Secrets(inspired by PostSecret)-Please Stay Safe!

mithz · Post by **mithz** » Thu Jan 25, 2007 10:03 pm

deleted

Aly · Post by **Aly** » Thu Jan 25, 2007 10:05 pm

It actually makes me a little bit sick...

Lynds · Post by **Lynds** » Thu Jan 25, 2007 10:19 pm

Sometimes I feel really dishonest...kind of like now...and I haven't even done anything wrong

I think you love me not as an individual anymore but because you're scared of what you'd be without me...and I hate it...it makes me feel so depersonalised it hurts so much...but I still love YOU...

Kaleb · Post by **Kaleb** » Fri Jan 26, 2007 12:54 am

i keep smiling but im really NOT coping

Seeshellz · Post by **Seeshellz** » Sun Jan 28, 2007 12:05 pm

I can't remember most of the abuse. The abuse I can remember is bad enough. But it's strange how I can't remember, how I repressed the memory without even thinking about it.

I was supposed to write a story of my life with my abuser for therapy. To help me get better, but I can't, so how am I gonna get better, I can't even remember most of our life together, it's all in bits and pieces.

black_23 · Post by **black_23** » Sun Jan 28, 2007 11:59 pm

I dont like it sometimes I have to pretend to be someone else just to get through it - how wrong is that.

I'm not the perfect girl you think I am, you say you're so proud of me and I feel like a fraud. If only you knew, I am so sorry.

jaded melody · Post by **jaded melody** » Tue Jan 30, 2007 10:59 pm

PMs are welcome & appreciated.

*ED TRIGGERS*
*
*
*
*
*
*

I STILL cannot believe that I have an eating disorder. even though I post on a pro-recovery ED board, AND a pro-ed board. I still dont think I can POSSIBLY have a REAL eating disorder. I watched "Im a child anorexic" and I thought, theres no way I'm anorexic, those girls are SO thin and look so ill, I'm not like that.

Then there was a scene were two of the girls were reciting calories from thing they'd memorised. I could do that. Yoghurt, bread, a packet of crisps, a rasher of bacon, a sausage, a quorn sausage, a pitta bread (depends where you buy them), an egg white, an egg, a cup of tea with milk and sugar, an apple, a banana, one grape, a teaspoon of sugar, many beverages from starbucks, a custard cream, a maryland cookie, a weight watchers pizza, pasta... I could go on. One time I worked out how many calories was in my mums homemade cupcakes. I wrote down all the ingredients and the quantities, added it all up, divided it by the total mass to get the calories per gram of cake, then weighed the cake, and multiplied the mass of the cake by that number to get the calories in it. And they say math is useless.

The sickest part is, I want to get sick. I want to be bone-thin. I want people to notice that I'm not ok. They wont be able to ignore me if I'm really sick. Im back to restricting really hard, and it feels wonderful. I love feeling empty and hungry.

I want to get better from my depression, but when people start talking about ED recovery I think, nah, I dont have one, its not a problem. I dont think I will believe them until I get properly sick. If I do.

MusicalMorphine · Post by **MusicalMorphine** » Tue Jan 30, 2007 11:13 pm

I can't fucking do this anymore. I'm so scared, scared of everything. I'm really not coping and I don't know hiw much longer I can do this for.

My friend said on LJ yesterday that she cared, but she kinda proved today by barely talking to me that she doesn't really care much.

I want it to stop, or at least I need someone with me.

I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO FUCKING DO.

Sorry.

acdcrocker1909 · Post by **acdcrocker1909** » Wed Jan 31, 2007 2:09 am

I am getting to a point.. where I just don't want to even try anymore.. you're all that I am holding onto.. but you leave soon.. and damn I am afraid I am going to crash and burn after it.. Yet.. I am afraid of doing that on one hand... and on the other.. I just don't give a damn.. I am afraid I am going to fail.. and not one person will notice.. and not one will hold me up...

Seeshellz · Post by **Seeshellz** » Thu Feb 01, 2007 6:15 pm

I went off a bunch of meds like my pdoc wanted me to do and he said I be having feelings... well I'm having mild mania...I don't want him to know, I don't want to go back on anymore pills, I like being on less, I want to feel real, not flat, besides I am on a mood stabilizer and I kinda like being high...just doing like the mixed states, the rapid cycling or the dropping

So I'm not going to tell him...

(*Haven*) · Post by **(*Haven*)** » Fri Feb 02, 2007 9:14 pm

I'm happy that she called in sick today.

mephistopheles · Post by **mephistopheles** » Fri Feb 02, 2007 9:25 pm

i like you a lot.
if i loved anyone. it might be you.
but even this much hurts.

Licentia Poetica · Post by **Licentia Poetica** » Sat Feb 03, 2007 3:26 am

I am sick beyond what I can handle.

Seeshellz · Post by **Seeshellz** » Sat Feb 03, 2007 7:04 am

This is night 4 and it is 1am and I am still not tired and I've been up since 6am with only about 4hrs of sleep, 3 nights in a row. I am so wired/manic...

I know I should take my sleep meds cause they'd knock me out for awhile....but I feel like staying up all night.

acdcrocker1909 · Post by **acdcrocker1909** » Sat Feb 03, 2007 2:21 pm

i dont know if i can take you anymore..

Seeshellz · Post by **Seeshellz** » Sat Feb 03, 2007 10:33 pm

I want to quit. And I wished I never started. But now I am stuck in this and the only way I know how to really cope with it now is to cut.

crs13 · Post by **crs13** » Sun Feb 04, 2007 5:45 am

Everyone thinks I've recovered. No one knows I still hurt myself. I slip so close to the edge sometimes, and I'm terrified I'll fall back in, and I'll never be able to climb back out if I do. Yet I tell everyone I'm fine, and I'd never admit what a useless wreck I am.

Scatterbrain · Post by **Scatterbrain** » Sun Feb 04, 2007 9:16 am

I dont even remember the last time I went to bed before 11 pm. I get up at 5:30 every morning... This is ridiculous.

Quiet little Angel · Post by **Quiet little Angel** » Sun Feb 04, 2007 12:03 pm

i can't stand the yelling... only good thing is it's keeping me from eating...

Kaleb · Post by **Kaleb** » Mon Feb 05, 2007 2:45 pm

i have written in my journal some stuff i want you to see in a way but in a another i dont, its just something that has been playing on my mind - i may tear it out ----- i dont know. i just in a way need to know if its ture or if im just going mad ...........

Secrets(inspired by PostSecret)-Please Stay Safe!

Who is online