Secrets(inspired by PostSecret)-Please Stay Safe!

Anactoria · Post by **Anactoria** » Mon Feb 19, 2007 5:25 am

PMs are fine.

*ED, sex*

- I try to be confident, but deep down inside I hate everything about myself.
- I've had to defend myself my whole life against people accusing me of having an ED, but now I'm starting to think that they might be right.
- I really have no desire at all to have sex.
- I'm scared to death of getting close to anyone.
- I always try to act happy, but I'm very often not.
- I don't know if I want to go to college because I want to get out of the house, or because I actually want to go.
- I'm afraid of the future and of change.
- I'm scared of turning in my psych paper, because my ex said that some of the things I wrote could get me turned in to the school counselor and DYFS.
- My dad abused me. He still does.

marshmallowfluff · Post by **marshmallowfluff** » Mon Feb 19, 2007 12:05 pm

I thought i was okay today. but... im not.

Seeshellz · Post by **Seeshellz** » Mon Feb 19, 2007 1:23 pm

I'm still in love with me ex-husband who abused me severely. He's remarried and everything. And he lives very far away. Lately I can't get him out of my mind. I feel like there is something wrong with me? Why would I still love someone who drove me to a mental breakdown and beat me so badly and abused me in practically everyway possible???

jo_alone · Post by **jo_alone** » Mon Feb 19, 2007 2:09 pm

There was nobody more shocked than me when you told me. I desperately want it to be all ok but I don't know how to do that. I don't think it's possible at all. I want to be with you more than anything, I love when we are together. You make me laugh, smile, talk, happy. It feels like how my life should/could be. I think about you all the time when we are apart. Always did, but more so now. You made me the happiest person ever but also broke my heart at the same time.

acdcrocker1909 · Post by **acdcrocker1909** » Mon Feb 19, 2007 10:46 pm

i feel so lost.. so just nonexistant.. and I am afraid to tell you.. I am afraid of a lot of different things at the moment.. I am afriad that I'll never see you.. and I won't hear from you.. and that you'll just disappear off the face of the earth...

black_23 · Post by **black_23** » Mon Feb 19, 2007 11:39 pm

I look at you and feel flat and insignificant, as though I could fade into no-where. yet part of me likes this non-existence it is safe, but part of me just wants to be someone new.

scarlet_tears · Post by **scarlet_tears** » Tue Feb 20, 2007 6:11 am

coments are ok..
ive lied to justify my depression , but now i believe the lies.

he was violent toward me because i caused it - i brought out the bad side in him

i am ashamed of who i am even though i act like i dont care what people think

i think my scars are beautiful

i want him to love me the way i love him

i would rather be dying and feel alive than be alive and feel dead

i want someone to notice me love me and think im beautiful

Licentia Poetica · Post by **Licentia Poetica** » Tue Feb 20, 2007 9:24 pm

I love you, but this doesn't seem to be working

catylyx,ver.2 · Post by **catylyx,ver.2** » Wed Feb 21, 2007 4:04 am

*TRIGGERS*

i'm craving painkillers so badly that my body aches.
i want to cut worse on my arms than i have in a really long time.
i feel worthless.
and fat.

and like he deserves someone so much better.
someone who isn't fucked up.

****SI ED*****
i hate myself for eating. i was doing so good. and then i promised him i would eat. so that he wouldn't cry.
i hate myself. and i want to vomit everytime i think about food.

for every thing i eat i want to cut. one for each thing.
i'm sick.
i'm fucked.
and i'm so so tired.
i just want to crash. and shut down.
maybe when i reboot i'll be better.

Seeshellz · Post by **Seeshellz** » Wed Feb 21, 2007 2:27 pm

SU triggers....

I can't handle the image in my mind of my best friend wanting to blow her head off with a gun.

Licentia Poetica · Post by **Licentia Poetica** » Wed Feb 21, 2007 2:32 pm

Just a reminder:

I wrote:<center>

Hey everyone,

I just wanted everyone to know that I'm reading this thread, and there's a hell of a lot of pain here

Just posting a reminder for everyone. Yes, this thread is about secrets, and secrets are sometimes painful, and very abrupt without much elaboration.

But we're still on BUS and this is the coping forum, so let's try to focus on feelings a bit more sometimes rather than actions, or desires to die, or be thinner, kay?

These threads could be useful if you're in a really bad place:

The constructive venting thread

How you feel and what you're going to DO about it

Reasons for Living

Stay safe

*el steps of her soapbox*</center>

mithz · Post by **mithz** » Wed Feb 21, 2007 10:27 pm

I think I have fallen for someone... Now I need to find a way of dissolving these feelings without causing too much harm.

VowsOfSadness · Post by **VowsOfSadness** » Thu Feb 22, 2007 6:02 am

Licentia Poetica has a good point.

I have included these links in the first post. Everyone please stay safe and use you're coping skills!

VowsOfSadness · Post by **VowsOfSadness** » Thu Feb 22, 2007 6:05 am

i have to let you go. I can't hold on to something that means nothing.

I have to go back to partial hospitalization and stop worring so much

Scatterbrain · Post by **Scatterbrain** » Thu Feb 22, 2007 7:19 am

I want to tell you that I am not ok. I want to ask for your help and your support. The problem is that I am afraid I will scare you or you wont be willing to go through this with me. You will pretend to be helpful and supportive, but when I seem the least bit better you will turn around and pretend it never happened.

~Megan

smr89 · Post by **smr89** » Thu Feb 22, 2007 7:19 am

*Donnie-Hey! First of all I'd just like to ask, hows jail treating ya? Good I hope. Of couse by good I mean I hope youre getting your a$$ kicked. I hope your miserable and you cry yourself to sleep at night. (OK, thats kinda mean huh but hey, what goes around comes around doesn't it dickweed) Besides you've only got what, 1 year, 9 months and 8 days left. I really should have pushed for the longer sentence huh. I've officially fallen out of love with you. (In case that wasn't obvious from my prior statements) Thank goodness. I'm over you....sigh. So this is what it feels like to be free again. You turned out to be a real a$$. But ya know what, I'm glad because it helped me forget you. I realized you are not the man I thought, not even a little bit. In fact, you're not really a man at all. (BTW, just so you are aware, I lied to you every single time. You kinda sucked. Uh, no offense.)
*Melinda, oh Melinda..... where do I even begin. Well first of all I guess I should say, sorry I slept with your husband. I shouldn't have done that. OK, beyond that youre the one who needs to be sorry. Screw you! I really wish I could see you again so I could just slap you across your lying double crossing face!
*Jay-Well I think I'm finally moving on from the pain youve caused me as well. You're a jerk and a coward. You and Paul were too chicken to step up and try to help me. Instead you tried to make the whole thing just go away. You have no right to claim that you tried to help me. You tell everyone you all were there for me and I was the one who wouldn't take your help. Yeah right. You make me sick. Ick! Out of everyone you're the one who hurt me the most. More than Donnie, more than anyone.
*Everyone else at WSBC who is on 'their side' (Travis, Jessi, Chris and so on) What you all did was pretty crappy. Of course each of you did (kinda) different things but they were all similar and equally sucky. Jessi- screw you. You think you're better than me? You think you haven't sinned before? I can't believe you're supposed to be a s/g leader and you acted like this. Wow, can you say judgemental!?!? B**ch! Chris, you need to stop being so judgemental as well and try to talk some sense into your stupid wife. Travis, stop with the 'I'm on your side, no hard feelings crap.' Yea right. We may be stupid but we're not THAT stupid. That would be pretty darn stupid huh?

So after writing this I think I'll be able to forget you all. These are all the things I would like to say to you if I had the chance. But I don't have the chance in person. Plus, this is probably a better place to say it anyway. I may have more to say later and if I do you'll find it here. I plan on forgetting all of you. The hard part about that is that we live in the same town and I might run into you. Well Donnie I guess that won't be a problem for you will it? At least not until next December. Good bye all of you. I'm officially getting over you now and forgetting you (at least to the best of my ability)! Yea, this feels much better. I'm free.

Seeshellz · Post by **Seeshellz** » Sun Feb 25, 2007 3:54 pm

SA triggers...

I'm so scared about this coming Tuesday...I have to see my t and talk to her about the SA. She says it's the only was to get over it. To heal from it. To sleep at night. To not be terrified to go to bed everynight. To help my PTSD get better...I'm so scared of Tuesday coming. I'm so scared to talk to her. I'm afraid bringing it up will make me feel worse!!! How can talking about it make it better? I just don't understand...I DON'T want to talk about it anymore!!! I HATE IT!!!!

Licentia Poetica · Post by **Licentia Poetica** » Mon Feb 26, 2007 5:03 am

Iam terrified.
I dont knwo what is happening tome

Something Else · Post by **Something Else** » Mon Feb 26, 2007 5:41 am

My best friend from high school, who I was in love with for years but hardly talk to anymore, is engaged. And I'm jealous. Of him, of her, just in general. I know it couldn't have been, but I wish it could have been me.

Strangers_Almanac · Post by **Strangers_Almanac** » Mon Feb 26, 2007 9:28 am

PMs welcome.

I'm getting ready to "start" my life, for the second time, I'm 23 and I'm moving to a diffrent state, with a boy who I met off the net. Not that is bad, I love him. He loves me. I worry about the rest of my family here, I feel like they are all on the verge of falling apart. Sometimes it feels like I am the only one who cares anymore.

I'm 23 and I want my family to stay my freakin family.

My "secret"? I dont know what to do.

Secrets(inspired by PostSecret)-Please Stay Safe!

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