughts you will soon start to believe them .

[angelic212]

en Strategies to Get and Keep Motivated
Source Unknown
When I am depressed I often find myself doing the same things every day. I often put off doing the things I need to do or would like to do. As a result, the pile seems to get bigger and soon overwhelms me completely. How can I start to change this?

There are some things I can do to help myself. I can begin doing what needs to be done. I shall:

1. Make a list of all things I have been putting off.

2. Ask myself which of these needs to be done first? Which is next important? Arrange the list in order of priority. If I can't decide, I shall simply put them in alphabetical order. I could stick a pin in the list to decide. The important thing is to do something.

3. Take the first task. Break it down into small steps. Ask myself what do I need to do to complete it?

4. Go through the steps in my mind: I shall visualize myself doing it. If I think of anything, which might stop me from doing it, I shall write it down. I shall try to work out how to get around this obstacle. I shall imagine a stream flowing around a rock. How might I 'flow' around this obstacle?

5. Write down any negative thoughts I have about doing things. What do I say to myself which blocks me from doing this?

6. Take each task step by step. I shall do it exactly as I did in my mind. I shall deal with any negative thoughts I have by putting them to one side. I shall put them in a box; I shall deal with them later. I shall tell myself just to stick to the task at hand.

7. Stop when I am winning. I shall avoid stopping when things start to go badly, as sometimes happens. I shall do just a little bit more - then stop when I am on top. I shall feel so much better.

8. Write down what I have done on my record sheet as soon as I finish.

9. Focus on what I have achieved. I shall avoid thinking about what I still have to do. I shall keep an eye out for any thoughts which might make my success appear any less than it really is. I shall write these thoughts down also.

10. When I am ready to move on to the next task on my list, I shall acknowledge this - Well done.

[angelic212]

a comfort bag. Comfort bags are bags (small, medium, and large sized) that contain all sorts of things that make you feel good and safe. I have numerous comfort bags, mostly little ones that I can put inside my backpack on different days, according to what I’m feeling. A comfort bag might contain:
some natural hand cream, facial lotion, or oil that has a smell that makes you feel good;
a pen and paper to write with (so you can write out what's upsetting you, or write out things that make you feel good);
a stone to hold and look into;
a card from someone you love;
a music player and music that calms you;
a book that makes you feel good;
some small toys that make you smile, or help you feel loved or strong;
a small pewter object or worry stone;
something to fiddle with or hold in your hands--a worry stone, a wire toy, a squishy ball, etc.
a vial of essential oil that is calming (lavender, chamomile, rose), that makes you feel good, or that just smells good to you;
a small stuffie--or even a big one;
a comfort book (mentioned later in this article);
and any of the things mentioned in this article, or anything small that makes you feel good.

Basically, you want to try to get something that makes you feel good from each category: smell, touch, sound, taste, sight. For more information and a great article on comfort bags, see here

http://www.cherylrainfield.com/article_ ... mfort.html
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There are times when we are out in the world and need a little--or a lot--of extra comfort. Times when we are nervous or scared, feeling vulnerable or unsure of ourselves, or just aren't feeling confident. A new job, a speech we have to give, a new situation, a group where we don’t feel welcome, or just being stressed out can leave us needing comfort. And, for survivors, facing something triggering, frightening, or painful is also hard. It’s times like those that portable comfort can come in handy.

Portable comfort means bringing something with you on purpose that helps you to feel comforted, and reminds you that you are safe and loved. There are many different ways of bringing comfort with you--and they don’t all have to be obvious.

I take portable comfort with me whenever I leave the house. I have things already placed in my backpack, the pockets of my coat, and sometimes even my jeans, so if I forget to bring something extra with me, I already have something with me. And I always wear the same necklace; it’s always with me.

If you have time before you leave for the day, it’s a good idea to associate whatever good feeling you want to remind yourself of (comfort, safety, love) with the object. To do this, take a moment and remember when you felt comforted, safe, or loved. Hold that feeling to you. Now imagine that good feeling flowing into the object. Tell yourself that whenever you see or feel or notice that object in your day, you will be reminded of that good feeling, and feel it again.

Here are a few ways you can take some portable comfort along with you:


carry things in your pockets. Things that you put in your pockets are usually better if they’re small. You might carry something like:
a small stone (a stone from the water, or a polished stone such as an amethyst),
a small pewter figure or object,
a picture with a backing on it, or one that is laminated or plasticized (like a picture in a key chain),
a small squishy toy,
a piece of cloth or handkerchief scented with an essential oil that makes you feel good,
a note from someone you love, etc.
wear a necklace that makes you feel strong or good or happy. The necklace can go under your shirt--no one else has to see it--and when you feel it against your skin you can be reminded of safety (or whatever positive feeling you have associated with it). Or you can wear it outside your shirt, and every time you see it, remember what it means to you. The necklace might be one that someone special gave you, or one that you picked out and were drawn to. You might pick a necklace with:
a stone that you like the colour or properties of;
an image that makes you feel good or has special meaning to you;
a locket with a picture of someone you love, who loves you back;
a shell or natural object that reminds you of someplace you've been where you feel safe;
a small vial that you can fill with calming essential oil;
a pouch that you can put a stone in or something small that makes you feel good, etc.
========================================================

bring a MP3 player, CD player, or walkman with you. Put together a mixture of music that you find soothing or uplifting, or that makes you feel strong, and bring that with you. Or you might want to bring along a tape made by your therapist, friend, lover, or yourself, that tells you the messages you need to hear, or a tape of your favourite book. You can also take along a relaxation tape.
========================================================

take some small snacks or food you can fit into your bag, purse, or backpack. Food can be both a comfort, and a help in balancing how you feel. If you go too long without food and your blood sugar drops, you may not even notice or connect that you’re feeling lousy because you haven’t eaten--but it can happen. It helps to bring something you can just nibble on when you get hungry. You might want to pack:
something sweet from your childhood that makes you feel good--like a certain gum or candy or chocolate;
fruit--an apple, orange, grapefruit, or bananna;
a little snack pack of crackers and cheese, a granola bar, or trail mix
cut up veggies
a bottle of water or juice
========================================================
bring along a comfort book A comfort book is something you create for yourself, by pasting or drawing things onto the pages, and writing feel-good messages next to them. It’s a small notebook or sketchbook filled with things that make you feel good:
a letter from a friend;
photos of people you love;
images that make you feel good (you can make colour photocopies of a few pages out of a book, or scan them);
little cartoons that make you smile, etc.

For feel-good messages, you can write:
affirmations,
loving messages about yourself,
things that you like about yourself,
things that people you care about like about you,
or anything you need to hear when you're feeling vulnerable or frightened (like reminding yourself that you're safe).
========================================================
bring a good-things-about-me booklet A Good-Things-About-Me booklet

is a little notebook that you write good things about yourself in. It can be very hard to write good things about yourself, especially if you don’t believe them, but writing good things and reading them can help you believe them. You might also want to think about the good things other people have said about you, and see if you’d like to include those, too. Or you might want to ask a friend, therapist, or lover to write out some things you can include. Write as many things as you can in the notebook--and keep adding to it.

[angelic212]

Your Legitimate Rights

-You have a right to put yourself first, sometimes.

-You have a right to make mistakes.

-You have a right to be the final judge of your feelings.

-You have a right to change your mind or decide on a different course of action.

-You have a right to protest unfair treatment or criticism.

-You have a right to interrupt in order to ask for clarification.

-You have a right to negotiate for change.

-You have a right to ask for help or emotional support.

-You have a right to feel and express pain.

-You have a right to ignore the advice of others.

-You have a right to receive formal recognition for your work and achievements.

-You have a right to say NO.

-You have a right to be alone, even if others would prefer your company.

-You have a right not to justify yourself to others.

-You have a right not to take responsibility for someone else's problems.

-You have a right not to have to anticipate others' needs and wishes.



10 Affirmations

1. I am responsible for my results; others for their results.

2. Others can only hurt or disappoint me if I let them.

3. I am in control of how I think and feel.

4. I am self-committed and know what I want and need.

5. I can conquer any dragons in my head.

7. I am conciously competent: I know what I'm good at and what areas I can grow in.

8. I do not need anyone's approval but my own.

9. I take the time to respond, not react.

10. I am responsible for my feelings; others are responsible for theirs.

[angelic212]

i need to use more my coping space and my coping alternatives more.

i keep forgetting to use them.

i need to keep this updated , and now im printing some stuff from my coping space that i know will help me with my anxiety

[Candy]

Just wanted to say that you are doing a great job on your coping space,keep up the good work. have a great night,and relax,ok and I will do the same. Great job talk to you soon

[angelic212]

im not coping at the moment.

i had a slip , a setback what ever you want to call it, with my eating disorder.

i hate this so much.

sorry i slipped.

[Candy]

I am sorry to hear that you are not doing good. I am here for you always,I care about you, if you need to talk,let me know. I care.

[angelic212]

thanks candy
for your support

i think i will go watch a movie now and color for a while.

[Spidey]

Hope you're OK

[angelic212]

im doing a bit better i guess.

i have a stress headache right now
took 2 pain killers.
my parents are back so im not alone anymore
which is good

i wrote 10 positive affirmations on note cards and decorated them.

and i started to watch a movie.
but im probably going to play some video games right now. or listen to music.

im printing some helpful stuff right now.

and im also ggoing to be posting it here right now.

[angelic212]

9 Ways to Shift Your Mood:
Some Techniques to Help You Feel Better


by Cheryl Rainfield, 2005



It's hard depressed, sad, anxious, or in emotional pain. And while it can be healthy not to run away from our feelings, or to be able to feel and express them, it's also healthy—and important—to not overwhelm ourselves, to not get so stuck in painful emotions that they overwhelm or oppress us, and to give ourselves a break.

Some people believe that any thought tied to emotion that we think and feel for more than 15 seconds starts to connect up with all the other times we felt that way. This can be true for painful memories, too, so focusing on something painful may bring up other times we felt that way, and may reinforce those feelings or make us feel worse.

Sometimes, when we're feeling awful, we need to be able to shift our mood. This is something we can all do, with practice. It's not something most of us are ever taught—but working with our emotions is just as important as working with our mind.

The following are some techniques you can use to shift your emotional state to a lighter or happier one:

Do something physical that requires concentration. Try balancing yourself on one leg, with your arms held high above your head. If this is easy to do, try a position that is harder for you to balance in, such as holding one leg straight out in front of you, or another pose altogether. Doing something physical that requires your concentration can help to shift your thoughts and mood.
Go for a walk, and temporarily change your environment. If you're inside, go outside. If you're outside, go inside or somewhere else outside. Consider going someplace you've never or rarely visited. Wherever you go, pay attention to your surroundings; notice the little details around you. Sometimes changing your environment can help. This is especially helpful if where you are is where you often feel badly.
Close your eyes and think of a person or of people who love you. Try to see their faces clearly in your mind, their eyes smiling at you with love. Try to feel that love, and remind yourself that that person/people care about you, and that you are loved. Try to do this for more than 30 seconds at a time.
Please your sense of smell. Your sense of smell is a quick and easy route into your emotions, and is one of the most powerful ways to evoke memory. Smell something from a time when you felt happy or joyful or loved, that reminds you of someone you love, or that just makes you feel good. Pure citrus scents (natural, not fake) are naturally uplifting. Many people are also drawn to the scents of cinnamon; vanilla or benzoin; favourite perfumes or colognes; the scent of cookies being baked or a favourite meal; etc. I personally love the smell of crayons.
Find a way to laugh—jokes, movies or tv, funny books, playing with your pets and watching their silly antics, being silly with a friend. Laughter is an effective way of changing your mood, and can help your body as well as your emotional state. You can read more about this here: (http://www.helpguide.org/aging/humor_la ... health.htm)
Reframe your thoughts. Our thoughts can have a powerful affect on your emotions—especially negative thoughts. Try to notice the thoughts you've been thinking lately. How many of them are negative? If it helps, write out what you've been thinking, so you can really see for yourself what's been in your mind. Then try to change or reframe those thoughts to more positive phrases—even if you don't believe them.
If you have thoughts like "I'll never," "I can't," "I don't want," "I should/shouldn't," try to change them into something more hopeful or positive, such as "I can," "I want," "It's good that I," etc.

Negative thinking also includes self-criticism and self-hate. If you find yourself putting yourself down, gently stop yourself, then give yourself a true compliment or praise, even if you don't believe it.

Just changing the way you think can help change how you feel.

Change your body posture and breathing. Your body store emotions, and your body also often show how you feel—you might slump when you feel depressed or tired; curl inward or protect your abdomen/stomach when you're feeling vulnerable; tighten your hands, jaw, shoulders, or neck when you're feeling angry; breathe shallowly when you're afraid.
Try consciously changing your body posture and breathing to reflect how you want to feel. Close your eyes, remember a time when you felt happy or confident, and try to move your body into that position. Or watch how other people look when they are confident or happy, and try to mimic their body postures.

Listen to music that makes you feel good. Try singing or humming along with the music. Music can help alter your mood. Choose songs that make you feel strong, or happy, or loved—music that is pleasant to your ears, where the music, words, or both speak to you.
Reach out to a friend and talk. You don't have to talk about what is upsetting you, unless you feel like it. Just connect with another person, with someone you care about. Often, making that connection can help shift your mood, even just a little.
If you're feeling really awful, you may not be able to shift your mood as far as you'd like to, right away—and that's okay. You may be able to make a little shift—like from despair to sadness—and then later, another little shift. It's actually more reasonable to expect little shifts, rather than an extreme shift. Each movement you make matters.

Consciously working to change your mood can help you to feel better. Even a small shift in your mood might bring relief, or make it easier to laugh or to have fun. While it might not always be something you choose to do, it's good to know that you have a technique that you can turn to, to help change how you feel when you want to.

[angelic212]

My Declaration of Self-Esteem

by Virginia Satir



I AM ME


In all the world, there is no one else exactly like me
Everything that comes out of me is authentically me
Because I alone chose it - I own everything about me
My body, my feelings, my mouth, my voice, all my actions,
Whether they be to others or to myself - I own my fanatasies,
My dreams, my hopes, my fears - I own all my triumphs and
Successes, all my failures and mistakes Because I own all of
Me, I can become intimately acquainted with me - by so doing
I can love me and be friendly with me in all my parts - I know
There are aspects about myself that puzzle me, and other
Aspects that I do not know - but as long as I am
Friendly and loving to myself, I can courageously
And hopefully look for solutions to the puzzles
And for ways to find out more about me - However I
Look and sound, whatever I say and do, and whatever
I think and feel at a given moment in time is authentically
Me - If later some parts of how I looked, sounded, thought
And felt turn out to be unfitting, I can discard that which is
Unfitting, keep the rest, and invent something new for that
Which I discarded - I can see, hear, feel, think, say, and do
I have the tools to survive, to be close to others, to be
Productive to make sense and order out of the world of
People and things outside of me - I own me, and
therefore I can engineer me - I am me and


I AM OKAY


© Virginia Satir, 1975.

Found in Virginia Satir, Self Esteem, Celestial Arts: California, 1975.

[angelic212]

Things that Can Help To Bring Hope and Relief, and Keep Yourself Living:


• Wait before you do anything that might hurt you. Since you can kill yourself at any time, why not wait a bit longer—a day, or a few days, before you act. And while you wait, try to reach out to others, and to listen to what you need. You may find the relief or comfort that you are seeking—but you have to be alive to feel it;

• Remember that the desire to die may be an emotional memory from childhood or trauma. Most likely it is a feeling from the past, not the present;

• If you’ve got something you need to hear from a friend, therapist, or someone you love, ask for it. No one can read your mind, know exactly what you most need to hear, or know what would best help you. This may be the best way to get what you need—by asking. And you deserve to be able to ask for, and to receive support;

• Ask yourself what will help you, and what you need—and really listen to the answers;

• Remember that as strong as a suicidal feeling or thought is, it is just a feeling or thought. You do not have to act on it—and it is important not to. Do other things to help yourself get through the moment. Distract yourself, express the emotion, reach out for help, hold on just a little bit longer, and then just a little bit longer still, until you feel better. The good feelings will come back;


• Express the emotion and thoughts through writing, art, dance, safe expression, etc.;

• Write out some reasons to live. If you can't think of reasons for yourself, think of someone you love, and write out the reasons for them. Then read those reasons over, thinking of yourself. You may also want to read the poster: Reasons Not To Kill Yourself by Mari Collings (You can purchase the beautiful poster from www.survivorship.org);
•

• Remind yourself that you have the right to be here on this earth, to be alive, and to be happy;

• Read articles, poems, or phrases that help you see that you have the right to live, and that you are okay as you are. Some poems and articles that may help are: Desiderata by Max Ehrmann (ignore the religious content if that is triggering); My Declaration of Self-Esteem by Virginia Satir; Reasons Not To Kill Yourself by Mari Collings; Our Deepest Fear by Marianne Williamson; and two good articles on suicide: "If You're Thinking About Suicide, Read This First"; and "10 Reasons Not to Commit Suicide". If there is a poem or article that particularly touches you, you may want to put a copy of it on your wall or computer, or keep a copy with you in your bag, wallet, or pocket, or near where you work;
•
• Listen to music that makes you feel good or safe. Music is powerful, and can help change your mood. (Don't forget kids' music; there is some delightful, great-energy kids music out there with feel-good messages, as well as soothing or validating songs that can help you to feel less alone.) Some ideas are: Kids’ Music: “It’s OK,” “We’ll Fill The World With Love,” “These Are The Questions,” “Happy Place,” and “What a Wonderful World,” by Rosenshontz; “Proud of Me,” “Believe In Yourself,” “Someday, Little Children,” “Nearly Missed a Rainbow,” “My Furry Little Shadow,” “But I Like You,” “Count Ten,” by Sesame Street; “It’s OK to Cry,” “Growing Up Song,” Eric Nagler. Adult music: “How Could Anyone?” Libby Roderick; “Let It Go,” Luba; “Ooh Child,” Dino or Nina Simone; “Hands,” Jewel (religious content, may be triggering); “Touch a Hand, Make a Friend,” The Staple Singers; “Believe in You,” Amanda Marshall; “By Your Side,” Sade; “On a Day Like Today,” Bryan Adams; “Shout” Tears For Fears (to get out the emotion or get in touch with anger); “Affirmation” and “So Strong,” Justina & Joyce (resistance, saying no, getting in touch with anger); “Reach Out and Touch Somebody’s Hand,” Diana Ross; “Animal Song,” Savage Garden);

• Distract yourself. Involve yourself in an art project or craft, watch a movie, read a book, write in your diary; write an email to a friend; take a walk in nature and really notice the detail; use your senses to distract—notice textures, tastes, smells, sights, sounds, etc.;

• Think of a time where you felt happy, comforted, or loved. Remind yourself that you can feel this way again, in the future. It might be doing something else, or feeling this with someone else, but it will happen;
•
• Know that you have the right to be here on this earth, to live, to find happiness and comfort and joy; and/or
•
• Know that if you kill yourself, the people in your life will be deeply affected and will feel great pain. You matter to many people, even if you don't believe you do.
•
You deserve to live. You deserve to take up space. And you deserve to be happy. You have the right to live and to be on this planet, as much as any tree or plant or animal or person. Don’t let anyone or anything take that away from you.

Grief, pain, despair, depression—they all will pass. Comfort and safety can come. Playfulness and delight and joy are yours to find. And you will find them. So stay alive. Reach for happiness, friendship, dreams. And keep believing in yourself. Good things can still happen—but only if you are around to experience them.


© Cheryl Rainfield, 2005.

[angelic212]

REASONS NOT TO KILL YOURSELF
by Mari Collings ©

Because you deserve to live.

Because your life has value, whether or not you can see it,

Because it was not your fault,

Because you didn't choose to be battered and used,


Because life itself is precious, because they were and are wrong,

Because you are connected to each and every other ritual abuse survivor, and so your daily battle automatically gives others hope and strength.

Because you will feel better, eventually

Because each time you confront despair you get stronger .. you can't know now what you will ultimately be able to do with this new morsel of strength, what future battles you will be able to win,

Because if you die today you will never again feel love for another human being, or trust, or gratitude; because you will never again see kindness and compassion in another's eyes.

Because if you die today you will never again see sunlight pouring through the leaves of a tree, or a bird take flight, or feel the quality of light in winter,

Because the seconds do not cease their passing, because even if it feels like time has become an unbearably heavy stone, it has not, and you only have to endure,

Because you have already won .. you have known the cleverness and resiliency and courage and stubborn will to make it this far, and no one can take that away,

Because the will to live is not a cruel punishment, even if it feels like that at times: it is a priceless gift.

Because your inner children need you, they have no one else and their need is so great, and because they deserve more than anyone to be healed and comforted; they are true heroes against impossible odds.

Because you owe your inner children, they are the reason you are here. If you die today you will erase the meaning of their suffering and incredible endurance, and that is too great a loss,

Because you already have the skills to find your healing path; you have proven this over and over again,

Because we need more warriors against this evil,

Because we need survivors to offer testament against this horror and despair,

Because no one knows better than you the meaning of suffering, and agony deepens the heart,

Because you deserve the peace that will come after this battle is won, and it will be won, but only minute by minute .. we must learn to let go of the unconquerable,

Because we can all come together in later years to laugh in their faces; because we will be able to show them that even though they had all the power and strength and ruthless cunning, even though we were only helpless, innocent, dependent children, we will have beaten them at the game they so smugly thought they had mastered,

Because I am furious that we have to suffer the pain of another's evil and filth,

Because you too will one day feel fury,

Because it is critical that you survive.

© Mari Collings

[angelic212]

Why We Deflect Compliments and Positive Messages, and How to Take Them In


by Cheryl Rainfield



Many of us hesitate to accept compliments or positive messages about ourselves. Some of us even outright deflect or reject them. Yet taking in a real compliment or acknowledging our successes can feel so good. It can help us feel better about ourselves, improve our self-image and self-confidence, and help us feel happiness or joy. So why do we not allow ourselves that healthy, healing experience?

There are many reasons why we may deflect positive messages and not allow ourselves to bask in our successes. Often in our society, we are encouraged to be humble, and admitting or agreeing to positive things about ourselves can be judged as us bragging or being too full of ourselves. This is especially true for women and children, who are expected to blend in with the background, and not allow ourselves to shine.

Then, for those of us who had critical parents or who are survivors of abuse, we may reject compliments and positive messages because:

we are not used to them;
we don't feel that we can trust them, because in the past, compliments came just before negative or critical comments;
compliments were used against us, held a hidden expectation, or meant that something was expected of us;
we are so used to being put down that that is what we are comfortable with;
it feels frightening because, on a deep level, we don't believe that the compliments are true, or that the success is real, or we are afraid that we will still fail and that we then won't deserve the compliment;
our learned reaction is to put ourselves down first, before someone else can hurt us;
compliments may have been used to lull us into a false sense of security before abuse;
it may almost hurt to hear something good about ourselves, when we heard so much of the opposite growing up, and didn't get what we needed;
we didn't get what we needed growing up, and as a result we greatly need to hear the good things now, but we are afraid to allow ourselves to get what we need, we think we don't deserve it, or we are denying ourselves what we need.
We may also reject compliments and positive messages, or keep ourselves from feeling good about our successes because:
we are afraid to trust the compliment, afraid that it will be taken away, that it is a trick, that we will be laughed at if we accept it, or that it will somehow be used against us;
we are trying to hurt ourselves by not allowing ourselves what we need, or are reenacting the emotional deprivation we experienced as children;
we are afraid that the person complimenting us just can't see all the negatives that supposedly exist inside us;
if we allow ourselves to feel the good feeling and really take it in, we might have to change how we think about ourselves, and this is frightening, or we might have to feel the pain and loss of not having had this all our lives.
Those of us who are survivors of abuse may also think that in rejecting or deflecting compliments and positive messages about ourselves, we are protecting ourselves, somehow keeping ourselves from being further hurt—but this is based on our abuse experience. We are hurting ourselves, by not letting that good feeling in—and it's good to realize that we don't need to react or cope that way any more. While we can still be hurt, or triggered into hurt, it is not the same as the abuse we experienced as children.

We may even go further than not allowing ourselves to accept or feel good about a compliment, positive message, or a success—we may, in reaction, quickly put ourselves down, laugh at ourselves, apologize, or try to convince the person that we aren't really that good. We may tell ourselves that we are doing this so as not to brag, come off as superior, or to make the other person feel better, but really we are usually doing this for one or many of the reasons listed above. And in deflecting compliments, and going even further to put ourselves down, we are hurting ourselves—a state that we may know well from abuse.

Often, those of us who deflect or reject positive messages about ourselves are survivors of some sort of abuse or trauma, and have low self-esteem, great self-criticism or self-hate—which causes us to need, on a deep level, the real compliments or celebration of success that we so quickly and adamantly reject. And in denying ourselves the good feeling that can result, or in allowing the feeling to only fleetingly pass through us before we criticise ourselves, we may actually increase our need and desperation for those compliments from others—and increase our reaction to them, as well. This can make us more vulnerable and insecure, and reinforce negative messages that we were told as children.

We deserve to be able to take in positive messages about ourselves, to celebrate our successes, and to feel the good feeling and the joy right to our core. We deserve to be happy. So how do we learn to take the good messages in? Here are a few suggestions:

give yourself positive messages and real compliments as often as you can. Affirmations can help with this. Praise yourself for what you do right. Do this as often as you can, even if you feel that they're not true, that you don't deserve them, etc. With enough repetition, the positive messages will eventually sink in there.
Make a list of the things you like about yourself, as many things as you can think of, and refer to this list often. Write down anything and everything that comes to you, even if it seems silly. If this feels hard to do, write down the things that other people have told you they liked about you—or write out the things you admire in other people, and then see if those qualities exist in yourself. Often they do. Try to find the compassion and love inside you to give yourself these healing messages.
Imagine the vulnerable, hurt child inside you, and allow yourself to feel compassion and love for her. Tell her the things you know she needs to hear—that the abuse wasn't her fault, that you love her and will protect her. Relieve her of any guilt or blame that she may be carrying, and reassure her that you love her. Praise her as you would a child in front of you. Think back to the way you were as a child, and tell that child all the things she did right, all the things you admire about her, all the reasons you care about her—that she had the strength to keep going, that she was kind or protective of her younger siblings, that she was able to play and notice beauty in the world, that she was able to still dream and hope, etc. Really appreciate her, and try to wrap her in love. Tenderly talking to the child inside you, and appreciating her, can help you to take things in on a deeper level.
Ask someone you care about and trust—a friend, lover, or therapist—to tell you many things that they like about you, and value in you. Write them down. Then refer to these things often, remembering that someone you trust and care about sees these things in you. That may give those positives more weight.
Using positive messages from other people for a while to build up your own resources is a good way to take in compliments—but eventually you have to be able to see some positives in yourself in order to fully take in compliments from others, and fully experience the good feeling. Try to allow yourself to see one thing you really appreciate and like in yourself. Notice that quality or way of being, notice how it makes you feel. Focus on that, and keep coming back to it, as often as you can.
find multiple ways to give yourself positive messages about yourself—through books with positive, healing messages; notes you write and put in different places; affirmation cards; music or audio CDs with healing messages; friends, lovers, and therapists; and more. Use as many of the ways of giving yourself positive messages as you can, as often as you can.
write out the positive things other people have said about you in the past, and read these things over often. Create a notebook, computer file, or a box that just holds compliments, your successes, or things people have said about you that make you feel good. Return to that notebook, box, or computer file often.
notice how you feel when someone gives you a compliment; notice the instant desire to deflect or curl inward. Become aware of it, notice how often you actually do this—without judging yourself, just being aware that this may be a result of abuse, neglect, or low self-confidence.
try to take this even further, by being aware of what your particular trigger is—that you are afraid it's not really true, that you don't deserve it, etc. It may also help to take the trigger back to the first time you can remember feeling that way, or reacting that way. Sometimes it can help to clearly see what you are reacting to, or that the reaction definitely comes from abuse, ill treatment, etc—that it makes sense that you would have reacted that way as a child, but that you don't need to now.
write out, and tell yourself, counter messages to that trigger or fear. Tell yourself that there are many good things about you and inside you; that you deserve to feel good and to receive a compliment, etc. Remind yourself that you don't need to react that way any more.
practice accepting compliments, even if you think they're still not true. Practice hearing the positive words a person says to you, just letting those words be there, and looking the person in the eye and saying a simple "thank you." With enough practice, this will begin to feel less frightening or unsettling, and will start to feel more natural, even good.
It can feel painful or frightening to begin taking in positive messages and celebrating your successes, if you're not used to doing that. But it can also bring so much good feeling, increase your self-esteem and self-confidence, help your healing, and nurture and support you. You deserve to feel good, and to recognize and celebrate all the good inside you. So try opening yourself up, just a little bit, to real compliments, appreciation, and praise—and let that good feeling in.






© Cheryl Rainfield, 2004

[angelic212]

Love Your Body, Love Yourself:

12 ways to improve your body image and self-esteem


by Cheryl Rainfield



Most of us, especially girls and women, are assaulted with negative messages about our bodies on a regular basis by magazines and newspapers, advertisements, "well meaning" family members, peers, and even friends. We're shown computer-manipulated images of the "perfect" body—a body that is not natural for the vast majority of us, and can only be obtained through self-abuse and starvation.

Survivors of child abuse or trauma have an added layer of negative messages through the very act of abuse. In trying to survive the abuse, many survivors disconnect from their bodies. Many women also this—to a lesser extent—in reaction to the negative messages we receive about our bodies. It becomes almost second nature to criticize our bodies, separating ourselves from our bodies, and seeing ourselves as objects or parts of a whole. Criticizing our bodies can lead us to hate ourselves and abuse our bodies.

Women come in lots of different shapes and sizes, and this diversity is just not reflected in the media. It's hard to feel good about ourselves when we don't see ourselves reflected back. How we feel about our bodies affects how we feel about ourselves. So it's important that we embrace our bodies, and find ways to love our bodies—and ourselves.

Finding ways to love our bodies can be hard. Many women feel overwhelmed by trying to change how they feel about their bodies, or don't know where to start. Below are a few suggestions about things you can do to reclaim your body. Some suggestions will feel easier for you, and will work better for you than others. That's okay; you don't have to do everything here. Find the suggestions that work for you, and leave the rest.

Try not to weigh yourself, or try not to weigh yourself often, as this can increase critical thinking about your body, and add to body discomfort. Instead, focus on how you want to feel in your body—strong, mobile, energized, etc. What you weigh has nothing to do with what kind of person you are, or whether your body deserves your love and compassion.

Try becoming more present in your body, more inside your own skin. Take a deep breath and feel your feet on the floor, your bum on the chair, the way your ribcage moves as you breathe. Really notice how you feel. Try to eat mindfully—notice the food in your mouth, the flavour and texture, how it feels when it goes down your throat and into your stomach.
You may want to take a meditation or tai chi class, or try exercising or stretching, and noticing how you feel in your body. Being connected to your body can help diminish the distance that allows you to criticize your body, or see it as other.

Surround yourself with positive images of women that reflect the different sizes and shapes women are. It's important to have images that reflect the reality of women's different sizes and shapes, and that shows the beauty of those different sizes and shapes. To change the way you see your body, it's important to see different images of women's bodies, not the unrealistic images that the media presents us with. For example, the affirmation cards I created reflect that diversity. You can download the free screensaver here, or buy the affirmation cards here.

As well, try to limit the number of negative messages you receive about your body. This means keeping away from many fashion and "women's" magazines, and advertisements. (There are some great magazines out there, for both girls and women, that promote positive self-image and healing messages. Try one of them!) Try reading magazines and book that make you feel good about who you are, instead of magazines that try to diminish you or make you panic so you run out and buy a product. You may also want to tape TV shows and fast forward the ads, or turn off the sound and not watch while they are playing. And if there are people who repeatedly give you negative messages, try talking to them about this, or finding ways to ignore them or to counteract their messages inside your head.


Find and wear clothes that compliment the body size and shape you have, not the body size or shape that you want. Wearing clothes that fit your body type, that you are comfortable in, and that make you look good, can help you feel good.
External beauty is not about body size. Any body size can look beautiful, and many women that society would label "beautiful" have major issues and hang ups about their bodies. External beauty is more about how we carry ourselves, and how we feel about ourselves. And true beauty, the beauty that matters the most, is the beauty of our souls.

Participate in activities that you enjoy—dancing, walking, yoga, making pottery, flying a kite, cooking. Feel the joy in your body when you do something that feels good. Try to include something that keeps your body active and that you enjoy, at least once a week. Exercise can help your body and emotions feel better.

Remember a moment when you were a child, when you felt good about your body, or a part of your body, no matter how small that moment was. Really remember how good you felt. Try to recapture that feeling in things you do now. Did you love how your body felt, so free and alive, as you ran across a field? Run to the bus stop, feel the wind against your face, really be in the moment. Or go running in a park on the weekend or at lunch. Did you love the feeling of snuggling under a warm blanket on a cold night, or sipping a cold drink on a hot one? Make time for that, and try to be present in your body, enjoying the sensation.

Make sure you get safe touch that feels good. Hold hands with a child, a friend, your lover. Ask for a hug or give one. Ask your lover to stroke your hair or gently touch your face. Lean against your friend. Safe touch is a way to nurture your body and your emotions—and it can help you feel good about yourself and your body. There have been lots of studies that show we need positive physical touch; it's part of staying healthy.
Treat your body gently, the way you would treat someone you love. The way we treat ourselves can impact how we feel. Let yourself have those extra few minutes in bed in the morning, or linger over a cup of tea. Have a hot relaxing bath or shower, spend calm moments in nature, get a massage, use essential oils or natural creams that make you feel good. Really pamper yourself, and notice how you feel in your body as you do so.
Pay attention to an area of your body that you like, and focus on that for as long as you can. This can be something as small as your nose, or as large as your whole body. Look at that part of your body, touch that area of your body gently, and let yourself see its beauty. Think of that area of your body often, with pride or good feeling, and gradually try to increase the amount of your body that you like.
Make a list of all the ways your body has helped you, and thank your body. This can be something like being grateful for the way your body's kept you healthy, the way your body runs when you ask it to, the way your body's given you pleasure, or how your body helped you survive your childhood. Try to thank your body in a heartfelt way, and really notice and appreciate it.

Listen to what you're saying to your body through your thoughts, and give yourself some compassion. Try really listening to yourself for a whole day, or for time that you're in the company of others. You'll probably find you criticize and put down your body a lot more than you thought you do. If you catch yourself being negative, criticizing your body, putting your body down, take note of that, and then try to give yourself compassionate, loving messages about your body. If you have trouble doing this, try to imagine a friend with you, looking at you with love in her or his eyes. What would she or he say about your body?
As often as possible, try to give yourself deliberate positive messages about your body—messages that counteract the negative ones you give yourself or are given, and messages that celebrate your body. Even if you don't believe them at first, keep saying them. Repeated often enough, they will eventually sink in. Affirmations are a good way to give yourself those positive messages.


Listen to what you're saying to your body through your actions, and give yourself compassion. For instance, do you treat your body roughly (bumping into things often, drying your body roughly after a shower); ignore your body (not going to the bathroom when you have to, not get yourself something to drink when you're thirsty)? Try to listen to your body, and what it needs. Notice the ways you aren't being gentle with your body. Then try to imagine your body as the child you once were, or a child you love. Would you treat a child that way? You don't deserve to be treated that way, either.
Remember that people love you for who you are and how you act, not for what your body looks like. True friendship and love come from how we are with others, what we share with them about ourselves, and the way we are inside—not how we look. You deserve to love your body, and to feel good about your body—and yourself.



copyright Cheryl Rainfield, 2004.