slips are chances to learn. you figure out what stresses are still too hard for you and you can work on how you'll deal with them next time you run into them. so instead of beating yourself up, take action.
- have you taken care of your physical wounds? if not, go do that now. we'll wait.
Yes, I wrapped my arm up in gauze.
- what had happened just before?
I was sitting wrapped in my blankets, trying to comfort myself and fight off the urge.
- what were you thinking and feeling?
I was thinking how much I wanted the emotional hurt to end, how much I needed to cry, how much everything has been building recently.
- why did you end up hurting yourself then instead of some other time? was there an event that was the final straw? what was it?
I really don't know the answer to this. There was no final straw. Everything has just been building up for several days and I couldn't take it anymore.
- how did the situation get to the final straw stage? trace it back through the events that led up to the last event. look for some point at which you could have made a different decision and not arrived at the final straw.
I don't know. I just snapped. SI has been invading my mind unbelieveable lately.
- were there outside factors like drugs, alsohol, being off your meds, lack of sleep, etc? can you address those in the future? how?
I haven't been sleeping well, and I have been off my medications for about six weeks. Also, I think a lack of alcohol may have played a roll. I have always used it as a numbing agent, it became a problem, and so I have now been sober for 21 days.
- what other ways of coping did you try besides self-harm? how well did they work?
I cleaned the bathroom, washed the towels, took a nice hot shower and used some pretty lotion, I worked on a knitting project, cuddled with my cat, watched some TV, posted on BUS, made a cup of tea, and talked to two freinds.
- in retrospect, are there coping methods that you now realize might have helped? what were they?
I think everything I mentioned helped some. They got me through brief periods throughout the day and for the past few days. I felt like I needed someone here with me, and that I couldn't have.
- name at least two things you will do to help yourself remember those coping methods if you end up in this situation again.
I will remember that the relief I get from cutting is very temporary.
I will read some of the lists of coping mechanisms on BUS.
- how do you feel about the situation that led to self-harm now? is it resolved? if not, what are some steps you might take toward resolution?
I don't know what ultimately triggered this, so I can't really resolve it. Al I can recognize right now is stress from the big picture.
- are you likely to be in that emotional place again? how will you recognize it when you're in that situation?
Yes, I'm sure I'll feel like this again. I recognize it because I get panicky more often, and because SI occupies my every thought.
- what will you try before you resort to self-harm if you're in that situation again? list three specific things you will commit to trying.
I have already tried so much that it seems hopeless. I will try journaling my feelings. I will try to sleep. I will try to remember that people love me.
Sorry, I don't feel up to answering the rest of the questions right now, even though I feel a lot calmer than I did before. I will try to do them later.
Love,
Stevie