if you have OD'd i need to talk to you *su*

zachansonswife · Post by **zachansonswife** » Tue Feb 01, 2005 8:28 am

If you still want to chat to someone who has OD'd you can get a hold of me

Thunder_chey · Post by **Thunder_chey** » Tue Mar 15, 2005 3:43 am

POSSIBLE TRIGGS
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I could go on telling you how disgustingly sickening it feels to OD on stuff. Throwing up and having to keep the charcole down but what really made me stop and think was the way I was treated in the ICU. The nurses were all very impatient with me and quite rude. Not because they wanted to be hateful to me, but it was because these men and women take care of crash victems, burns, and children. They take care of many people who dont want to have their life ended. I know you dont want to hear that its selfish. That isnt the point of this. Its just how I felt. I had to barf on my bed and they just left me there. If I died they didnt care. I guess they thought it surved me right.

I know they didnt know the whole story of why I od'd that one night 2 years ago, but the nurses just gloating and taking their time only coming into the room if I was asparating on my puke.

I felt so alone and so isolated. I dont know what felt worse, thowing up or the way people were acting around me.

Please dont OD. Chances are you will live through it and the memory will stay with you for a very long time.

I still cant swallow pink or blue coloured pills. I cant swallow any uncoated pills.I cant swallow anything bitter without wanting to throw up. I cant take tums or any antacid because it reminds me of the charcole.

I cant even stand the smell of coffee as it reminds me of that night. My stomach turns in sickness but I hope that maby this one time you decide not to OD. Please, just dont.

Chey

chloe312 · Post by **chloe312** » Tue Mar 29, 2005 2:48 pm

my frend caught me, with the pills in my hand, sum in my mouth. she'd been worried and had come round to see how i was. she found my sat in the empty bath crying. i was lucky. thanks to her i am here to live and love. i was saved and i want to use that to save others. you. if u do not have a frend to save u, u have this- the knowledge that we - people u hav never even met - do not want u to die. it is not the easy way out. there is not an easy way out. they will all b hard but only sum will actuly help....su will not. please

Nazgul · Post by **Nazgul** » Mon Apr 11, 2005 3:14 am

Wow Mab...

thank you for sharing your story. I hope you are doing better now at least a little, from the time of your post. That is so profound. I have never really considered ODing as an option, as I had to watch a video in High School of a girl having her stomach pumped. It was not pretty, and I told myself there had to be a better way to go. I had no idea just how horrible it really is though. Thank you for reminding me that there is no good way to go out, and what a truly terrible thing it is to try to take your own life. Especially since we don't really want to die, all we want is for the pain to go away.

You are truly blessed to be alive. May your story save the life of another.

~Nazgul

Miss_Panda · Post by **Miss_Panda** » Thu Apr 14, 2005 3:03 pm

I've O'Ded.It's not the best feeling in the world.I vomited most of my pills back up.I still had to go to hospital.My mum was upset.I told her to grow up and realise that life was a bitch and she should get over it.We're still not talking properly now.I'd advise you not to do.It's the worst feeling you'll ever have.

xxx

_MessedUp_ · Post by **_MessedUp_** » Thu Apr 14, 2005 3:14 pm

people do seem do have an idylic view of OD'ing

but they are so so wrong

i still feel ashamed of what i did

SongBirdWVU · Post by **SongBirdWVU** » Tue May 03, 2005 1:17 am

Might trigger

Hi everyone.. this is m first post here. I OD-ed a week after my 20th birthday in March. I live with a couple of roommates in university, but we aren't really close. My boyfriend was mean to me, I didn't get a job i needed (and thought I earned) and everything was closing in, so I decided to overdose. I took [#] of my anti depressant meds, and then my boyfriend called after I swallowed. I told him what I had done and he talked me into going to the ER.. I drove myself.. probably wasn't the smartest thing, but I wanted to go in under my own power. They made me drink two things of charcoal from a cup.. didn't pump it into me. They also did all kinds of tests on my heart and such.. I didn't vomit, but I had it coming out the other end for days afterwards...

The Er was a piece of cake compared to the mental hospital. I was only there a day, but it was the worst experience of my life. I had never been so afraid. I still can't really talk about it too much. But what I didn't know was that my roommates DID care that I was missing, and actually told the police I was missing. My parents came up and found out where I was.. they drove four hours and then I had to tell them everything... It was horrible.

I also had a romantic view of just laying down and sleeping forever, but it's nothing like that at all...

ghoulie13 · Post by **ghoulie13** » Sun May 08, 2005 6:32 am

not a good feeling waking up in a hospital emergency room with all those wires. people can be mean too.

me...

silentpain · Post by **silentpain** » Sun May 29, 2005 1:52 pm

I have taken a number of ODs but the last one scared the shit out of me.

May be triggering
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It started with the voices that i hear, encouraging me to kill myself. I sat at home scared of what was happening to me. I decided that the only way that i could end my hell was to do as they said.
With my children sat down stairs watching the TV i took the [edited]. I then took [edited] and lay on the bed and felt myself driffing.
I woke up in ICU, heart monitors attached, drips in both arms. I was told by the nurse not to move because i had a central line in my leg where i had had to have kidney dialysis. I had been on dialysis for 18 hours. I was haveing tests done to see whether my creatinin levels had droped enough. They hadn't and so i had to go back on dialysis for a further 5 hours.
I had a glucose drip in one arm and Ethenol in the other. I had been unconscious for almost 2 days in which time i had convulsions.
After 3 days in ICU i was transfered to a ward where i had to go have a scan on my kidneys. I have unfortunatly done perminate damage to my kidneys.
Throughout my time in A&E my husband stayed with me. He told me later that he had never been so frightened watching my body throw itself around as i had convulsions and then watching as they put the central line in the top of my leg into my femeral artery.
I was sectioned under the mental health act for being a danger to myself. I spent 2months in a mental hospital.

That was almost 4 months ago. It scared me and i have to live with the consequences of what i did. I am trying to keep my voices under control with meds and hope that next time i am psychotic i don't do the same again.

Next time i might not survive.

t_k · Post by **t_k** » Wed Jun 01, 2005 10:49 am

Alright... I want to share this to drive in the point of how horrible it is and for how long it can affect you.
Please learn something from my mistakes as I have.

Spoiler for graphicness, eating disorders, being abusive, alcohol, SI, language and talking about feelings i felt at the time (covering all my bases spoilerwise...)
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For a while I had been taking 'mini ODs', hoarding a few pills and washing them down with some vodka or whatever else I could get hold of. It'd been a fucked up year... I'd had more than one break up and I'd moved out of home to live with a friend which didn't work out because the guy who had dumped me earlier in the year, Chris, had tried to kill himself because of me... he also started SI'ing because of me as well as us progressing each other's eating issues (his being full blown anorexia)...

I was talking to Chris on MSN as well as Kathryn, a sadistic little bitch who hates me.
Kathryn was mocking me about having Dysthymic disorder so I bitched to Chris because I'd guessed he was the one who had told Kathryn about my disorder. he wasn't in the least sympathetic and revealed to me that Kathryn had depression (without her permission).
Chris' lack of sympathy got to me. i felt like shit.

I was crying. I went up to my room (I was living at home again by this time and it was more than a little stressful, especially considering the reason I had moved out was my mum and I having more than one physical fight) and got out the container full of pills I had hoarded. I had gotten most of them a few days earlier after a bad session with my T.

I put them all on my bed and swallowed them in 2 big handfuls.
It calmed me a little but not enough.
I went into the shower and cut, scars I still have nearly a year on.
I got out of the shower and dressed.
It still wasn't enough, I wanted something drastic and I was feeling no effects of the pills.

I got some scissors and told my mum I wanted to cut my hair. She said she would do it for me. She took a lot of it off. I no longer looked myself and that made me feel a little happier.
I regret that hair cut... I can see now that my mind was starting to go a little woozy from the pills by then.

I then went into the lounge and sat with my mother's girlfriend and watched a little of the Olympic games because they were on (random clear memories...) and told her that I had OD'd.
She said she wouldn't tell my mum because I begged her to.

I moved around the house a little more then began to feel woozy.

I had felt this way once before, when I had thrown up then passed out from alcohol and pills the year before.

I went to the bathroom and threw up.
The sound was easy to disguise at first (I have fazes of bulimia, I'm no stranger to hiding the sound) but it got difficult after a while.
At first there were a few minutes between the retches and I could leave the bathroom and they didn't hurt because I had food and water in me to help the vomit up.
I threw up no whole pills.
Then I had to stay in the bathrrom, bent over the toilet bowl because I was vomitting so much.
It was all yellow and all STUNK!
My mum asked me if I was okay... I said I was.
Eventually Mary (her partner) told her that I had overdosed.

My mum got really angry at me. She yelled and blamed me and called me all sorts of crap.
Then she called the hospital.
After quite a while they decided to take me to th hospital... I was shaking and weak. It had been a wee while since I'd first taken the pills and I was dehydrated.

They wrapped me in a blanket and we went to the hospital. I sat in the waiting room at first then I think I passed out a little so they took me into the main area.
When I got up to go to the hospital I met the most disgusting sight of my life... this man had a bloody face and he spelt foul. I think he'd been bashed really badly... I'll never forget how he smelt.
They stuck an IV in my arm eventually, spraying blood all over my favourite blanket in the process.
the IV hurt and dug into the back of my arm.
I passed out and slept lots before they moved me into the kids ward (I was 15 at the time) and hooked me up to a glucose drip.

I was on 24 hour suicide watch for the next 2 and a bit days.
When I first woke up again there was a whole group of doctors around me.
This one Indian guy yanked up my sleeve and talked about my scars. It was humiliating and horrible.
The whole time I was there no one believed me that I wasn't trying to kill myself. That, and the fact that I hadn't eaten anything but Mentos since I got there, got me put in a psych ward for the next week.

The ward scared me. I didn't want to be there at first but I grew to like it.
Everyone was so morbid... I had razor blades with me and cut more than I had in a long time while in there... I figured I was already locked up, why not prove I was crazy.

Before getting in there I had the scars on my arms faded to the point that it would be a matter of months, definitly less than a year, until I could wear short sleeves again.
Some of my scars from the ward are still vivid.
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Basically my OD taught me a hell of a lot... It has taken me almost a year to be able to take headache medication. I still can't take it if it's not sugar coated.
It stunted my getting over SI something awful.
I have nightmares about it.
My liver is damaged.
I was violated while I was there in that they took a pregnancy test without my consent and I didn't find out until much later.
I lost friends.
I learnt a lot about self injury and the sort that has mucked up my mind because I never wanted to know it.
I met people who I am so scared for/ of...

Don't do it... Don't overdose... I never ever plan to again.
Ever. I just wish I could have known how it would leave me before I did it.

Thanks for letting me share... I hope this helps someone somewhere along the line to put the pills down.

Dungeon_Lilly · Post by **Dungeon_Lilly** » Thu Jun 02, 2005 12:53 am

[OD]

I've OD'd on ibuprofen and codiene a few times I was never trying to kill myself but I didn't really care if I did. After the last one I told my friend how many i'd taken and she said I could have died, it suprised me because I never really thought i'd die. The last one was definatly the worst I told my bf and he was so worried he stayed awake half the night watching me, I was so sleepy I couldn't stay awake I spent most of the next day sleeping then I had the worst headache of my life, i'm used to killer migraines but this felt like my head was going to explode it felt like my brain was trying to get out my head. I can't remeber if I was just ill on the day I OD'd and the day after or for 2 days after it's quite hazy.

Smeagol · Post by **Smeagol** » Fri Jun 02, 2006 2:14 pm

bumpity bump

marshmallowfluff · Post by **marshmallowfluff** » Fri Jun 02, 2006 7:46 pm

Thank you for this thread. I just spent the last hour or so reading through it. It makes me feel glad to be alive.

I have never OD'd seriously, and i dont want to. I have taken over the recommended dose a few times, enough to make me pass out and feel dizzy and sick. That was enough to put me off.

My best friend OD'd in Jan 2005. I dont know the full story, she never really told me what happened but it hurt so many people, and i wouldn't ever want to do that to anyone. The amount of people she upset... She OD'd the night before and went to school the next day. She was seriously depressed and had been for along time. In fact, they were going to send her to a psy ward because her depression wasn't teenage depression, but was more like adult depression. But anyway, she hadn't been going to school but had been spending months at a time in the learning mentors office. She told the mentors that she had OD'd and they called and ambulance. They had to tie her to a chair and carry her outside because she refused to go. It was too late to pump her stomach. She took all the pills in her house. If she'd've taken just a few more she would have died. She spent 2 weeks in hospital and has permanent damage to her liver. I can say that maybe i hate her for doing that because she put people through so much whilst she was in hospital and she upset so many people. She did say, however, that she is glad to be alive and wouldnt do that again.

Neviah · Post by **Neviah** » Sat Jun 03, 2006 7:24 pm

little bit late but thought i'd say about mine..

I spent a terrifying night throwing up and the only person who knows about it is my boyfriend. It's horrible, just throwing up is painfull enough let alone ending up in hospital. It gives you a terrible headache and gives you a sore throat - at best.

mephistopheles · Post by **mephistopheles** » Sat Jun 03, 2006 8:43 pm

[Redacted]

barnabygirl · Post by **barnabygirl** » Sat Jun 03, 2006 10:03 pm

wow,, i read some of the stories... it was very strong.. i never wanted to OD.. maybe because my mother did it 4 times as i grew up.. and thats how i lost her too in the end...

unfortenatly i understand your feelings too well, about wanting to wake up and wanting to live again,,
i have extream allergy and ,, i have eate things im allergic to ,, so i suppose its sorta the same thing,,
only going to the ER dont have them know its sel inflicted,,
i still get told off though for not being more carefull :-| they tell me i play russian rulet with food ,, :-|.. i dont want to imagine how u guys must have felt like

,,,,

i hope everyoe on bus learns fom your stories

Heart7799 · Post by **Heart7799** » Sun Jun 04, 2006 4:56 am

*i'm trigger warning this right from the beginning*
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ODing used to be the way I dealt with everything.......everything.....when things got out of control i'd just reach for a bottle of pills.......i've never had to go to the hospital but once I was sick for three weeks straight....its not fun and honestly, as bad as I feel tonight I thank my lucky stars that I ran into this topic cause its reaffirming my knowledge that if i reach for that bottle of pills again I haven't learned anything.....suicide is not the way, reaching for a bottle of pills when things get out of control is not the way.......and especially tonight i needed to be reminded of that.

tai-dah67 · Post by **tai-dah67** » Sat Jun 17, 2006 5:52 am

HELLO I'M NEW. This has been one eye opening experince. The time here in the South is 12:20 pm. I wish I had read this earlier. I'm just learning about this sight. Twenty minutes ago I took several pills I'm not sure I should say the name. I have o'd once and did the charcol thing. My family think I'm a drama queen. I'm bi-polar w/ manic episods that I still don't undersand. For me it wasn't that I wanted to die. I just wanted relief for the mental debiltating pain and stress and anxiety that consumes my life every day. I just thought that if i take more and that i'll just get through the inside pain. Now I see that just like my "SI" its just another self destuctive thing. To do to myself. Nobody until I came here understands.That I thank all. Most of all the kind hearted brave person who started this whole pndoras box. Please take care I feel that everyone here is seeking help...It's nice to have somewhere to go when that urge is there. Now i'm convinced that there is help for me... Thank you all I will get someone here now....

T

Smeagol · Post by **Smeagol** » Fri Aug 04, 2006 2:48 am

Bumping, to remind people that an OD isn't necessarily the easy way out one thinks it is.

kkandb · Post by **kkandb** » Sat Aug 05, 2006 6:23 am

I'm glad you brought this thread back up again. It was good to read it, and I'm thankful for all these people who shared their experiences.

I have a question though.. I've never OD'ed but I have done some dumb stuff while I was drunk, like taking random pills and stuff that I shouldn't. I feel dumb asking this, especially with all these intense stories, but how do you know if your liver is damaged? Is that something a doctor tells you, or do you just know that it's happened after an OD?

I really don't know anything about that kind of stuff, so even if you want to scare me and tell me if I ever mix a couple shots of vodka and a couple aspirin tablets again, my liver will fall out of my nose, feel free..

But seriously, I don't want to hurt my liver.. tell me how to keep it safe.. thanks. :)

bus

if you have OD'd i need to talk to you su

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