after...

[Emma Wallace]

Questions to Answer After A Slip

* what had happened just before?

I'd been feeling apathetic and slightly suicidal for a few days. I found this really distressing, since I've always before been very clear about how many things I have to look forward to.

* what were you thinking and feeling?

Distressed, lost, frightened... yet mostly I didn't care. I use will-power to get through most urges, and while my will-power often seems like it wearing thin, today it just seemed gone.

* why did you end up hurting yourself then instead of some other time? was there an event that was the final straw? what was it?

I think this situation mostly built up over time. I might have yesterday, but today I had an opportunity.

* were there outside factors like drugs, alsohol, being off your meds, lack of sleep, etc? can you address those in the future? how?

I did drink on the weekend, and that might have been a factor. I also increased my meds then, so I could be having some side-effects.

* what other ways of coping did you try besides self-harm? how well did they work?

I didn't try much, and I should have. I was going to make cranes, but... SI seemed more appealing.

* in retrospect, are there coping methods that you now realize might have helped? what were they?

Breathing exercises would have been a good idea, so would making cranes. Not being alone would have been a good idea too.

* are you likely to be in that emotional place again? how will you recognize it when you're in that situation?

I think I am. It's clear to me when I'm in it, I think the problem is how to react.

* what will you try before you resort to self-harm if you're in that situation again? list three specific things you will commit to trying.

Breathing exercises first, then something that requires patience, like painting, and probably curlying up in bed with a book (it keeps my mind off things)

[tattybluetrees]

Hi Emma. I'm sorry about the delay in replying. I hope iit's okay for me to do so now.

I'd been feeling apathetic and slightly suicidal for a few days. I found this really distressing, since I've always before been very clear about how many things I have to look forward to.

that sounds like a really tough place to be in. Are you able to cut yourself some slack? I think probably everyone gets a bit apathetic and disheartened sometiimes, even without the influence of depression. It's okay to feel like that. Is there anywa you could take care of yourself a bit when you feel like this and wait for the energy to come back?

Distressed, lost, frightened... yet mostly I didn't care. I use will-power to get through most urges, and while my will-power often seems like it wearing thin, today it just seemed gone.

I might be wrong, but again it sounds to me like you are being quite hard on yourself. Sometimes you just need to be a bit nice to you, rather than driving yourself forward through force of will. If you don't mind me asking, how does your "will-power" seeming gone make you feel? I know if it was me I would probably be angry at myself or feel like a faliure- I just wondered if you are feeling those things, if they might be making it worse, and if so, whether you could think f a way of addressiing them?

Breathing exercises would have been a good idea, so would making cranes. Not being alone would have been a good idea too.

These sound like really good things. Could you have also done something to take care of or be nice to yourself, though? Would it be possible to list three things which would just have been kind things for you to do for yourself? Maybe... drinking hot chocolate in the bath... painting your toenails... (those are mine though- you can't use them in your three!)

It's clear to me when I'm in it, I think the problem is how to react.

to me that sounds like a positive thing. KKnowiing you are there is half the battle.

I hope you are feeling better now. Please take care of yourself.

tatty