Before
•how will this situation or feeling change if i hurt myself?
what situation ...well bug pictures situation dramatically this is my 3rd week before having 7 months si free so it will change dramatically the negative emotions would be there after a few mins or hours.
•what will hurting myself bring to the situation? what will it take away from the situation?
hurting myself now will bring an end to my "sucess" (if you wanna call it that) now before it is to late or to the point where it will be devastating if i hurt my self. it will take the success away from me.
•how do i want to feel about this in the long run? is hurting myself likely to get me closer to or farther from feeling that way?
I want to feel satisfied with my life in the long run. if i hurt myself now i don't thinlk it will affect my satisfiying life because i don't see my satisfying life happening until i am in my late 20's i am in mid teens now. i might get me farther away from my goal.
•if hurting myself seems like my best option right now, how long will the relief it brings last? what will i do then?
the relief will probably last anywhere from mins to hours depending if a go to sleep afterwards. after the relief wears off i will probably write somthing to show my T so that it explains what is going on. and if i feel really guilty and ashamed mabey ill hurt myself again it will turn into a vicious cycle.
•what is something i could do now instead of hurting myself? how will it change the situation i'm in? how long will that change last, and what will i do then?
I could go to sleep. well i am not in any peticular situation right now nothing really happened it just seems like an okay idea.
•how will i feel tomorrow if i hurt myself? how will i feel tomorrow if i do the other thing i came up with?
if i hurt myself i will probably feel like shit tomorrow if i sleep i will feel rested
•what do i really want to do right now? how can i best honor the self-protective instinct that has me wanting to self-injure right now?
waht i really want to do right no is give up on my sucess and go back to the old comfortable ways. i dont really understand the next question.
•Why do I feel I need to hurt myself? What has brought me to this point?
well there is a lot of ongoing stuff going on ion my head right no.....abandonment from mom.............how much i have changed scince i have lived here.............homework and another issue with teens my age accusing a new older friend of being a perv (totally not true)
•Have I been here before? What did I do to deal with it? How did I feel then?
not in this exact situation i have felt abandoned by my mo for that past 3 or 4 months before i think i just didn't realize that that was the feeling that i was feeling.......before when i was living with my mom i just cut now i cant so i have cried or locked it in myself.
•What I have done to ease this discomfort so far? What else can I do that won't hurt me?
I have not done anything really except write here. i can talk to my aunt or i can sleep
•How do I feel right now?
I feel like cutting right now. i have cramps and i am a bit mad i don't know why tho i think it has to do with the fact that right no i can't cut
•How will I feel when I am hurting myself?
tense then relieved
•How will I feel after hurting myself? How will I feel tomorrow morning?
after hurting myself relieved and hopefully tierd tomorrow morning probaly shity.
•Can I avoid this stressor, or deal with it better in the future?
i cant avoid the mother abandonment thing i could cry ( a very hard thing for me to do)
•Do I need to hurt myself?
does anyone really need to hurt themselves i personally dont think so now but i used to anyways no i don't feel the need just the desire.
there i filled the whole damn thing out !!!
--------WhiteChocolate
My 1st Before
Moderator: treasure
Hi WhiteChocolate,
Question for you. You talk a lot about your success or failure in terms of a self-injury free record, but why have you stopped? Maybe if you think about "taking away from the situation" in terms of taking away those postive reasons then that will help. E.g., if you stopped because you feel actually you're less in control when you si because you're just responding, then si-ing will mean you're less in control, rather than just breaking a record. (Go you on your si free time though!) I guess I'm trying to get you to think about why this matters to you, not just in terms of success or failure, but why either success in this regard matters to you.
What do you think would make you feel satisfied with life? Why do you not think you will be satisfied with life for another decade? What is your goal? Sorry, I don't quite understand what you're saying.
I understand feeling that life situation is intolerable now and it can feel like "well, I'm miserable so it doesn't matter if I hurt myself now because my situation is intolerable", but maybe if you can think about the features of the situation that make it dissatisfying (e.g. no control because parents/school boss around) then you can think about how si affects that. I don't know if I've explained what I mean very well. Sorry.
Could you write something to show your T now rather than waiting unti lyou've hurt yourself?
Why does it seem like an okay idea? Do you know why you want to? For example, you might be feeling twitchy for some reason and think si would calm you down, but not be able to pinpoint why you're feeling twitchy. This is what the questions about "self-protective instinct" is about. The idea is that when you want to self-injure you're doing it for a reason, to provide emotional relief of some sort. If you can pinpoint what type of relief it would provide, then you might find it easier to find a healthier mechanism to achieve that goal. For example, with my twitchy example, once you realised you were twitchy then maybe you could take a long bath or listen to relaxing music and that would calm you down. Deb talks about this in the following post: http://buslist.org/phpBB/viewtopic.php?t=16507
Hope this is some help. Do tell me if I'm wrong or unclear anywhere.
Good luck. Take care.
Question for you. You talk a lot about your success or failure in terms of a self-injury free record, but why have you stopped? Maybe if you think about "taking away from the situation" in terms of taking away those postive reasons then that will help. E.g., if you stopped because you feel actually you're less in control when you si because you're just responding, then si-ing will mean you're less in control, rather than just breaking a record. (Go you on your si free time though!) I guess I'm trying to get you to think about why this matters to you, not just in terms of success or failure, but why either success in this regard matters to you.
What do you think would make you feel satisfied with life? Why do you not think you will be satisfied with life for another decade? What is your goal? Sorry, I don't quite understand what you're saying.
I understand feeling that life situation is intolerable now and it can feel like "well, I'm miserable so it doesn't matter if I hurt myself now because my situation is intolerable", but maybe if you can think about the features of the situation that make it dissatisfying (e.g. no control because parents/school boss around) then you can think about how si affects that. I don't know if I've explained what I mean very well. Sorry.Could you write something to show your T now rather than waiting unti lyou've hurt yourself?
Why does it seem like an okay idea? Do you know why you want to? For example, you might be feeling twitchy for some reason and think si would calm you down, but not be able to pinpoint why you're feeling twitchy. This is what the questions about "self-protective instinct" is about. The idea is that when you want to self-injure you're doing it for a reason, to provide emotional relief of some sort. If you can pinpoint what type of relief it would provide, then you might find it easier to find a healthier mechanism to achieve that goal. For example, with my twitchy example, once you realised you were twitchy then maybe you could take a long bath or listen to relaxing music and that would calm you down. Deb talks about this in the following post: http://buslist.org/phpBB/viewtopic.php?t=16507
Hope this is some help. Do tell me if I'm wrong or unclear anywhere.
Good luck. Take care.-
WhiteChocolate
- settling in
- Posts: 101
- Joined: Sat Feb 11, 2006 6:19 am
Smeagol wrote:Hi WhiteChocolate,
Question for you. You talk a lot about your success or failure in terms of a self-injury free record, but why have you stopped?
don't quite understand the question. I talk alot about failures because i am a negative thinker. I have not hurt myself yet i am just really questioning it right now. I have stopped talking about so much of my sucess because i am on the edge of failing. hope that answered your question. (light bulb) do you mean why have I stopped SIing well i have come to the conclusion today that i have stopped out of fear. My aunt who i am living with has said that if a start hurting myself again on a continuel basis she will send me to a rehab center. I am afraid that she will send me away. I came to live with my aunt (far away from my other home) about 7 months ago and i still get frightened when we get into arguments or when she is mad at me becasue i fear that she will send me back to wear i came from. anyway so i have stopped SIing because i am afraid.
Maybe if you think about "taking away from the situation" in terms of taking away those postive reasons then that will help. E.g., if you stopped because you feel actually you're less in control when you si because you're just responding, then si-ing will mean you're less in control, rather than just breaking a record. (Go you on your si free time though!) I guess I'm trying to get you to think about why this matters to you, not just in terms of success or failure, but why either success in this regard matters to you.
I don't know why my sucess matters to me. I never have felt really truly proud of my record i just hope that my aunt feels proud of it.
What do you think would make you feel satisfied with life? Why do you not think you will be satisfied with life for another decade? What is your goal?
well my T and i have been making a plan thingy. it is just like imagining what your life will look like if you are leading a satisfiing life. to live my satisfing life i want a husband a job at seaworld training Orcas and i want to be out of collage all thing that i will be done with by the time i am in my 20's
Sorry, I don't quite understand what you're saying.
Could you write something to show your T now rather than waiting unti lyou've hurt yourself?
yes but what would i write. like i could show him the before questions. and the after questions if i ever have to fill them out. i could also just writte out what i am thinking and feeling.
Why does it seem like an okay idea? Do you know why you want to?
I don't really know why it seemed like an okaty idea. I read in a book once " It is vitally important that you decide when you are ready to end this behavior. If your not ready to give up SIV don't. If you try when you aren't really ready or don't really want to, you are only setting yourself up to fail" I wrote this quote down on a sheet of paper and then i wrote...." I don't think i am ready. i think i think that becasue i don't want to stop. I still want to hurt myself but i now know that i don't need to. I have stopped cutting because of other peoples pressuer. If i hurt myself on a continuuel basis auntie said that she would send me to a rehab center. i have stopped because i am afraid that she will send me away. I almost feel like i am being controlled by this fear that Auntie has presented." the feeling of being controlled is a mojor trigger for me although i have been able to handle it this far. to show that no one can controll me in the past i have SIed. i plan to show the stuff in qoutes to my T on monday.
For example, you might be feeling twitchy for some reason and think si would calm you down, but not be able to pinpoint why you're feeling twitchy. This is what the questions about "self-protective instinct" is about. The idea is that when you want to self-injure you're doing it for a reason, to provide emotional relief of some sort. If you can pinpoint what type of relief it would provide, then you might find it easier to find a healthier mechanism to achieve that goal. For example, with my twitchy example, once you realised you were twitchy then maybe you could take a long bath or listen to relaxing music and that would calm you down. Deb talks about this in the following post: http://buslist.org/phpBB/viewtopic.php?t=16507
Hope this is some help. Do tell me if I'm wrong or unclear anywhere.
thanx for your reply. and i think i have corrected any errors and i have answered all thequestions that i could.
i just previewed this and the bold writting in the qotws is mine for anyone else that is reading.
------------------WhiteChocolate
Hi WhiteChocolate,
So you've stopped si-ing from fear, rather than because you feel you're ready, yes? Just want to make sure I've understood you properly.
That's a tough one. I know of people who have stopped for others, but it's often easier if you have a positive motivation. Could you try to come up with some advantages to stopping, e.g. not having to worry about scars? It might be easier to get through urges if you have a positive reason for doing so because it'll be something you really want to do, rather than something you're forced to.
With regard to your satisfied thing, I notice that you've picked on really external factors. Could you identify what it is about having a job, a husband etc that would make you feel satisfied? E.g. do you feel that then you'd feel loved, you'd have more esteem, you'd have more say in your life? Just throwing out ideas here, feel free to ignore.
Reason I ask is that with external things your happiness depends on them, but they can be taken away. Also you get stuck waiting for them to be achieved. Maybe if you knew why they would make you happier, you could do things now which would have a similar effect, like writing positives to boost your esteem, etc.
Writing down your thoughts or showing your T what you wrote here sounds like a really good idea. This isn't a term paper, you don't have to provide a fully proofread coherent discursion on how you feel. I'm guessing it would be a starting point for discussion between you and your t, so anything will help.
I read that you slipped. I'm sorry about that and I hope you feel better soon. Hang in there.
So you've stopped si-ing from fear, rather than because you feel you're ready, yes? Just want to make sure I've understood you properly.
That's a tough one. I know of people who have stopped for others, but it's often easier if you have a positive motivation. Could you try to come up with some advantages to stopping, e.g. not having to worry about scars? It might be easier to get through urges if you have a positive reason for doing so because it'll be something you really want to do, rather than something you're forced to.
With regard to your satisfied thing, I notice that you've picked on really external factors. Could you identify what it is about having a job, a husband etc that would make you feel satisfied? E.g. do you feel that then you'd feel loved, you'd have more esteem, you'd have more say in your life? Just throwing out ideas here, feel free to ignore.
Reason I ask is that with external things your happiness depends on them, but they can be taken away. Also you get stuck waiting for them to be achieved. Maybe if you knew why they would make you happier, you could do things now which would have a similar effect, like writing positives to boost your esteem, etc.
Writing down your thoughts or showing your T what you wrote here sounds like a really good idea.
This isn't a term paper, you don't have to provide a fully proofread coherent discursion on how you feel. I'm guessing it would be a starting point for discussion between you and your t, so anything will help. I read that you slipped. I'm sorry about that and I hope you feel better soon. Hang in there.
-
WhiteChocolate
- settling in
- Posts: 101
- Joined: Sat Feb 11, 2006 6:19 am
Hi WhiteChocolate,
hey
So you've stopped si-ing from fear, rather than because you feel you're ready, yes? Just want to make sure I've understood you properly.
yea you understood properly but now that i am thinking about it more and now that i have made a list of thing i would benifit from if i stop Siing but i have stopped i stopped almost 8 months ago i just slipped i feel anger about that for some reason i don't know why. anyways i made a list and now that i know how i will benifit from it i feel like i want to stop for me but i don't know if i can stop for me like will i say im not worth it and resort back to stopping out of fear.
That's a tough one. I know of people who have stopped for others, but it's often easier if you have a positive motivation. Could you try to come up with some advantages to stopping, e.g. not having to worry about scars? It might be easier to get through urges if you have a positive reason for doing so because it'll be something you really want to do, rather than something you're forced to.
yea i put my list in an acsesible place so that if i am having an urge i can go and read it if i feel up to it.
With regard to your satisfied thing, I notice that you've picked on really external factors. Could you identify what it is about having a job, a husband etc that would make you feel satisfied? E.g. do you feel that then you'd feel loved, you'd have more esteem, you'd have more say in your life? Just throwing out ideas here, feel free to ignore.
job - security indipendance money
husband - love respect kindness some one that is there for me some one just to snuggle with.
kids-something to love other than husband something to take care of
pets- something that i can't get mad at "so what if it pooped on the floor it was my fault for not letting it out the dog did nothing wrong" see ca't be mad at a dog lol
Reason I ask is that with external things your happiness depends on them, but they can be taken away. Also you get stuck waiting for them to be achieved. Maybe if you knew why they would make you happier, you could do things now which would have a similar effect, like writing positives to boost your esteem, etc.
i'll come up with a list of things that i can do now that will give me the same results.
Writing down your thoughts or showing your T what you wrote here sounds like a really good idea. This isn't a term paper, you don't have to provide a fully proofread coherent discursion on how you feel. I'm guessing it would be a starting point for discussion between you and your t, so anything will help.
yea he listens a lot it nice and he likes to read my stuff poetry journal (i let him read it) letters to auntie ect.
I read that you slipped. I'm sorry about that and I hope you feel better soon. Hang in there.
yea i am feeling better now its been about a week thanks
-----WhiteChocolate
hey
So you've stopped si-ing from fear, rather than because you feel you're ready, yes? Just want to make sure I've understood you properly.
yea you understood properly but now that i am thinking about it more and now that i have made a list of thing i would benifit from if i stop Siing but i have stopped i stopped almost 8 months ago i just slipped i feel anger about that for some reason i don't know why. anyways i made a list and now that i know how i will benifit from it i feel like i want to stop for me but i don't know if i can stop for me like will i say im not worth it and resort back to stopping out of fear.
That's a tough one. I know of people who have stopped for others, but it's often easier if you have a positive motivation. Could you try to come up with some advantages to stopping, e.g. not having to worry about scars? It might be easier to get through urges if you have a positive reason for doing so because it'll be something you really want to do, rather than something you're forced to.
yea i put my list in an acsesible place so that if i am having an urge i can go and read it if i feel up to it.
With regard to your satisfied thing, I notice that you've picked on really external factors. Could you identify what it is about having a job, a husband etc that would make you feel satisfied? E.g. do you feel that then you'd feel loved, you'd have more esteem, you'd have more say in your life? Just throwing out ideas here, feel free to ignore.
job - security indipendance money
husband - love respect kindness some one that is there for me some one just to snuggle with.
kids-something to love other than husband something to take care of
pets- something that i can't get mad at "so what if it pooped on the floor it was my fault for not letting it out the dog did nothing wrong" see ca't be mad at a dog lol
Reason I ask is that with external things your happiness depends on them, but they can be taken away. Also you get stuck waiting for them to be achieved. Maybe if you knew why they would make you happier, you could do things now which would have a similar effect, like writing positives to boost your esteem, etc.
i'll come up with a list of things that i can do now that will give me the same results.
Writing down your thoughts or showing your T what you wrote here sounds like a really good idea. This isn't a term paper, you don't have to provide a fully proofread coherent discursion on how you feel. I'm guessing it would be a starting point for discussion between you and your t, so anything will help.
yea he listens a lot it nice and he likes to read my stuff poetry journal (i let him read it) letters to auntie ect.
I read that you slipped. I'm sorry about that and I hope you feel better soon. Hang in there.
yea i am feeling better now its been about a week thanks
-----WhiteChocolate
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