Moving on from SA? *sa, si trigs*

tips on how to cope: dealing with your feelings, dealing with the consequences of self-harm in your life. share your ideas and maybe pick up some new skills, too. you don't have to want to stop to learn something new here.

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Moving on from SA? *sa, si trigs*

Post by *.*Black_Star*.* » Sun Apr 23, 2006 3:51 pm

ok so yeah i was sexually assualted when i was little and 8 years on and it still effects me, i still see him in my dreams sometimes, and i do actually see him IRL sometimes. im kinda over it now, i mean its not with me all the time, i dont worry about it loads or anything, it doesnt mess up my life 100% of the time or anything, but when i start to get close to other guys, it rears its ugly head and ruins stuff for me because i cant get his face out of my mind when im with the other guy. i dont want it to ruin things, i want to deal with it and move on 9i mean it will never go away completely,but id like to be able to move on from it a bit if you get what i mean?), iv just given up SI 9two weeks free now :) ), and i want to deal with this issue so that if i do see him again or anything then it wont trigger me back into my old cutting way.

i dont think any of that made any sense, but if i didn make sense to anyone and you have any ideas/suggestions/tips on how i can try and move on from this then it would be greatly appreciated! thankyou for reading even if you dont have any ideas, and feel free to PM me if you want any more information or anything.

Thanks
Kayla xx
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Post by falling... » Sun Apr 23, 2006 8:29 pm

do you have a counsellor or someone that you can talk to about it? It will help you to move on and deal with stuff.
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Post by *.*Black_Star*.* » Sun Apr 23, 2006 8:37 pm

No, i dont have a councillor or anything like that. I never told my parents or anyone what had happened, the only people who know are a few close friends and well anyone who reads the stuff i write on BUS, and it took me 7 years to tell anyone so yeah its kinda hard to talk about. I would like to see a councillor or someone like that, i think it would help but i wouldnt want my parents to know at all so its kinda difficult.
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Post by mallie » Mon Apr 24, 2006 4:48 pm

Kayla, your parents don't need to know the details of what you talk about with a counsellor, even if they did know that you were talking to someone.

I don't have any specific suggestions on dealing with the issue when it arises other than being open with your partner. Again, you don't need to go into detail about what happened to you, but just let them know that you have some issues around sex because of your past and may need to take things slowly or that you could get distressed sometimes. It could be hard to say, but if you can't trust them a little, they're probably not someone you want to be intimately involved with anyway.

I vaguely recall a thread or two on PBH about having a healthy sexual relationship after being sexually assaulted which could be worth having a look through too.
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Post by *.*Black_Star*.* » Mon Apr 24, 2006 8:04 pm

Thanks Mallie, i might check that thread out. and yeah ig uess i wouldnt have to tell my parents anything..i dont know right now if id want to go into counselling though, im not sure..i guess im gonna leave it a while and see how things go over the next few months and then relook at the situation and think about it then. thanks anyway
K xx
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Post by Spidey » Mon Apr 24, 2006 8:09 pm

mallie wrote:Kayla, your parents don't need to know the details of what you talk about with a counsellor, even if they did know that you were talking to someone.
in the united states at least, if you tell a counselor or anyone who is in a position of authority that you have been sexually assualted/raped/etc and you are a minor, they are obligated to press charges if they can find that person.
there is, in the end, the letting go.
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Post by *.*Black_Star*.* » Mon Apr 24, 2006 8:12 pm

Luckily i am in the UK so yeah thats good. but i know a guy who had been SAd and stuff and he went to counselling without even telling his parents and the sounsellor didnt do a thing abvout it. then again, he wasnt a minor so maybe thats different. i dunno tho.
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Post by innerpain » Thu Apr 27, 2006 6:05 pm

I know what you mean the dreams or night terrors for me are hard todeal with but as far as advice goes I have none but I ask the same question
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Post by *.*Black_Star*.* » Thu Apr 27, 2006 7:37 pm

its just gonna be something that takes a long time to move on from i think...i dont think it will ever leave me, i dont think i will ever be able to *forget* what happened, and i cant ignore it tiehr, it happened and iv just got to make the most out of a bad situation and get on with my life as best i can....i hope you manage to move on from it aswell innerpain. good luck and if i get any answers i will let you know
K x
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