Body Image.. *ED*

[Neener03]

Great job on recognizing that you will have to work through the underlying feelings and thought patterns. You've also recognized that you were replacing SI with ED. Of course, it sucks that you have to wait to get into CBT.

Give your counsellor a chance. There are plenty of male therapists and counsellors who understand ED. Don't give up totally on guys, either. There are nice, sweet guys out there. Sometimes it just takes a while to find them because they tend to mature later than females.

I hear that you don't want to become "emaciated" and "force fed," so use that as a way of encouraging yourself to eat healthy. If the urges to SI return, use the "before and after" forum to start focusing on the underlying feelings and thought patterns behind your SI.

Recognition is the first step. Keep on working through things.

[plantt]

Although that would mean an SI relapse if successful..
--why would it mean that?

*nods* not all males are "bad".... just as not all females are "good"...
although like self-harm it's more women than men... some men have eating disorders as well.

though a little voice at the back of my head says it's because I'm shy...
--you might try reminding yourself of that very consciously when you have thoughts that it's all weight related...

[plantt]

sounds kind of like you've given up on him already... & in any relationship that's not the best.... in a counseling relationship it can make it a lot more difficult for the counselor to help & for anything to change.

It would mean that because I feel so weak, lost, hopeless, worthless, and that SI would be a much safer/easier to deal with option
--those are feelings & thoughts... not reality
well.... do you want easier.... or "make life better long-term"....

because I'm so stupid, hopeless and unloveable.
Because everyone thinks I'm a hopeless fuck-up who can't deal with her problems right.
--everyone?
reminding yourself & stopping/changing thoughts takes time & a *lot* of repetition