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hierophant50 · Post by **hierophant50** » Sun Apr 23, 2006 1:13 am

how will this situation or feeling change if i hurt myself?
The situation won't change immediately - it will get progressively worse once I reintroduce myself to this 'cycle'

what will hurting myself bring to the situation? what will it take away from the situation?
It will bring a way for me to release some anxiety and tension. I just feel really irritable and I'm sure why. It will take away my sense of being able to cope with these situations in other ways.

how do i want to feel about this in the long run? is hurting myself likely to get me closer to or farther from feeling that way?
I'm not sure

if hurting myself seems like my best option right now, how long will the relief it brings last? what will i do then?
It won't last long - but it's enough. Maybe it will give me the release I need so that I can move on. But then again maybe it will just start me off doing this again.

what is something i could do now instead of hurting myself? how will it change the situation i'm in? how long will that change last, and what will i do then?
I'm not sure - I've been thinking about this for a while as a better option. I could go for a walk or something - but then again I have already tried that, and reading, and doing a puzzle....

how will i feel tomorrow if i hurt myself? how will i feel tomorrow if i do the other thing i came up with?
I will feel sore and conscious of it - I will worry about how to cover it up so that when I go to work I don't get any questions.
I will feel better if I do the other thing - but then I'm not sure what will happen to the tension that I'm feeling now - as it is still there after I have tried these alternate methods.

what do i really want to do right now? how can i best honor the self-protective instinct that has me wanting to self-injure right now?
I want to cut myself

Why do I feel I need to hurt myself? What has brought me to this point?
I don't have anyone to talk to about this. I have good friends but I don't want to talk about this again with them/her.

Have I been here before? What did I do to deal with it? How did I feel then?
I've been doing this on and off for 5 years now. I haven't done it for a few months, and a few months ago was the first time for a long while.

What I have done to ease this discomfort so far? What else can I do that won't hurt me?
Been out walking, read a book, did a puzzle, made sure I have had my own space - trying to take my mind off it.

How do I feel right now?
Lost - like I know that I shouldn't do it, but then I can't stop thinking about it.

balletomane · Post by **balletomane** » Sun Apr 23, 2006 6:16 am

Hi. I'm sorry things are tough at the moment. Have you looked at the coping forum? One of the stickies is a massive list of distractions.

Do you have any idea what is causing the tension? If dealing with the tension directly hasn't been so effective, perhaps dealing with the situation causing it might give you some relief.

hierophant50 · Post by **hierophant50** » Sun Apr 23, 2006 9:50 am

Thanks for the reply. I will take a look at the 'distractions'. I've been thinking about some causes for why I feel like I do. Not sure if I should post these here or somewhere else:

I have a lot going at the moment. I'm the type of person that sets high standards for myself/my life - but things don't seem to be panning out the way I would like.

I'm 21 and am working hard to get my career going places - my boss has just left (I had an awesome relationship with her) and now I want her job. I will apply for it but am not sure whether I will get it or not. I get the feeling that they are looking for someone with more experience.

One of the long standing issues has been my parents. They fight a lot - they have been seperated for 5 years (however they act like they are not really seperated - gets really confusing).

I am usually really busy but lately I have been a bit quieter and find I think about things more. I don't get much 'me' time.

balletomane · Post by **balletomane** » Sun Apr 23, 2006 4:32 pm

All of those things sound extremely stressful. I hope you are able to find more time for yourself.

Do you have a good support system?

hierophant50 · Post by **hierophant50** » Sun Apr 23, 2006 8:46 pm

A support system being.......?

I don't have anyone I can talk to if that's what you mean. I have friends and previously I could talk to one or two of them, but now I don't feel like I can. I mean it's 5 years since it al began and my friends move on. They still my friends but not on the same level as they were with all my personal stuff.

I go to a counsellor through my workplace assistance programme. It's confidential but you get only 3 sessions. We are working on putting in boundaries to reduce 'stress'. I only see her like once a month and I have one more session left. She doesn't know that I feel like this.

Apart from that there is noone

balletomane · Post by **balletomane** » Sun Apr 23, 2006 10:14 pm

Do you think having people to talk to about this would be helpful? Perhaps a counselor whom you can see on a more sustained basis?

hierophant50 · Post by **hierophant50** » Sun Apr 23, 2006 10:31 pm

I guess it would. I'm a bit nervous about the prospect of seeing a counsellor about all this.....again.

I had a counsellor at school and it was very hard for me to open up about all my issues. Then she left and I got a new counsellor who was good. But it was hard having to start over again and build a relationship and explain my issues from the beginning again. I often felt like I was wasting everyones time and that I shouldn't have any of these problems.

I'm just afraid of having to start all over again. But then maybe I should give it another go...

Thanks

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