before *LA*

[Honey693]

* how will this situation or feeling change if i hurt myself?
kev will get even more pissed at me

* what will hurting myself bring to the situation? what will it take away from the situation?
more anger. it won't take away anything I don't think.

* how do i want to feel about this in the long run? is hurting myself likely to get me closer to or farther from feeling that way?
I want to resolve this. Farther away since teh focus of teh fight will be shifted.

* if hurting myself seems like my best option right now, how long will the relief it brings last? what will i do then?
It will only last as long as I'm cutting then the guilt, crying, doubt, anger adn fear will set in.

* what is something i could do now instead of hurting myself? how will it change the situation i'm in? how long will that change last, and what will i do then?
Read, go to bed, I don't know here.

* how will i feel tomorrow if i hurt myself? how will i feel tomorrow if i do the other thing i came up with?
horrible and scared. horrible, but not quit as horrible.

* what do i really want to do right now? how can i best honor the self-protective instinct that has me wanting to self-injure right now?
be held and fix thsi stupid fight. I don't know.

* Why do I feel I need to hurt myself? What has brought me to this point?
B/c I'm upset and stressed and it was my way of coping for so long. Stress and the escaltion of this stupid fight that we keep freaking HAVING.

* Have I been here before? What did I do to deal with it? How did I feel then?
Too many times to count. Cried. kept fighting. bad, but better than if I would have cut.

* What I have done to ease this discomfort so far? What else can I do that won't hurt me?
Vent to Nikki. TYpe really fast. Replay the fight in my head. If no one was home I could scream, but they are. maybe orgasm would be distracting but who knows, I'm just so MAD.

* How do I feel right now?
mad, hurt, frustrated, liek he doesn't even listen, upset I poured this out to poor Nikki.

* How will I feel when I am hurting myself?
ashamed, uspet, scared

* How will I feel after hurting myself? How will I feel tomorrow morning?
not good. even not gooder.

* Can I avoid this stressor, or deal with it better in the future?
not
* Do I need to hurt myself?
no, but that doesn't stop me from wanting to so damn bad

[balletomane]

It sounds like SI really makes you feel worse in the long run. Have you looked at the scarily vast list of coping skills on the coping forum? You've already come up with some good potential distractions--that list might have some more ideas for you. Maybe you can try making a list of things that can help you resolve the fight. Writing a letter to the person you are fighting with is one suggestion. I hope you are feeling better.