before/ psychosis and urges

[Chessie]

I deleted my post here last night, but I'm recereating it now.
I'm currently psychotic, worried one of my friends is angry with me because i caught her in the act of lying to me


how will this situation or feeling change if i hurt myself?

My firend will either blow up in anger, or be walking on eggshells for awhile with me. It won't really change psychosis except maybe give me some emotional relief.

what will hurting myself bring to the situation? what will it take away from the situation?

Conflict, upset, worry for others. Relief for me and maybe giving me a distraction from hallucinations for a bit...

how do i want to feel about this in the long run? is hurting myself likely to get me closer to or farther from feeling that way?

I want the psychosis to stop, I don't want J to be madder at me. Meds don't really help when I'm psychotic....I'm not sure, I don't think I'm thinking very clearly at the moment.

if hurting myself seems like my best option right now, how long will the relief it brings last? what will i do then?

It will be momentary. Then I don't know what I'll do. My mom will most likely find out, call my psychiatrist who call my case manager who will have me put back IP and i don't want tog back IP because they'll want to me on thorazine again.

what is something i could do now instead of hurting myself? how will it change the situation i'm in? how long will that change last, and what will i do then?

I don't know what else to do. I've tried coloring, I wat to go for a walk but it looks like it's going to rain...

Only for as long as I'm doing what I've decided to do....and nothing can distract me from psychosis, hallunctinations....and is it really safe to go for a walk when I'm hallucinating?


how will i feel tomorrow if i hurt myself? how will i feel tomorrow if i do the other thing i came up with?

I'll be angry if I si. and if I don't I'll know came through the urges, but that doesn't seem like much of an accomplishment right now because just getting by from day to day is a bigger struggle.


what do i really want to do right now? how can i best honor the self-protective instinct that has me wanting to self-injure right now?

I want to really try to keep myself safe, but I'm really scared right now. I know enough to know I'm not completely lucid. I should probably call my pdoc, but I'm scared to because my family will find out I'm psychotic again and want me IP.

C.

[balletomane]

Hi Chessie.

It sounds like things are really difficult at the moment. Do your hallucinations and psychosis tend to go away on their own (sorry if I'm being ignorant--I don't know much about hallucinations), or do you need to talk to your psychiatrist? It sounds rather scary, so perhaps you should call your doctor.

As for distractions, if coloring helps at all, would playing with play-doh or finger painting help? How about petting an animal? All of those things are repetitive, soothing, tactile activities.

What other things can you do to keep yourself safe and help others help you? Should someone be sitting with you, etc.

I hope you are able to keep safe and get whatever help you need.

I hope this passes soon.

take care.

b

[Chessie]

psychosis will sometimes pass with time, usually needs meds. But I'm hard to medicate. I often end up on meds like thorazine, prolixin, haldol. Things you don't want to take.

But it's starting look like I have no choice.

I have lots of playdoh. And lots of coloring books. I've been sitting with my dog all morning.

My mom isn't up yet, so it's me and my dog. Then i get turned over to my dad for a few hours for lunch and to maybe go do something to get me out of the house.

Just to know someone is available should I need someone would be nice.

Need to feed the dog and try to stay busy. I see pdoc tomorrow.

C.

[balletomane]

Hi Chessie.

I hope the pdoc appointment goes well.