Before

[Bella Muerte]

how will this situation or feeling change if i hurt myself?

I know I will feel heaps calmer.

what will hurting myself bring to the situation? what will it take away from the situation?

Well, it will make me feel better now. It will clear my mind and calm me down enough to sleep. But tomorrow, I'll have to hide or explain away the new cut, as well as deal with the reality of another permanent scar.

how do i want to feel about this in the long run? is hurting myself likely to get me closer to or farther from feeling that way?

I just need to get away from it all for a while. In the long run, I want it to go away permanently, but I can't see that happening. Cutting won't get me closer to that, but it won't be a huge setback when you put things in perspective.

if hurting myself seems like my best option right now, how long will the relief it brings last? what will i do then?

It's night now, so it will let me get to sleep. Tomorrow the relief will have dissapated. But no matter what I do, I'm going to wake up feeling miserable anyway.

what is something i could do now instead of hurting myself? how will it change the situation i'm in? how long will that change last, and what will i do then?

I need to distract myself, but all my usual distractions are time-consuming. It's really late, and I have to finish editing this story for a friend before I can turn in. At the moment I can't focus at all, and I want to go to bed. I don't want to sit up all night again, trying to distract myself.

how will i feel tomorrow if i hurt myself? how will i feel tomorrow if i do the other thing i came up with?

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If I hurt myself I will probably feel the same as always. If I don't, I will either feel exhausted because I stayed up to calm myself down then finish the project, or really stressed becuase I didn't get it done.

what do i really want to do right now? how can i best honor the self-protective instinct that has me wanting to self-injure right now?

I don't know.

Why do I feel I need to hurt myself? What has brought me to this point?

I don't know. I'm stuck in a really bad bout of depression right now, but there's no one thing that has triggered this urge. I guess it is just life in general.

Have I been here before? What did I do to deal with it? How did I feel then?

I usually tried to distract myself, but like I said, I haven't got time tonight. I have to work.

What I have done to ease this discomfort so far? What else can I do that won't hurt me?

I've been hanging around the forums and some of my other favourite websites for a while, trying to distract myself. The only thing I can really do is keep trying to distract myself.

How do I feel right now?

Desperate, confused, lonely, miserable, insecure, depressed, a little violent (towards myself), stressed, anxious.

How will I feel when I am hurting myself?

Relieved.

How will I feel after hurting myself? How will I feel tomorrow morning?

Afterwards, I will feel relieved, happy and calm. Tomorrow morning I'll just be back to normal.

Can I avoid this stressor, or deal with it better in the future?

*shrug*

Do I need to hurt myself?

Technically, no. Realistically, yes.

[StevieLynn]

I seem to be hearing that you need to calm down, is that right? You have been working on distracting yourself, which is good. Are there any distractions that can calm you down? Stressing over getting work done when you can't focus on it anyway obviously isn't helping. How about something that really requires focus, like folding paper cranes? (there's a thread with directions)

I find that trying to comfort myself sometimes help calm me down. Tea, warm blankets, comfy clothes.

Have courage.

Love,
Stevie

[tattybluetrees]

Hi. I hope it's okay for me to reply here.

I know I will feel heaps calmer.

is there anything else you could do to calm yourself down? What sort of calm aare you looking for? Is it your body or your mind which is overactive? Perhaps if you broke this down a bit you might be able to see how to address the need in a different way.

I just need to get away from it all for a while. In the long run, I want it to go away permanently, but I can't see that happening. Cutting won't get me closer to that, but it won't be a huge setback when you put things in perspective.

I'm not sure I agree that cutting wwont be a setback- it's hard to think straight and acheive your, for want of a less obnoxious word, "potential" when you are dealing with something this big aand difficult. I think that one is up to you though, as you best know your situation.

As far as getting away goes... is there any way you could do this short term? It could be anything from just going away for a night, to taking a walk and sitting somewhere you like, to just getting into bed for half an hour and covering your head with a pillow. I'm a big fan of the latter. The trick is to just give yourself a break or a holiday for that time. I don't know if that might help a bit?

I don't know. I'm stuck in a really bad bout of depression right now, but there's no one thing that has triggered this urge. I guess it is just life in general.

Was there anything which happened today which made you feel particularly bad? If you aren't feeling calm, was there a particular time at which that started? I don't mean to be pushy, but I have found it very helpful to break particular urges down. There doesn't need to be one trigger. Just a general sense of how you ended up where you are at this moment, short-term.

Afterwards, I will feel relieved, happy and calm.

Maybe you could focus on these things? This is how you want to feel, and that's a really positive thing, so is there any other way you can achieve this? It might not work completely or as well as hurting yourself, and it might be harder work, but it could be worth a try, right?

I hope you are beginning to feel better now. Please take care of yourself.

tatty