The best...

[Forgotten One]

I honestly think the best way to cope with SI is to get a bf/gf. It helped me a lot...even if you can't seem to find that someone, just keep looking...there's someone for you that will help to make you feel better and raise your self esteem, to give you a positive outlook on life...

[Licentia Poetica]

That can be really true in many cases.

There's nothing like a new love interest to make you feel special & wanted & cared about. It can really raise your self esteem & get you going out & looking on the brighter side of things.

But it's no definate cure. I found that the problems I had in my life ended up translating themselves into my relationship. The first month or so of feeling loved & happy eventually was overshadowed by my self doubt.

By all means a relationship can definately be a positive thing in your life, sometimes positive enough to help you get out of your dark place... but in the end it has to come from within you.

Feeling in love is a great feeling, but a relationship is a long term thing that you both have to put equal energy into. Sometimes they don't work out & you're left feeling even worse than you did before. You do have to remember that just because the relationship didn't work out, it still means you have the ability to love & be loved, and that's something truly special.

[April]

I disagree. Relationships, even a good one brings with it its own problems. And what happens when/if it ends?

A relationship can make things worse, not better. I think a good friend is much better for coping then a b/f or g/f.

[mydriasis]

Whilst a partner may improve self-esteem, I disagree that it's the best way to cope with SI. That way, you're setting your emotional well-being on another individual. What happens if in a few months - or even years - the relationship ends? If you've only dealt with your SI in terms of how happy you've been with that person, I don't doubt you'll return to it immediately.

Coping with SI is something that needs to be done by the individual. Whilst the people are you can certainly be there to support you, it's something that must be changed from the inside.

[pointeless]

I also have to disagree i'm afraid... using any relationship as the basis for your recovery is risky and unproductive.
What if there's a fight? the relationship breaks up?...
I stopped si for my ex - and it worked...until we argued or there were problems or tensions in the relationship, then I si'id, and he'd get mad - and there'd be more tension which would lead to me further engaging in si and it became a vivious cycle.When we split I fell apart and si'd on a daily basis...
Relationships are an important part of recoverying from any kind of mental distress, but it's down to the individual themselves at the end of the day - you have to get better for yourself not somebody else..

[Skyeler]

I disagree also, you should never base your main coping system as another person because it's unfair to that person and it's unstable, what happens when the relationship ends? What if they go on vacation? To summer camp? What if they move away?

Self esteem primarily has to be built by you, it can't be provided by someone else because then when that person leaves your self esteem goes with them.

My wife is an integral part of my coping system, but she's not my entire system, I'm not basing my entire recovery on her being there because she has other things to do than to be there for me all the time.

[Neviah]

I disagree (sorry)

whenever me and my bf argue i feel really urgy for SI. Whilst I don't always cut and it's not his fault its the idea of losing him.

at the end of the day every couple argues and as skyeler said its not fair to the other person

[Guest]

i to have to disagree. having a bf/gf can make you feel a better, but i think making someone your coping system is kinda selfish. to me it would be like telling someone they're in control of whether you SI or not, and i don't think thats fair on the other person.

[Oceanic]

having a relationship is a really great thing and it's wonderful to be able to count on someone else.

that said, it's essential that you base your coping abilities and skills around yourself....because ultimately, you are really all that you have. (and i don't mean that in a dismal way like people will abandon you...but rather that really, when it comes down to it, it's all about what YOU are capable of doing when it comes to taking careof yourself and functioning in a healthy manner.)


sarah