can't give hugs

half/hearted · Post by **half/hearted** » Fri Sep 01, 2006 5:32 am

Maybe this is OT but I'm wondering if anyone else on here has experienced this...

My family loves hugs. Dysfunctional as we are, we do hug a lot. Or we used to. Lately I have had a lot of trouble opening up and letting myself be vulnerable to giving/getting hugs. My brother and I used to hug goodnight every night--it was kind of our way of saying "No matter what we fought about or said today, I'm your sibling and I love you." But lately I just can't hug him/let him hug me.

Part of it is that I don't feel comfortable letting myself be that close to anyone; part of it is that it scares me to get a hug, because I don't really feel anything emotionally--usually I just feel numb.

Anyone else have problems with physical closeness?

(by the way, I still like hugs on bus...

)

tzanti · Post by **tzanti** » Fri Sep 01, 2006 11:27 am

My family were never particularly physically affectionate. I dislike hugs, and I think I always have done. Even 'virtual' hugs make me nervous and uncomfortable. I don't know that there is anything wrong with it, though.

T.

MusicalMorphine · Post by **MusicalMorphine** » Fri Sep 01, 2006 12:05 pm

I'm the same. The only people I can really hug is like close friends. Don't worry about it.

Licentia Poetica · Post by **Licentia Poetica** » Fri Sep 01, 2006 12:30 pm

It's not uncommon for SI'ers to not like being physically touched. Sometimes this stems from abuse issues, other times it's just discomfort with being physically close to another person.

I cannot *stand* being touched by people I don't know. I love hugs from my friends, or people I know & trust, but if I don't know the person.. they have to STAY AWAY.

I passed out when I got my ears pierced. I can't stand getting blood tests done, or anything like that. Once I had a panic attack because I tried to get a manicure.

I don't like being touched.

flipflopfetish · Post by **flipflopfetish** » Sun Sep 03, 2006 5:37 am

I hate being hugged or touched by my parents. But by friends or sometimes even strangers I'm fine with it. Except for my neck or my feet. I can't get pedicures. But that's OT.

Oceanic · Post by **Oceanic** » Sun Sep 03, 2006 2:50 pm

For about 5 or 6 years I really hated being hugged or touched by anyone in my family -- and always by anyone I didn't know. I could handle being hugged or touched by certain, special individuals in my life - actually, I craved that -- but they were the only ones.

But it seems that as I got older I became less sensitive to the issue. And though I still can't stand being touched by anyone I don't know very well or by acquaintances, I'm okay with being hugged and touched by my family and friends, most of the time. Sometimes I even like it.

So, you're definitely not the only one!

balletomane · Post by **balletomane** » Sun Sep 03, 2006 11:38 pm

I really dislike being touched. It makes me feel physically ill much of the time.

Can you tell your brother what's going on? Even just to say, I'm not feeling very huggy right now, but I love you. I don't know if that is harder on the emotional vulnerability front, but it might help him to know that you aren't angry.

izz · Post by **izz** » Mon Sep 04, 2006 5:01 pm

i can totally relate to this one.

everyone in my family hugs.. its like a great big hug-orgy or somethin.

i dont like people touching me. it makes me all anxious-like. and i dont see why you have to hug someoen to show that you love them, but eh i'm a bit crazy so whatever.

half/hearted · Post by **half/hearted** » Mon Sep 04, 2006 5:05 pm

Everyone - thank you so much. I'm glad to know that I'm not alone in this.

I do sometimes just say to my brother that I'm not in the mood to hug, but often he still walks off in a huff, saying "You're never in the mood to hug." Still, I think he's starting to understand, and it doesn't bother him as much now as it did before.

izz · Post by **izz** » Mon Sep 04, 2006 5:09 pm

jae wrote:Everyone - thank you so much. I'm glad to know that I'm not alone in this. I do sometimes just say to my brother that I'm not in the mood to hug, but often he still walks off in a huff, saying "You're never in the mood to hug." Still, I think he's starting to understand, and it doesn't bother him as much now as it did before.

is he 5 years old?

i cant imagine a grown person getting insulting cuz someone doesnt want to hug.

steady hands · Post by **steady hands** » Tue Sep 05, 2006 6:02 am

me and my brother are sorta the same way. I'm not big on hugs, so now instead, we make hearts with our hands at each other. haha. that sounds really cheesy. maybe you could find something less physical to do?

gretch.

recovering4me · Post by **recovering4me** » Wed Sep 20, 2006 7:02 pm

i used to be the same way... still am now kindof. i don't like being hugged by people i don't know very well. but family/friends is OK now. i guess it stems from the abuse... ((Ehugs)) if ok

wish · Post by **wish** » Fri Sep 22, 2006 10:16 pm

i find hugs or even close physical contact really hard.im ok with my husband hugging me but even then i dont really enjoy it.but i just cant do it with even close family or friends.
on the odd occasion my sister hugs me its just so awkward.

a friend asked me to put on her bracelet for her the other day and i could barely do it my hands were shaking,she was just too near to me.
i dont know why,my family were never shy about hugs when i was a kid.i dont really try to figure it out its easier just to avoid those situations.

can't give hugs

can't give hugs

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