After

[tzanti]

Questions to Answer After A Slip
slips are chances to learn. you figure out what stresses are still too hard for you and you can work on how you'll deal with them next time you run into them. so instead of beating yourself up, take action.


* have you taken care of your physical wounds? if not, go do that now. we'll wait.
There are none this time.

* what had happened just before?
Nothing of significance, I was looking at applying for a new job, and all the baggage that goes with it (finding a new place to live, working out how I'd get there, etc)

* what were you thinking and feeling?
I am very low today, because of all the stuff that happened at the weekend. I SI'd on saturday, and found out that one of my closest friends, and my rolemodel for dealing with depression, was had been SI'ing too. I started to think about when I used to SI as a teen, and how and when I changed methods from scratching my arms to hitting my head. I have felt really ill all day, and I wondered what it would feel like to scratch again. So I did it. Really, Really STUPID!

* why did you end up hurting yourself then instead of some other time? was there an event that was the final straw? what was it?
I just decided not to resist the urge, just to see or feel it. It feels strange and good. This is really frightening.

* how did the situation get to the final straw stage? trace it back through the events that led up to the last event. look for some point at which you could have made a different decision and not arrived at the final straw.
The easiest decision in the world right then would have been not to do it. But I just wanted to do it. I've never felt like that so easily before.

* were there outside factors like drugs, alsohol, being off your meds, lack of sleep, etc? can you address those in the future? how?
Not really.

* what other ways of coping did you try besides self-harm? how well did they work?
None.

* in retrospect, are there coping methods that you now realize might have helped? what were they?
I have no idea why I didn't just say no to this. It wasn't even a strong urge. I'm not usually lucky enough to get urges, I just go impulsive mostly. There are any number of things I should have done.

* name at least two things you will do to help yourself remember those coping methods if you end up in this situation again.
Remember that swapping one type of SI for another isn't worth it. Remember that even if my methods got more violent before, I don't need this now.

* how do you feel about the situation that led to self-harm now? is it resolved? if not, what are some steps you might take toward resolution?
I feel so stupid. There would be a good reason for that. Because I was stupid enough to do something incredibly stupid. It is resolved. I do not need to do this again.

* are you likely to be in that emotional place again? how will you recognize it when you're in that situation?

* what will you try before you resort to self-harm if you're in that situation again? list three specific things you will commit to trying.



About Opportunities to SI
Opportunity to Self-Harm seems to be a common theme. Think about why opportunities are important to slips and learn why opportunity is important to you.


* What made that opportunity more appealing than any other?
I'm alone, and I felt lousy.

* Did you make an opportunity or was it there for the taking?
I made the opportunity.

* What would you have done if there was no opportunity, how would you have handled your urge?
No I would have resisted this because it wasn't a strong urge. It might have developed into a strong urge, but I just didn't wait to find out. If I had tried I might have dealt with it.

* If there had been no opportunity would your urge to self-harm have increased or decreased?
Probably increased.

* What consitutes opportunity for you? Being alone? having new tools? waiting for the right feeling?
Being alone, having a strong possibility of not being discovered or the effects noticed. I am my tools.

* If your opportunties were taken away, how would you feel?
Scared.



I really don't need sympathy for this episode. I do need someone to yell at me and tell me I'm an idiot, and tell me that nobody should waste their time on me. I did something incredibly stupid. I knew it was stupid and I did it anyway. I am not learning from my mistakes. Two days ago, less than two days ago, I gave in and hit and that didn't make anything better. So today I gave in and scratched. It doesn't matter whether it might have made things better, I shouldn't have done it. I knew while I was doing it that I shouldn't be doing it. I knew before that it was stupid and unnecessary and I did it anyway. I'm just so stupid. Why don't I learn. Why don't I get it. People give me so much help on here and this is how I repay it. What good am I to anyone? I'm going to stop now, because I've wasted enough of peoples' time.

T.

[plantt]

I was looking at applying for a new job, and all the baggage that goes with it (finding a new place to live, working out how I'd get there, etc
--stress? shame(goes along for me often...)? if you had to pinpoint an emotion what would it be?

Really, Really STUPID
--not the brightest thing to do... nor the healthiest.... I can relate though.

I just decided not to resist the urge, just to see or feel it. It feels strange and good. This is really frightening.
--can relate to that too. often it's the times it became easiest or mattered least that I scared myself most.
any thoughts as to what caused that?

* what other ways of coping did you try besides self-harm? how well did they work?
None.
--what sorts of things could you to when there's no... desire to get through? how could you put things in place to remind you to try alternate ways of coping *regardless*?

Remember that swapping one type of SI for another isn't worth it. Remember that even if my methods got more violent before, I don't need this now.
--*nods* tough things to remember at times

It is resolved.
--how?

list three specific things you will commit to trying.
--I'd really like to see you answer that. I realise that often it's hypothetical/ideal. even so.

I'm alone, and I felt lousy.
--really sucks. sorry you felt that way

"* What would you have done if there was no opportunity, how would you have handled your urge?
No I would have resisted this because it wasn't a strong urge. It might have developed into a strong urge, but I just didn't wait to find out. If I had tried I might have dealt with it.

* If there had been no opportunity would your urge to self-harm have increased or decreased?
Probably increased. "
--what are alternate ways of dealing with that situation?
urges are not actions. even intense urges.

it really sucks to find yourself doing the same stuff you have before... when you "know better" & some part of you doesn't want to. or really even when all of you wants to but some gut feeling is saying "this is stupid."
everyone does "stupid" things (stupid in quotations as I wasn't exactly sure how you were using that term )
sometimes, for some of us, it takes a bit of repetition of mistakes before we finally start doing things differently.
& sometimes even "small" things can turn into "well, piece of poo, might as well...." situations.
it's tough.
so you made a mistake. I'd not say it was a wise decision. it does not make you a bad person (cliche, yeah, maybe) nor does it mean that you have to keep repeating that.

[syn]

The first relapse is the time to act, to hone your coping mechanisms and plan out how you're going to avoid this in the future. This can feel like a one time thing, it could be a one time thing, but what if it isn't? What if the urges return.

What made this time different from all the others times where you didn't SI?

What did you do in those situations that made it so that you were able to cope without SI?

It also sounds like you have a lot on your plate right now, how can you break that down into smaller chunks so it isn't as overwhelming?

You said you just found out that your friend SIs, and this I got from your post, was a trigger for you. How can you address this so it isn't a trigger in the future?

Those are things that might be helpful to address.

Don't worry about what has been done, life is a learning experience.