Before

[Not_what]

# how will this situation or feeling change if i hurt myself?

It wont. None of it will change, whatsoever.

# what will hurting myself bring to the situation? what will it take away from the situation?

It will give me something to hold on to

# how do i want to feel about this in the long run? is hurting myself likely to get me closer to or farther from feeling that way?

Ill get further away. I dont want to go down this road yet again. im fed up of it. but i really dont care anymore

# if hurting myself seems like my best option right now, how long will the relief it brings last? what will i do then?

Itll last until the cuts heal. and then itll go, and ill begin this stupid cycle yet again

# what is something i could do now instead of hurting myself? how will it change the situation i'm in? how long will that change last, and what will i do then?

I will go out. Itll get me away from my parents and brother, but place me with yet another trigger. ill go to my friends where i wont be around lots of triggers. ill stay at theirs or ill come home. staying out would be better

# how will i feel tomorrow if i hurt myself? how will i feel tomorrow if i do the other thing i came up with?

ill feel crap, but ill also feel glad that i know i can still do it, and ill still be in control of it

# what do i really want to do right now? how can i best honor the self-protective instinct that has me wanting to self-injure right now?

right now i want to crawl into my duvet with someone that cares about me who can tell me everything will be ok and help me stop feeling so damn pitiful towards myself

# Why do I feel I need to hurt myself? What has brought me to this point?

just feeling shit in general. being moody and around my family hasnt helped. knowing im going out with my boyfriend isnt helping

# Have I been here before? What did I do to deal with it? How did I feel then?

I probably just cut, to be honest. or i went out and exercised and took my mind off it. i know when i exercise i feel a lot better

# What I have done to ease this discomfort so far? What else can I do that won't hurt me?

ive sat and ate shit loads. thats all ive done. like i said before, i can go out, eat some more, and sleep

# How do I feel right now?

i feel like shit. i just want to get it over and done with rather than filling out this. its taking a lot of strength to sit here until james comes. if i dont then ill probably cut. i need to go get changed but i know ill try to cut. and that thought actually scares me. my parents are upstairs. i cant really cut. but i can try

# How will I feel when I am hurting myself?

ill feel adrenaline and happy htat i have done. but il also feel guilty and regretful

# How will I feel after hurting myself? How will I feel tomorrow morning?

ill feel even worse. in the morning ill feel like such a disappointment. work will be harder because of where the cuts wil be and the pads in my boat will kill me. itll be a very unpleasant experience

# Can I avoid this stressor, or deal with it better in the future?

i cant really avoid it. i need to learn to get over things

# Do I need to hurt myself?

no. but i want to. and that makes a big difference

i dont really expect replies. im just whingeing on and on and on

sorry

[balletomane]

No need to apologize. I'm sorry you're feeling badly.
You mentioned that you cannot avoid this stressor in the future and that you need to learn to "get over things." If this stressor is something that really cannot be avoided, what ways do you have to cope with it? Can you anticipate the situation? How can you lessen its impact on you?

I hope you are feeling better. Take care.

[Not_what]

Thank you for replying, Balletomane, I really appreciate it. To avoid cutting, I went to my friends and got drunk instead. So if I'm being incoherent, that's why

Right now, the stressor feels like some sa stuff wit my mate. And everything seems to follow on from that. when i wrote this, it didnt feel that way, im not sure what it did feel like, but now the main thing seems to be that

*rambling*

I dont have any ways of dealing with any of this. i dont have coping methods. ive never really tried them, ive just tried not to. ive found going ou exercising helps tho, so im going to work on usuing that as some kind of coping

i can anticipate it, i know exactly when its coming, but i cant stop it. its like a realy wierd feeling, it takes over me, and i cant do anything about it. and i know exactly when its set in (i dont know why its set in) but theres nothing i can do about it, i just turn into a bitch



thank you for replying though