hasn't been that bad in a long time, and I feel like I had very little control. I am trying to be angry with myself because I broke my rules; I cut where it can be seen, not much and I realised and stopped, but that's a clear indication I have no control. Also, I don't know if I would have stopped if my friend hadn't called. Now it is urging me more. I am urging me, the cuts, the look and also the feel of pain when the skin moves. So I am trying to work things out cos it can't go on like this.
nothing specific that I can think of, the day before had issues with my ex, had been thinking 'bout it and not sleeping very wellwhat had happened just before?
feeling overwhelmed, desperate to be able to dissociatewhat were you thinking and feeling?
Think it was the end of my resolve, had been wanting to a long time, esp night before, but talked to friend all night instead. This time, I don't know, it was like I wanted to give in.why did you end up hurting yourself then instead of some other time? was there an event that was the final straw? what was it?
I got home and was drinking and v angry, v tired. could prob have called someone even though I felt I couldn't cause i was too upset; didn't want to worry people but ended up worrying them more cause they called me after.how did the situation get to the final straw stage? trace it back through the events that led up to the last event. look for some point at which you could have made a different decision and not arrived at the final straw.
Yes, alcohol and lack of sleep. Insomnia bad, having trouble managing it. Alcohol can help me get to sleep, but makes si worse if I do it while drinking. Often the 2 are combined for me.were there outside factors like drugs, alsohol, being off your meds, lack of sleep, etc? can you address those in the future? how?
This time not manywhat other ways of coping did you try besides self-harm? how well did they work?
I had tried talking to people, netting, writing, drawing etc in days previous, but didn't have the patience last night.Yes, I should have gone for a walk, called someone. Urges started in morning, decided before I got home that it was going to happen. Maybe need to have credit so I can message people during breaks etc when things are bad and people are mean to me- not to tell them but just to touch base with people outside.in retrospect, are there coping methods that you now realize might have helped? what were they?
name at least two things you will do to help yourself remember those coping methods if you end up in this situation again.
Have credit on my phone at all times
Have walking gear ready in bedroom so the out of the house part is easier
how do you feel about the situation that led to self-harm now? is it resolved? if not, what are some steps you might take toward resolution?
Not resolved. i feel closed of, cold towards it. Don't know if it has actually sealed or will resurface.. I am avoiding it right now. Know that it is starting to annoy my friends now. Don't know how to resolve it.
are you likely to be in that emotional place again? how will you recognize it when you're in that situation?
Yes, don't know.
what will you try before you resort to self-harm if you're in that situation again? list three specific things you will commit to trying.
I will contact someone, either online, on phone or irl.
I will leave physically if possible
I will try non permanent alternatives first.
About Opportunities to SI
Opportunity to Self-Harm seems to be a common theme. Think about why opportunities are important to slips and learn why opportunity is important to you.
What made that opportunity more appealing than any other?
Extreme stress, recent thoughts about it, possibility of help.
Did you make an opportunity or was it there for the taking?
I think I made this opportunity
What would you have done if there was no opportunity, how would you have handled your urge?
I am not good at this, sometimes when I can't I really lose my head, like when I stay with friends or family. But I guess I would have gone out for a bit, or I might have tried drinking, or drugs. Sometimes I take something that will knock me out for a bit. Don't know if those methods are much better.
If there had been no opportunity would your urge to self-harm have increased or decreased?
increased
What consitutes opportunity for you? Being alone? having new tools? waiting for the right feeling?
being alone, the feeling, timing.
If your opportunties were taken away, how would you feel?
Scared, anxious, nervous, unsure how to cope.
