Things Left Unsaid - Version 3.0 *Language*

ViolinPlayingGoat · Post by **ViolinPlayingGoat** » Tue Sep 19, 2006 10:42 pm

fuck you. i wish i did throw a table at you.

Beasty · Post by **Beasty** » Wed Sep 20, 2006 2:53 am

LB- I want a girl with lips like morphine. Yours are saturated with it.

H- Say you want me with you, here beside you. Love me, thats all I ask of you.

LK: One word: JEN.

CF: Just come fuck me. It's not that hard.

I: Hush. Shut up. Stop telling me all the reasons you say no.

flipflopfetish · Post by **flipflopfetish** » Wed Sep 20, 2006 3:05 am

Dude. Try and understand it from my point of view. You come to school acting more like a clone of me than anything else, saying outloud everything I've been much too scared to say, but still keeping it together better than me (or so it seems). And then on top of that half the time you ignore me, half the time you treat me like your best friend. What am I supposed to think? You manage to make me hate myself so much whenever I'm around you. Please stop

Quiet little Angel · Post by **Quiet little Angel** » Fri Sep 22, 2006 4:52 pm

no i'm not coming to this housewarming thing tonight... but i wish you would ask me if i am... none of you asked... that's just making it even worse for me... i tried to convince myself i wanted to go... but i don't... but maybe if one of you had asked then i'd want to... but since none of you care then i'm not going...

***

i try to make you see that i'm in pain... but you don't notice... do you...? cuz if you do... please tell me... i just want you to say you care...

***

dad... don't start... you're in China... and still you manage to make me feel bad... can't you just stop... i didn't make you go... so don't take it out on me... please leave me alone...

Post by **Spidey** » Sun Sep 24, 2006 7:42 pm

When I told you that I would wait, I told you that I wouldn't wait forever.

Hurry up.

You are running out of time.

Quiet little Angel · Post by **Quiet little Angel** » Sun Sep 24, 2006 8:00 pm

look at me... please help me... don't you see it?

Koru · Post by **Koru** » Mon Sep 25, 2006 5:39 pm

D - Yes, I was upset when you called, it was tears you herd in my voice but I just can't admit that to you. I know I have no right to be, I know this is your job, I know I'm only a friend. But I really do care for you. I miss you, I was looking forward to seeing you. I'm hurt and dissapointed. I guess I had kind of hoped that things would develop when we saw each other. Now you are going away again. I'm afraid for you. I can't tell you how I feel because that might ruin our friendship, in fact suspect I gave away too much away on the phone today. But now I will spend another 6 weeks, waiting, wondering - hoping you'll come back.

My head knows that we can never be a couple. Even when you told me you had broken up with your girlfriend and I asked whether that meant you were single, your response was 'until the next one' - you are never going to be a reliable boyfriend to me or anyone else so I have to get over this. Unfortunately my heart doesn't agree. I just can't get you out of my mind. I'm rather afraid that I've fallen for you.

Quiet little Angel · Post by **Quiet little Angel** » Mon Sep 25, 2006 8:09 pm

i wish i could make you understand this... but i don't think you really want to understand... i believe in God... yes... i believe in Jesus... yes... but i don't believe that either of them wrote the bible... i believe it to be the work of man... i believe in science... i know Jesus existed... i know people have written down loads of stories about him and what he did... not only what's in the bible... that's why i believe that God had great plans for this human... emphathis on the word human... all the stories in the bible have exelent points and morals... they all have something to teach us all... but it doesn't mean they're all true... they're not like the documentaries on discovery channel... i believe that Jesus had great things to say... i believe that he believed in god more than anyone... he died for his faith... that alone makes him great... he died believing he took away all the sins of mankind... that's what i believe... i believe that God is always there for me... i wish you could see it... i need to believe in something... i chose God... i'm not telling you to believe... so don't question my right to believe... you can ask me what i believe... but DONT EVER ask me why!!! you don't want to know what it took for me to need to believe like this... i went through things you can't imagine... so don't ask when i can't tell you... i don't question your motives for believing... or not believing... i'm not saying you have to believe... maybe you don't... i actually hope so... i hope you haven't had my kind of expieriences... or any similar ones... but at the same time i hope you'll one day understand what my faith means to me... it has kept me going for so long... don't try and pull that out from under me... if i don't have my God, then what do i have? i know i'll never get to tell you this... and i know if i got the chance i'd never be able to say it right... you'd destroy every word... you wont fully understand until you're like me... and i hope you never will be... and until then you'll always want to make me look and feel stupid for believing... it's not you're rigth to do that... so please stop it...

fuyumi · Post by **fuyumi** » Tue Sep 26, 2006 9:58 pm

why the hell is it so fucking HARD for you to see that i'm hurting?! do you really think i'm sitting around crying because it's my fucking hpbby or something?! i mean come ON

ViolinPlayingGoat · Post by **ViolinPlayingGoat** » Wed Sep 27, 2006 6:23 pm

-i dont even know what i feel for you atm. i feel confused.
today i feel like i'm reverting back to how i was, and it makes me want to cry or scream or something cos i don;t want to fall back there but i feel so odd, i dont understand at all.
i think maybe ive just had a shit day anyways and thats why this is coming up again. its something that i used to understand, so i could focus my feelings on it even if they were crap feelings.
but i dont understand it anymore.

-please for fucks sake plead guilty. i know you won't cos you are arrogant and stubborn, but please. it would be so mucb easier if you did.

Skyeler · Post by **Skyeler** » Thu Sep 28, 2006 4:54 am

**SA**

I cut myself because I wanted you to care, I wanted you to stop fighting about the Andy Wharhol painting and see how much the divorce was hurting me. I wanted you to notice that I wasn't eating, that I was taking pills. I wanted you to act like a mother, I just wanted to be cared for.

I cut myself because he taught me that I was worthless and back then I had no one to tell me otherwise. I did it to punish myself when I did eat or after awhile to help with how painful bulimia became. I cut myself because even though I made the varsity soccer team my freshman year of highschool I was still a loser in your eyes. Because I went to school everyday to be with kids who threw stuff at me when I walked. You dumped me in the straightest, strictest christian schools you could ifnd and their ideas of what being a "good" "righteous" person was mad me question myself even more.

I cut myself because I didn't love myself, loving myself is an idea I'm still getting used to. I realize now that he destroyed my self esteem and my self worth, cutting was less painful than dealing with my everyday life. You divorced him because he hit you and then you didn't take me away from him. I don't pretend to understand your logic, I realize you couldn't save both of us so you saved yourself.

The first girl who did love me I left because I didn't think I was worth enough to be with her. I left her for my first boyfriend, he raped me. I don't think I've ever typed those words in my entire life, but it did happen and I was too scared to tell anyone I'm still too ashamed to tell anyone it's the one thing about me Sarah doesn't know. I might go back and erase that statement.

I stopped cutting because of Sarah and because of Hunter. Sarah gave up her life because she trusted that I could make her happier than something she'd dreamt about her whole life. Hunter has the right to be brought up by someone who can teach him to love himself. I didn't stop because of you, or because I grew out of it, I stopped because it didn't help me anymore. There came a point where it was useless to cut. As much as I hate saying it because I hate acknowledging myself, I stopped cutting because of me.

Quiet little Angel · Post by **Quiet little Angel** » Thu Sep 28, 2006 5:35 am

useless... that's the word... that's how i feel... when you ask me howcome there's something i can't figure out... it's math mom... i know you think i'm good at every subject at school... but the truth is... i'm fighting hard to just get my clothes on in the morning... how can you expect me to be good at anything... i need you to start seeing that i'm not as wonderfull or perfect as her... she's always going to be your perfect little talented daughter... i'll only ever be me... and i know it's no way near to perfect... it's not even good enough for me... just don't expect me to be her...

Callisto · Post by **Callisto** » Thu Sep 28, 2006 10:01 am

I want to cut again...worse than I think I ever have in the past....it makes me feel like a failure. I'm too scared to say anything about it in case it makes people think less of me.

I'm scared of getting better. I just want to run away from the whole idea. I'm scared of actually liking myself, loving myself. Scared because I still don't think I'm worth it and wanting it makes me feel dirty and selfish because I think I shouldn't matter, not to myself or to anyone really.

I'm not sure I can do this.

balletomane · Post by **balletomane** » Thu Sep 28, 2006 12:00 pm

I. am. dumb.

Why do I want to become a mathematician? What was I thinking? This is way too hard.

stupid stupid stupid.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
It's a miracle I've actually done anything after the week I had. My homework will take a hit, but oh well. Just keep going. Keep trying things.

Licentia Poetica · Post by **Licentia Poetica** » Thu Sep 28, 2006 1:59 pm

I miss you.

I think I've said it a zillion times.

I think I've burst into tears a zillion times.

I don't know what else there is I can say, or do.

I don't know how to tell you how sorry I am.

I don't know who else to tell. I need to go out in public & scream it somewhere. I need to scream that I stopped you, not when it mattered of course, but every night after that in my sleep. Every morning I woke up, everytime I look at the sky, every 14th of every month, every time i needed you I stopped you.

It's been over two years.. and I'm still trying to work out how I'm going to live with myself.

You don't know what I wouldn't give to change what I did. I'd give everything I own, every cent I ever make, every happiness I will ever have. I would give my life, my heart, my everything just to change what I did to you.

MusicalMorphine · Post by **MusicalMorphine** » Thu Sep 28, 2006 4:16 pm

Stop trying to take advantage of her. It's not fair.

Quiet little Angel · Post by **Quiet little Angel** » Thu Sep 28, 2006 7:46 pm

i'm sorry... sorry i let everyone down... you all deserve better... i hate what i'm doing to you all... but i can't stop myself...

please listen to me... please understand me... please love me... please read my little signs... please don't hate me for being like this...

Callisto · Post by **Callisto** » Fri Sep 29, 2006 10:19 am

I want to tell you why I'm scared of getting better, I want you to comfort me about it but I don't think you'll understand

red umbrellas · Post by **red umbrellas** » Fri Sep 29, 2006 10:30 am

i'm sorry. i'm so sorry.
i'm glad you don't know yet. i don't ever want you to know.
but i'm not sure i want this to stop either.
i just seem to get into patterns where it's inevitable that i'll hurt others.
i'm so sorry.

namaste · Post by **namaste** » Fri Sep 29, 2006 5:36 pm

I love you. I do. I know that that can't be right after jsut one evening but I know how I feel., I think about you day and night and it is tearing me up insuide. Part of me wants to keep contact, part of me doesn't and I don't know what to do. I dont' want to hurt you by saying "no" but I don't want to hurt either.

If we had met here, if you weren't married, if you were free without children, if...if...if....

bus

Things Left Unsaid - Version 3.0 Language

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