Bitch Fest / Things Left Unsaid II *LA*

Post by **Spidey** » Wed Mar 29, 2006 10:30 pm

why do you resent me
why do i not exist to you

why

Scatterbrain · Post by **Scatterbrain** » Thu Mar 30, 2006 3:42 am

Cant you all leave me the fuck alone??? Do you not even think that I may sit by myself for a reason or that life is not all suny adn happy all the time? Is that idea so hard to get through you goddamn thick skulls? What do I have to do to get you to see that I am more complex than the rest of you. I cant just talk about sex, or hang out and kid around about suicide or self injury. Does it ever cross you mind that the reason I freak out or get really quiet when cutting is mentioned is that I may have some experience with it?

S~ You are an awesome person and I really love you. When you talk about my church would it really be that hard to keep the disdain out of your voice just a little bit? I think that is the least you could do considering you dont even know my story. Will you shut the hell up and stop pretending that you understand me. You dont, never will and there is no way in hell you could if you tried.

L~ You and your goddamn guys. I know you are insecure about your weight, your looks, the fact you have never had a boyfriend and other things I dont know about. Just stop. Either lose weight or SHUT THE HELL UP ABOUT HOW FAT YOU ARE!!! I dont want to hear it. Also, quit pretending that you understand me. You dont and you could never grasp my real life, b/c you have no understanding of depression of cutting.

K~ Can we please go beneath superficial stuff? Thats all we ever talk about. The fact that you mentioed your anti-anxiety pills today is a step in the right direction. Please try to grasp the fact that I might have a reason for becoming Catholic. Also, I might understand you better then you think. I want you to see that you can depend on me and that I want to know more about you and possibly tell you more about me.

I am in a really bad place right now, so can you all STOP GIVING ME SHIT ABOUT EVERY LITTLE GODDAMN THING THAT HAPPENS?? IS IT REALLY THAT HARD TO SHUT THE HELL UP?

Eccie · Post by **Eccie** » Thu Mar 30, 2006 3:58 am

Mom: I feel like I have to hide things from you, because I know I'll hate your reaction if I don't and that's why I can't tell you that I never really stopped. I hope someday you'll understand and I can roll up my sleeves again.

Old hall crowd: I love all of you so much, I wish I could tell you how much your friendship means to me and how sorry I will be when I move away.

R, E, T, B: I wish we could be better friends than we are, I'm sorry if it's awkward because of M. I miss some of you and I still don't know some of you very well at all, but I wish I did.

slinky · Post by **slinky** » Fri Mar 31, 2006 10:43 am

S- I'm sorry you don't understand

L- Its her place too. Why are you being unfair?

M- You'll never know, but it was fun and we were happy.

~starblaze~ · Post by **~starblaze~** » Fri Mar 31, 2006 12:43 pm

Megs - i miss you and i wrote you an email this morning, i would appreciate a reply because i need an answer once and for all. Do you want to talk to me still or shall we just forget our friendship completely. And if you want that, then what the hell did i do so wrong to you to make you want to walk away from me?

collide · Post by **collide** » Fri Mar 31, 2006 6:56 pm

I was so PISSED at myself yesterday...yeah i bought this new portable easel that mainly is a desk top thing, and has compartments...it's been sitting on my table for more than a month because i was painting (finished this 3 weeks ago)...a painting...then yesterday i tried to close it up and FUCK i almost broke it...well i can't really explain..but one of the screws came out cuz i didn't loosen it that well...anyways i was able to fix it...get the screw back in... but man i was so PISSED OFF AT MYSELF

http://buslist.org/phpBB/viewtopic.php?t=89417 (my POETRY)
http://buslist.org/phpBB/viewtopic.php? ... &start=420 (my PLACE)

collide

*.*Black_Star*.* · Post by ***.*Black_Star*.*** » Fri Mar 31, 2006 7:31 pm

im fucking pissed off, my retard of a science teacher has told me today that i am failing cos i got an E in my coursework which is HIS FAULT cos iv been off school ill loads recently and he hasnt turned up to ANY of the organised revision sessions to help me and now im screwed. stupid fucker had to ask my name today aswell, wat a twat, hes been teaching me for 7 months and doesnt even know my name!!!! fucking teachers. thankgod its half term. Also pissed off because im sick of being ignored, IM NOT FUCKING INVISIBLE!!!! ok rant over......

pointeless · Post by **pointeless** » Fri Mar 31, 2006 10:42 pm

VERY irritated by getting yet another cold, feeling fat,blah the audition - there so not going to take me, rant rant rantness, etc etc

LBC · Post by **LBC** » Sun Apr 02, 2006 6:02 am

I love you.

Scatterbrain · Post by **Scatterbrain** » Tue Apr 04, 2006 12:48 am

Sarah~
I dont know if I can still be frineds with you. If you could stop talking about my church and stuff with so much disdain, it might work. But everyime I talk to you I feel myself tensing up and getting ready to defend eveything I say. I love God, He is my savior and always will be. Anything you say is not going to change that, so can you SHUT THE HELL UP. I have changed a lot and you are the same short, bitchy, bitter, angry, entitled, spiteful person that you have been as long as I have known you. I used to love you b/c you were awesome, but now I cant stand being around you. I feel so unworthy and crappy when I am with you, and it is not good for me. I know our conversations and/or your comments contribute to my triggers and when I feel bad about myself. I will pray for you and about what I should do about our friendship. I will always love you, but I dont think I can be around you anymore. God Bless!!
R~
I loved cuddling with you on the bus ride back. Please call me b/c I would love to go to a movie with you or something. You are one of the nicest guys I have ever met, your Catholic, and even though you arent the smartest person in the world, I can over look it. I feel alive when I am with you and the best part is that you know about my SI and still want to date me.
Liz~
You have kind of been on my shit list for a while, but after that letter, you are awesome. I love you. Thanks for all that you have done for me and for sticking by me. We may have our disagrements, but I think we are bigger than that. Thank you soo much.
My palancas~
Thank you all. I dont think I have ever cried that much at one time. It was amazing to read what you all wrote and to see that you all love me sooo much. I love all of you too, but I just have trouble expressing it.
The retreat team~
Thanks for letting me be on the team. I know I dont have much experience at that, but it was jsut what I wanted. I dont know how it is going to be having my Sundays back... i love you all and thank you for excepting me even with all of my flaws.
Lea~
That story was amazing. I really felt connected with you after it. Thank you for all the support you have shown me, even though I doubt you realize it. I love you. I still remember the question you asked during my SI talk in February. Thank you!
St. Andrew youth group~
I love all of you because you accepted me with all of my flaws. You listened to my SI talk and still wanted to be my friend. I love all of you and will remember you always. God Bless!!

silvertears · Post by **silvertears** » Tue Apr 04, 2006 4:03 am

Gena- !st off you perganet Hore... I really Hope you enjoyed you night off the other night an dsince you think its oh so funny to leave me with a double working 60 hours this week. I am now after you job. You messed with the boss you stupide bitch how fucking dumb are you. One way or another you get it. You are going to be a worthless piece of shirt mother. good luck graduting collage!!

Dawn- How could you..... put yourself in my place...... Its personal.

Percilla- Quit fucking with me!!! I'll take all the ABC shit and truly shuve it up you tiny ass!!

MOM- just quit haressing me about things. QUIT putting me down. Quit being negative,

Jessie- call me.... I LOVE YOU>> I MISS YOU

~starblaze~ · Post by **~starblaze~** » Tue Apr 04, 2006 10:40 am

thank you for your PM this morning and for making me smile, it was really nice of you to PM me saying that giving you your swap partner made your day

shadowavenger · Post by **shadowavenger** » Fri Apr 07, 2006 2:26 am

Mum - I'm sorry, it's not funny. I won't try to motivate you by putting you down anymore. I will respect you as a person in your own right, I won't try to live through you. I <i>honestly</i> don't care what your grades are, they don't make you any less of a person. I am getting a divorce. I will never hit R again.

Dad - I'm leaving, goodbye.

R - I won't guilt you into doing anything again because that is wrong.

B - I'm sorry I yell at you about that. It's because I'm scared and I don't want you to be like my dad. I understand that you're not and I won't make you feel more guilty than you already do.

E - I won't make any more promises I can't keep. When I say I'm there for you, I will mean it and I won't tell you that Jesus is the answer.

J - hi, how are you?

K - I'm going to counselling, I'm getting help

A - It doesn't matter to me, I still love you

Anyone at school - "James"

(I pray for the day when I will hear that name from everyone)

Forget Me · Post by **Forget Me** » Sat Apr 08, 2006 10:11 am

zac - i love your name. lol. i like being with you. i like that its exactly how i imagined it would be. i like that it fits my idea of a new relationship perfectly. i REALLY like you.

bexy · Post by **bexy** » Sat Apr 08, 2006 7:45 pm

I don't really want this. I just don't know what else to do. But I'm scared and I don't want to go. I only agreed because I needed somebody else to make decisions for me just once. And I can't talk about it because i'm still fighting with the person who's supposed to be helping me and everyone else thinks it'll be good. No ones asked if i think it'll be good for me.

~starblaze~ · Post by **~starblaze~** » Sun Apr 09, 2006 10:17 am

shit judy, anything could have happened last night, it already sounds like quite a lot did and that you did some pretty stupid things but do you not realise he could have done a lot more than that to you when you were completely out of it?!! This guy was taking advantage of you, from what your telling me it sounds like you didnt want to go as far with him as you did, but if charlie or robyn hadnt come in when they did, do you not see it could have been a hell of a lot worse? Im seriously worried about when you get drunk. Everytime you go to a party, something happens that you dont have control over. This time it just went to a whole new level.

bexy · Post by **bexy** » Sun Apr 09, 2006 2:57 pm

when we were fighting over the remote control yesterday you grabbed my wrist and just for a second it wasn't funny anymore because i couldnt help remembering before and being scared. i think i'll always be a little scared of you

whypie · Post by **whypie** » Mon Apr 10, 2006 5:35 pm

'Just tell me everything, I want to know, and I care.'

(And not online.)

Eccie · Post by **Eccie** » Tue Apr 11, 2006 12:49 pm

R- I just want to be friends with you, but you're so hard to get close to. M won't mind, he's not going to get jelous. He knows I love him I just desperately need some people who are just friends. Why are you afraid of me?

M- I love you so much, but you don't understand. I fight with this every night. How can I make understand...fuck...it's exhausting me...

MOM- Shut the fuck up and leave me alone. I don't care about your stupid car I was helping a friend. I don't care about your stupid finger you can do your own goddam first aid. Aren't you the least bit curious how I know all of that?? Can't you even be proud of me for one fucking moment for all the fucking things I've accomplished? Why is it always the dangers and the stupid fucking requirements. When I get the fuck out of here I'm not telling you about anything I do. Bitch.

Ec

~bluehaze~ · Post by **~bluehaze~** » Fri Apr 14, 2006 8:29 pm

L - you hurt me alot and I don't think you realise how much at times.

bus

Bitch Fest / Things Left Unsaid II LA

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