Candys Coping Thread

[balletomane]

Good for you for giving away some of your tools. I can tell that you are working really hard to use better coping skills. You should be proud of yourself.

[Candy]

I am proud of myself and the problem that I am having is that I do not feel proud of myself,I do not see any positive things about myself,cause I see things in black and gray,I do not know if it is due to my illness which is Borderline Personality Disorder,or it is my thought;plus I suffer low self-esteem,thanks for what you wrote and I am proud,just afraid of slipping up. Thanks

[angelic212]

How can I manage my anxiety better?

As we have learned, anxiety is not an illness and so can't be cured. If we can break into the vicious circle, however, we can learn ways of reducing our anxiety and getting it to be more manageable. We can work on at least four different areas:

Understanding our anxiety better.
Reducing physical symptoms.
Altering our thoughts related to anxiety.
Changing our behaviours related to anxiety.

1. Understanding anxiety
You may already by now have some ideas about what is causing your anxiety. The following sections will give advice on how to break out of the vicious circle that keeps anxiety going. Before you can do this though, it is really useful for you to understand your own anxiety better. Is your anxiety related to certain situations, places or people? Is it worse at particular times of the day? Are there realistic worries you have that would make anyone anxious? The following two exercises should help you to understand your anxiety better.

i) Anxiety Diary - for a period of two weeks (or longer if you prefer) keep an hourly diary of your anxiety and activity level. Rate your anxiety from 0-10. Note down anything that seems important. Were you at work or home, who were you with, what were you doing, what were you thinking about? You may start to become more aware of situations that make you anxious or that you may even be avoiding. What is your general level of stress like? This information will help you begin to tackle your anxiety.

ii) If you become aware that you have a realistic worry or problem that you feel may be causing you anxiety, a problem solving approach may help.

A good way to begin is to write down a problem. Define it as clearly as you can. For example "I never have any money", is too vague, something like "I owe £3000 to different credit card companies" is more helpful. Next, write down as many possible solutions as you can. It doesn't matter how silly you may think the solutions are, the point is to think of as many as you can. Try to think how you have solved similar problems in the past. Ask a friend what they might do. Think to yourself what you might advise a friend to do if they had the same problem, eg possible solutions:

get all debts on one loan with less interest;
agree on affordable payments;
see a debt counsellor;
get a part time job;
sell car.
If you have a problem that may be making you anxious, try writing it below:




Now list as many possible solutions as you can:











Choose what seems like the best solution and write down all the steps it would take to achieve that solution. Who might help?, what might go wrong?, often it is helpful to think "what is the worst thing that could happen?" If you can think of a plan to cope with this, your anxiety might reduce.

If you are trying to come up with a plan to tackle a problem that has been worrying you for some time, it is often helpful to discuss this with a friend or even your doctor.

Stressful lifestyle - general tips
Nowadays life is often stressful, and it is easy for pressures to build up. We can't always control the stress that comes from outside but we can find ways to reduce the pressure we put on ourselves:

Try to identify situations you find stressful by noticing the beginnings of tension.
Take steps to tackle what it is about these situations that you find stressful.
Make sure you have time for things you enjoy.
Take up a relaxing hobby.
Make sure you get enough sleep.
Eat a well balanced diet.
Take regular exercise.
Learn to relax.
2. Reducing physical symptoms

Relaxation
In order to reduce the severity of physical symptoms it is useful to 'nip them in the bud', by recognising the early signs of tension.

Once you have noticed early signs of tension you can prevent anxiety becoming too severe by using relaxation techniques. Some people can relax through exercise, listening to music, watching TV or reading a book.

For others it is more helpful to have a set of exercises to follow. Some people might find relaxation or yoga classes most helpful, others find tapes useful. You may be able to obtain a relaxation tape from your GP, and there are also a wide number of relaxation tapes available in the shops.

Relaxation is a skill like any other which needs to be learned, and takes time. The following exercise teaches deep muscle relaxation, and many people find it very helpful in reducing overall levels of tension and anxiety.

Deep muscle relaxation - it is helpful to read the instructions first and to learn them eventually. Start by selecting a quiet, warm, comfortable place where you won't be disturbed. Choose a time of day when you feel most relaxed to begin with. Lie down, get comfortable, close your eyes. Concentrate on your breathing for a few minutes, breathing slowly and calmly: in two-three and out two-three. Say the words "calm" or "relax" to yourself as you breathe out. The relaxation exercise takes you through different muscle groups, teaching you firstly to tense, then relax. You should breathe in when tensing and breathe out when you relax. Starting with your hands, clench one first tightly. Think about the tension this produces in the muscles of your hand and forearm.

Study the tension for a few seconds and then relax your hand. Notice the difference between the tension and the relaxation. You might feel a slight tingling, this is the relaxation beginning to develop.
Do the same with the other hand.

Each time you relax a group of muscles think how they feel when they're relaxed. Don't try to relax, just let go of the tension. Allow your muscles to relax as much as you can. Think about the difference in the way they feel when they're relaxed and when they're tense.

Now do the same for the other muscles of your body. Each time tense them for a few seconds and then relax. Study the way they feel and then let go of the tension in them. It is useful to stick to the same order as you work through the muscle groups:

Hands - clench first, then relax.
Arms - bend your elbows and tense your arms. Feel the tension especially in your upper arms. Remember, do this for a few seconds and then relax.
Neck - press your head back and roll it from side to side slowly. Feel how the tension moves. Then bring your head forward into a comfortable position.
Face - there are several muscles here, but it is enough to think about your forehead and jaw. First lower your eyebrows in a frown. Relax your forehead. You can also raise your eyebrows, and then relax. Now, clench your jaw, notice the difference when you relax.
Chest - take a deep breath, hold it for a few seconds, notice the tension, then relax. Let your breathing return to normal.
Stomach - tense your stomach muscles as tight as you can and relax.
Buttocks - squeeze your buttocks together, and relax.
Legs - straighten your legs and bend your feet towards your face. Finish by wiggling your toes.
You may find it helpful to get a friend to read the instructions to you. Don't try too hard, just let it happen. To make best use of relaxation you need to:
Practise daily.
Start to use relaxation in everyday situations.
Learn to relax without having to tense muscles.
Use parts of the relaxation to help in difficult situations, eg breathing slowly.
Develop a more relaxed lifestyle.
This relaxation exercise may be available on tape from your GP.
Remember relaxation is a skill like any other and takes time to learn. Keep a note of how anxious you feel before and after relaxation, rating your anxiety 1-10.

Controlled Breathing
Over-breathing: it is very common when someone becomes anxious for changes to occur in their breathing. They can begin to gulp air, thinking that they are going to suffocate, or can begin to breathe really quickly. This means they end up with the wrong amount of carbon-dioxide. This has the effect of making them feel dizzy and therefore more anxious.

Try to recognise if you are doing this and slow your breathing down. Getting into a regular rhythm of in two-three and out two-three will soon return your breathing to normal. Some people find it helpful to use the second hand of a watch to time their breathing. Other people have found breathing into a paper bag or cupped hands helpful. For this to work you must cover your nose and mouth.

It takes at least three minutes of slow breathing or breathing into a bag for your breathing to return to normal.

Distraction
If you take your mind off your symptoms you will find that the symptoms often disappear. Try to look around you. Study things in detail, registration numbers, what sort of shoes people are wearing, conversations. Again, you need to distract yourself for at least three minutes before symptoms will begin to reduce.


Whilst relaxation, breathing exercises and distraction techniques can help reduce anxiety it is vitally important to realise that anxiety is not harmful or dangerous. Even if we did not use these techniques, nothing awful would happen. Anxiety cannot harm us, but it can be uncomfortable. These techniques can help reduce this discomfort.

3. Altering your thoughts related to anxiety
We have seen the role that thoughts have in keeping going the vicious circle of anxiety. Sometimes there may also be pictures in your mind.
To give an example, imagine you are running for a bus one day. All of a sudden you get a pain in your chest and feel really breathless. The thought goes through your mind, "I'm having a heart attack". This thought is of, course, very frightening, and so your heart starts to beat faster which makes you think "there really must be something wrong with my heart". You may very well have a picture of the ambulance on its way and you in a stretcher.

Now think about the following questions and write down the answers:


1) What are the thoughts that most often go through your mind when you feel anxious?



2) Do you have any pictures of what might happen?



3) Are there any thoughts that make you feel worse?



It isn't always that easy to know what you are thinking that is making your anxiety worse.

The sort of thoughts that make people anxious can come and go in a flash, and may be so much of a habit that they are automatic. They may be so familiar that they just feel like part of you.

Try to keep a diary over the course of two weeks. Write down your own thoughts in situations where you are anxious.

Now, try to imagine the last time you felt very anxious. Try to run through it like a film, in as much detail as you can. See if you can write down any frightening thoughts now.

Remember any thoughts can count. No thought is too small or too silly. Even "oh no" or "here we go again" can increase tension and anxiety.

Frightening Thoughts:


Once you know what it is you are thinking, you can begin to fight back, and break the vicious circle.

In particular, ask yourself:

1. Am I exaggerating, eg "everything is bound to go wrong it always does".
2. Am I jumping to conclusions, eg "I have a pain in my chest therefore it must be my heart".
3. Am I focusing just on the bad things, eg "I had a really bad day yesterday" (ignoring that this followed a few good days).

Use these questions to help yourself answer back. A good way of doing this is to write two columns - one for your thoughts that make you anxious, and the other for a more balanced thought, eg:


Anxious thought Balanced thought
The dizzy feeling means I'm going to faint. I have had it many times before and have not fainted. I have fainted once and that felt really different
I'm going mad I have not gone mad yet, and the doctor tells me anxiety is not madness.

Write down some of your thoughts now and write as many answers as you can. This question might also help. What would you say to a friend who was thinking that way? The aim is to get faster at "catching" these anxious thoughts and answering back almost instantly. It takes a lot of practice, but really does work.

4. Changing behaviour related to anxiety

Try to recognise when you are avoiding things and wherever possible try to tackle these fears, not all at once but in a gradual way.
Set yourself very small goals. Write down here goals that you would like to tackle. Start with the easiest first and tick off any activity you achieve.
People often get into the habit of escaping from situations that make them anxious. Instead of escaping try gradually to increase how long you stay in a situation that makes you anxious. Anxiety often reaches a peak, then starts to go away naturally. If you stay in an anxious situation what do you predict will happen to your anxiety? People often think it will just keep getting worse and worse. This is not the case. It will start to come down.
People not only avoid situations and try to escape, they also often do things to make themselves feel more safe, eg hanging on to a shopping trolley, lying down. These "safety behaviours" may help at the time, but they also help to keep the anxiety going because the anxious person never learns that nothing awful would have happened even if the trolley wasn't there. Also, imagine how frightening it would be if no trolley was available.
Try to do things to test out whether your anxious thoughts are realistic?, eg "would I really faint if I didn't get out?"
It really is very important to recognise that the more you avoid something, the more difficult it will seem to overcome, which will in turn make you more anxious.
What treatment is available for anxiety?

Most people with anxiety can benefit from self help such at this leaflet.
Your family doctor, health visitor or practice nurse may also be able to give you further help in dealing with anxiety.
Occasionally, doctors prescribe tablets for anxiety. These should only be taken for short spells to get over specific anxiety provoking situations.
Your doctor may also refer you to a mental health worker or counsellor if your anxiety does not respond to self-help alone.
Anxiety Management Groups or classes are often run in local surgeries or Community Health Centres. Please let your doctor know if you would be interested in such classes.
Where can I find help if I think I am suffering from anxiety?

First, we hope you will use the advice in this self help guide. You should find it helpful. If having used the guide you feel you need more help, you should discuss this with your GP, who will tell you about alternative treatments and local services. There are a number of self help books that other people have found helpful. These books may be available from your local library.

Helen Kennerley: Managing Anxiety.
David Burns: The Feeling Good Handbook.
Dr Clare Weeks: Self Help for your Nerves.
Susan Jeffers: Feel the Fear and Do it Any

i hope that this helps

[angelic212]

this is also something that might help you

a comfort bag. Comfort bags are bags (small, medium, and large sized) that contain all sorts of things that make you feel good and safe. I have numerous comfort bags, mostly little ones that I can put inside my backpack on different days, according to what I’m feeling. A comfort bag might contain:
some natural hand cream, facial lotion, or oil that has a smell that makes you feel good;
a pen and paper to write with (so you can write out what's upsetting you, or write out things that make you feel good);
a stone to hold and look into;
a card from someone you love;
a music player and music that calms you;
a book that makes you feel good;
some small toys that make you smile, or help you feel loved or strong;
a small pewter object or worry stone;
something to fiddle with or hold in your hands--a worry stone, a wire toy, a squishy ball, etc.
a vial of essential oil that is calming (lavender, chamomile, rose), that makes you feel good, or that just smells good to you;
a small stuffie--or even a big one;
a comfort book (mentioned later in this article);
and any of the things mentioned in this article, or anything small that makes you feel good.

Basically, you want to try to get something that makes you feel good from each category: smell, touch, sound, taste, sight. For more information and a great article on comfort bags, see here

http://www.cherylrainfield.com/article_ ... mfort.html
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There are times when we are out in the world and need a little--or a lot--of extra comfort. Times when we are nervous or scared, feeling vulnerable or unsure of ourselves, or just aren't feeling confident. A new job, a speech we have to give, a new situation, a group where we don’t feel welcome, or just being stressed out can leave us needing comfort. And, for survivors, facing something triggering, frightening, or painful is also hard. It’s times like those that portable comfort can come in handy.

Portable comfort means bringing something with you on purpose that helps you to feel comforted, and reminds you that you are safe and loved. There are many different ways of bringing comfort with you--and they don’t all have to be obvious.

I take portable comfort with me whenever I leave the house. I have things already placed in my backpack, the pockets of my coat, and sometimes even my jeans, so if I forget to bring something extra with me, I already have something with me. And I always wear the same necklace; it’s always with me.

If you have time before you leave for the day, it’s a good idea to associate whatever good feeling you want to remind yourself of (comfort, safety, love) with the object. To do this, take a moment and remember when you felt comforted, safe, or loved. Hold that feeling to you. Now imagine that good feeling flowing into the object. Tell yourself that whenever you see or feel or notice that object in your day, you will be reminded of that good feeling, and feel it again.

Here are a few ways you can take some portable comfort along with you:


carry things in your pockets. Things that you put in your pockets are usually better if they’re small. You might carry something like:
a small stone (a stone from the water, or a polished stone such as an amethyst),
a small pewter figure or object,
a picture with a backing on it, or one that is laminated or plasticized (like a picture in a key chain),
a small squishy toy,
a piece of cloth or handkerchief scented with an essential oil that makes you feel good,
a note from someone you love, etc.
wear a necklace that makes you feel strong or good or happy. The necklace can go under your shirt--no one else has to see it--and when you feel it against your skin you can be reminded of safety (or whatever positive feeling you have associated with it). Or you can wear it outside your shirt, and every time you see it, remember what it means to you. The necklace might be one that someone special gave you, or one that you picked out and were drawn to. You might pick a necklace with:
a stone that you like the colour or properties of;
an image that makes you feel good or has special meaning to you;
a locket with a picture of someone you love, who loves you back;
a shell or natural object that reminds you of someplace you've been where you feel safe;
a small vial that you can fill with calming essential oil;
a pouch that you can put a stone in or something small that makes you feel good, etc.
========================================================

bring a MP3 player, CD player, or walkman with you. Put together a mixture of music that you find soothing or uplifting, or that makes you feel strong, and bring that with you. Or you might want to bring along a tape made by your therapist, friend, lover, or yourself, that tells you the messages you need to hear, or a tape of your favourite book. You can also take along a relaxation tape.
========================================================

take some small snacks or food you can fit into your bag, purse, or backpack. Food can be both a comfort, and a help in balancing how you feel. If you go too long without food and your blood sugar drops, you may not even notice or connect that you’re feeling lousy because you haven’t eaten--but it can happen. It helps to bring something you can just nibble on when you get hungry. You might want to pack:
something sweet from your childhood that makes you feel good--like a certain gum or candy or chocolate;
fruit--an apple, orange, grapefruit, or bananna;
a little snack pack of crackers and cheese, a granola bar, or trail mix
cut up veggies
a bottle of water or juice
========================================================
bring along a comfort book A comfort book is something you create for yourself, by pasting or drawing things onto the pages, and writing feel-good messages next to them. It’s a small notebook or sketchbook filled with things that make you feel good:
a letter from a friend;
photos of people you love;
images that make you feel good (you can make colour photocopies of a few pages out of a book, or scan them);
little cartoons that make you smile, etc.

For feel-good messages, you can write:
affirmations,
loving messages about yourself,
things that you like about yourself,
things that people you care about like about you,
or anything you need to hear when you're feeling vulnerable or frightened (like reminding yourself that you're safe).
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bring a good-things-about-me booklet A Good-Things-About-Me booklet

is a little notebook that you write good things about yourself in. It can be very hard to write good things about yourself, especially if you don’t believe them, but writing good things and reading them can help you believe them. You might also want to think about the good things other people have said about you, and see if you’d like to include those, too. Or you might want to ask a friend, therapist, or lover to write out some things you can include. Write as many things as you can in the notebook--and keep adding to it.

[Candy]

Thanks for the information that you sent me,it was very helpful. I pm you and I hope you got my letter. I am printed off the information,thanks.I hope you are doing ok. I got on Google,but I forgot how to put the pictures on bus? Anyone know how to do that. If so,let me know. Thanks.
I am relaxing and taking it easy,the nights are the hardest for me when I am alone and then the anxiety level goes up,but I am hanging in there. Again thanks alot.

[Candy]

I just want to say,that I need also to you my coping thread more and my coping skills more,cause even though I took my medication for my anxiety,it is starting to get high,and thanks that my boy-friend is here,which makes me feel alot better, and I am proud of my self for not doing any SI for 2 weeks,it has not been easy,but I am taking it slowly and taking it one minute at at time,so I am giving myself a flower for it. When I get more information, I will make sure that I put it on the bus for everyone. Check back soon.

[Candy]

I am hanging in there and tomorrow I go back to day treatment program,which helps me alot,and any information I get from there I will post on the bus.I am going to write two good thing about myself:
1) I am a good person
2) I am a caring person
Then I will write them in a notebook for myself as well. This will help to improve my self-esteem,which I am having problems with,and I have a problem with worry,but I am working on these issues,but doing it slowly,so I do not get overwhelmed with myself. There are two good things that I am good at:
1) I am a good writer
2) I am good at cleaning my apartment
I mess up the way it was suppose to be written sorry. This is something that I plan to put on the post everyday,and you are weclome to join me if you wish. I am doing good so far tonight,and I am taking it slowly. I hope everyone is doing ok as well. I will be back on soon. Take care everyone. that is for me. for two weeks.Be back soon

[Candy]

I just want to wish everyone a good night and remember that I am always here for all of you,as well as taking care of myself. I will be on the bus,more toward the evening,cause I have program tomorrow,so I will keep you updated on any information that I get that helps me to cope and I will share it with you. Have a good night and I will be back on as soon as I can. Remember to use your coping skills,as I will do the same. I might be on before I go to bed. I am hanging in there and you do the same. Take care,

[angelic212]

have a good night candy
take care of yourself.
sleep well

[Candy]

I am still up and watching t.v,and hoping I would be in bed right now,but feeling anxious,but I was coloring so that helped me alot,and I will take my medication and hopefully I will go to bed. It is real hard to struggle with SI and not doing it,and I am trying very hard not to,it is not easy. It is like I am fighting myself all the time with the urges and that can get overwhelming sometimes. Nights are so hard for me and I am doing the best I can to get through it. I just wanted to say that posting on the bus has helped me sooo much and I am glad to be here. I hope you have a great night and I will be on tomorrow evening,with more information that I get. Have a great night to everyone

[angelic212]

hey Candy sorry that you are struggling with anxiety and si urges.

but im glad that coloring is helping you/
and what movie are you watching?

i also need to take night time medications and they help me sleep better

im going to watch a movie too right now.
we both seem to use the same coping alternatives.

its tough struggle with anxiety at nigth or actually any time of the day but more at night.
im feeling anxious too.

lets support each other.
hope that you have a good night sleep.

[Candy]

I just took my medication and I am watching a movie on Lifetime,forgot the name. I love coloring and drawing,it helped alot. Yes,lets support each other. I will be back on the bus tomorrow evening,cause I have to go to my day treatment program,it helps me alot and to get out of my apartment. What kind of coping folder do you use? If you do not my me asking. I hope you have a great night and get a good night sleep as well. Take care you all. Talk to you soon.I am glad that you wrote.

[Candy]

I feel alot more calmer now,since I took my medications,I never had panic attacks like this before and that is why my medications were increased,which does not help when I am fighting my own urges to not do any SI,it has not been easy,but watching t.v is helping me and I plan on going to bed real soon,I hope. I think about acting on my behavior,but I keep telling myself that I can fight it,it is not easy,even when my boy-friend left,I get worse and I am afraid to be alone,that is the scary part. I just feel so much better when I post here,cause it gets my mind off things.I am going to be fine,I tell myself that alot. I hope you all have a wonderful night and I will be on tomorrow evening,sorry for repeating myself. Take care all and sleep great.

[Candy]

Hi. I am had a rough night last night and I got through it without doing any SI and I am getting ready to leave to go my day treatment program. After I color last night and I still felt anxious I took a nice warm bath and that helped me to relax alot,so I find different things to help me to relax. I am doing ok this morning and I just wanted to let you know that I am hanging in there, and I will be back on the bus this evening.I will be posting more coping things that help me,later on. Have a great day.I am just taking it one minute at a time.

[angelic212]

im happy that you managed to get throuugh the night with out Si, im proud of you!

hope that your day treatment goes well today.

thanks for posting in my coping space.

i hope that you have a good day today.

[Candy]

Hi I had a great day at program and we had our Valentine Party late,and we had a great time with the party. Mike and I won the King and Queen contest,so that made my day,it was alot of fun. I wrote another poem about Valentine's Day,even though it is over I am going to share it with you,cause I am starting to like writing poems and stuff. Here it goes:
Valentine's Day
Always bring out the
Love for everyone
Each night you can cuddle up with a
Nice cup of tea and be with
the love of your life being
inside with the candles lit
near the fire place and
Ending up remembering the good times you share.

I hope you like it,I was never good at doing things like this before and it feels good to be able to write like this. I hope you all like it. I am afraid of slipping with SI,and the thoughts are there,and they are scary,even when I am alone,but I am doing the best I can. I am so afraid though,but it helps to write here and be around positive people. I will be back on later and I will keep you posted with any new coping skills I get. Take care.Taking it slowly.

[one out of none]

Hi,
Just wanted to say well done on the two weeks, that's really great! You should be proud.

I like your poems too, you should keep it up.

All the best,

[Candy]

I am plan on keeping the poems going,they are very helpful and fun to do.
The two things that I like about myself is:
1) I am a smart person
1) I am a good person

The two things that I am good at are:
1) I can do my own checkbook
2) I am good at typing

I really enjoy doing that everyday. My therapist and I was talking today and I am starting to wonder if I have disorted perceptions, I hope I spell that right,not sure. The way I think and see things are disorted,my spelling is not that good with some words. If anyone has any ideals about how I can work on that,please let me know,I will see if I can find things on the internet about that.I did not have time to find anything on it,cause I took a nap when I got home. I am doing ok right now,and my anxiety level is low at this point and I hope it stays this way.trying to keep it that way. I am taking it one minute at a time each day. I hope that everyone else is doing ok. My therapist thinks so about what I wrote above.I will be back on later. Just relaxing and watching t.v. Be back on soon

[Candy]

There are times that I have a hard time coping with the urge of SI,and I find it helpful to talk to people,who understand. I feel a little bit anxious and that my thoughts are getting disorted,which is very hard for me right now. I am trying to focus on one thing and think clearly,but it is not easy,of course I did not take my medications and that is my fault,I slept to long. I am trying to keep my thoughts on one thing and it is not easy,but I am going to try to watch t.v and see if it helps me some. I hate when I feel like this,it is scary,nights are not my favorite. It is hard to do anything when I get like this. I am just hanging in there and doing the best I can. Be back soon.

[Candy]

Hi everyone
I wish I felt better today,everything feels cloudy with my thoughts and it is starting to get on my nerves,I am sitting here fighting my own urges of SI,and it is not easy,cause I feel numb and I want to feel something,so I am going to use my coping skills that I have posted here,so I can feel anything without doing any SI. I hate when I feel like that,but I know it is a feeling,but a uncomfortable one. I will get through this and knowing that people here care,makes it alot easier for me.I know that this is not been easy for me not doing any SI and I always have a fear of messing up,but I keep reminding myself that I have coping skills to use and I need to use them. I am just taking it one minute at a time. I hate my feelings even when they are uncomfortable ones and I do not know how to cope with them,plus my self-esteem needs to be worked on as well. I am going to relax tonight and take it easy.I will be ok