Help me! Need advice if you have any..*SI, OD, SU*

[joeygirl]

I really need some advice from anyone.

I am worries that i am causeing way too much stress for my friend. She is the only real friend I have left and she cannot cope with much more stress in her life. Unfortunately I am the reason for a percentage of it. She is always worrying about me and my behaviours.

She has stuck by me through everything. Whe I first required stiches after a serious cut, she was there. She hates hospitals but stuck by me the whole time!

When I attempted to OD she was there again. In the middle of the night she came and got me and took me to hospital and stayed with me the majority of time I was there.

It was my friend who first got me to see a psychologist, and my friend who takes me to work (I lost my licence) and all of my appoitntments with the psychologist, pdoc, gp.

If it were not for my friend, odds are I probably still wouldn't be here. I love her like a sister and I hate the way I am hurting her. The easiest solution would be just to stop but I can't. In fact, the way I feel right now makes me want to hurt myself more.

Any suggestions on how I can reduce the impact I am having on her life without cutting myself out of it compltely??(no pun intended!)

I could do with any suggestions, advice, or even stories of how others have dealt with this problem.

Thanks.
JG

[Seeshellz]

I'm going to give you an answer but I have to go for now but I will be back. OK??

[Seeshellz]

I'm back, sorry I had to go so quickly there!

First off, You have one awesome friend there!

I just wanted to tell you about the stress and stuff I put my Mom through.

I ODed so many times, almost died once, well many times woke up in intensive care, she saved my life once when the doctor gave up on me, put her through so much stress for so many years and still am! (But it is getting better!)

My cutting she knows about, I can just imagine what goes through her mind.

My many phosp admissions and the many times she visited sometimes everyday...

And now that I don't have a car, she drives me around when I can't walk to my appts.

The phone calls when I am depressed, SU etc.. the arguements when I am depressed SU, to help keep me alive...

I feel so bad of what I put my Mom through over 12 years now...

But it is getting better and better, less and less SU and depression, less and less phosp admissions, less SI, because I am getting better maybe,

I know alot has to do with therapy having an affect on me, it is finally getting through to me! I am finally getting it!

Therapy is a big deal for me. Helped me alot!!!

I am still going - still have issues, still want help to improve myself..

Still need to get better.

My advice??

Talk to your friend, tell her how you feel. I talk to my Mom all the time, I tell her how I feel.

Ask your friend if it is too much? Then you will know?

You won't be like this forever! It will get better!

Communication is very good.

Do you have any other friends who could give you rides? To offset her?

I'd talk to my therapist about this also, just what you asked in your post...

I hoped I helped some...

[joeygirl]

Hi Seeshellz.

Thanks for the reply.I wrote my friens a letter letting her know how much she means to me and I never forget to say thanks for everything she does. You're right, she is an awesome friend! I couldn't ask for better!! I will discuss this with my therapist, only prob is my friend sees her too.

I'm sure it will work out. I just need a good kick up the backside every now and then to remind me to back off a bit!

Again thatnks.
JG

[Seeshellz]

Hi Joeygirl!

Yw, glad to be of some help!

I think the letter is a great idea!

And talking to your therapist it great also, it shouldn't be a problem at all that your friend sees her too, there is complete confidentiality, and if you doubt that ask you therapist?

I think it's good that your friend sees her too because now your therapist will understand the situation even better without you having to explain alot!!!!

You don't have to tell your friend what you are doing in therapy, and it doesn't have to be alot of sessions really. I think one maybe? It's up to you...

Take care, hope everything works out!!!

[StevieLynn]

I have found that the most usful thing when worrying that you are overwhelming a friend is reminding her to set up boundaries. Let her know that it is ok to say "I can't discuss this with you right now" or "I'm trying to deal with some other issues right now and I'm feeling overwhelmed." You know, things like that. I learned this the hard way. I have lost friends because I pushed too hard and didn't let them know that it was ok to ask me to back off.
You are very lucky to have a friend who has stuck by you through everything. So many people get scared when they find out you SI. Or they immediately think you tried to SU.
I think writing a letter was a great idea. Don't forget to reminder her how special she is to you. Let her know she is loved.

Love,
Stevie