So broken

my28secrets · Post by **my28secrets** » Tue Jun 13, 2006 10:02 pm

i dont know if i can continue stopping. i havent in a couple months and i stopped taking my medication (Zoloft). i have problems with my mom, with my friends. and im having an identity crisis. a person i had considered a really close friend chose to believe rumors instead of me and wanted to fight me. but i didnt want to fight her because i love her so much. i wouldnt think of it. she even wished me suicide on one of her myspace blogs. im so crushed and hurt because no one has ever shown so much hate and resentment towards me without even a valid reason. she called me a dyke because i confessed that im bi and i started having feelings for her but she led me on especially when she repeated said she loved me the last time we hung out and would ignore her bf for me. maybe she's confused too? because her best friend told me she once had a gf and since then she hates girls. well, i had just accepted that thats who i am and she hurts me that way and gets all defensive as soon as we get close. i dont know why she would publicly post that blog about me because she only came to find out me SIing when i found her out. and i never not once told anyone or insulted her in anyway. i just feel so... i dont even know. all i know is that i cant take it anymore. i have an itchy spot that wont go away and i havent even slept for days. im afraid i'll do it in my sleep again. or i'll just go nuts into a black hole and hurt myself. i really miss my method of relief. i feel like i wont feel better or complete until i do it even if it's the last time. but how many times can i say this is the last time? everything is frustrating me and i even found myself popping pain killers again. and i dont want my addictions to take over my life again and change who i am. but the thing is i dont know who i am. my brain hurts but my heart hurts more. i cant even cry anymore.

leemc77 · Post by **leemc77** » Wed Jun 14, 2006 3:01 am

Oh, I'm so sorry for all the pain you're suffering through. I don't have any words to help, but please know, I'm reading and my heart breaks for you. Take care and try to stay safe!

Post by **Spidey** » Wed Jun 14, 2006 5:00 am

falling... · Post by **falling...** » Wed Jun 14, 2006 11:43 am

_________________
Honda Accord

my28secrets · Post by **my28secrets** » Wed Jun 14, 2006 10:17 pm

Thanks for the comfort

leemc77 · Post by **leemc77** » Wed Jun 14, 2006 11:11 pm

How are you?

my28secrets · Post by **my28secrets** » Thu Jun 15, 2006 10:54 pm

i dont know. im tryn to be strong and hang there because theres alot for me to look forward to like starting college. but i feel like im just tryn to convince myself of that. im going to go out of town for a while to work for my uncle's company. maybe a change of atmosphere will do me good. im so glad i have bus. i truly feel better knowing that there are ppl out there who are compassionate and empathetic to my situation. i love it here. thank you everyone.

leemc77 · Post by **leemc77** » Thu Jun 15, 2006 11:21 pm

Glad to hear back from you. Maybe a change of scenery would be helpful. Keep on hanging on. Let me know how things are going.

Leeanna

So broken

So broken

Who is online