Secrets(inspired by PostSecret)-Please Stay Safe!

*.*Black_Star*.* · Post by ***.*Black_Star*.*** » Mon Apr 03, 2006 12:45 pm

- I think im developing an ED
- I made my best friend hate me and that hurts me more than any SI could

kcat · Post by **kcat** » Mon Apr 03, 2006 7:54 pm

I'm an addict

I cheated on the only person I ever truly loved

ioa · Post by **ioa** » Tue Apr 04, 2006 1:23 am

I masturbate too much.

PlaneCrazyYentl · Post by **PlaneCrazyYentl** » Tue Apr 04, 2006 5:44 am

- I have stolen small items from friends since I was very young. I believe if I still have something of someone, then they are safe and we are connected. And if they die, the object I have keeps them alive for me. I think this is some problem with never having fully developed "object permanence". I have trouble believing people and things still exist when they are out of sight.

- There is not one place on my entire body where I haven't tried to SI before. Inside or out.

- I love food, but hate eating. Food=sex and eating=rape...

- I am terrified of the dark and I still sleep with a stuffed animal.

- People sometimes wonder about my Spider-Man obsession. Spider-Man was my imaginary protector when I was 3 and older. Spider-Man, Casper the Friendly Ghost, and Fievel Mouskawitz kept me sane and "safe" when I was little. I always feel safer with Spidey nearby.

- My only reason to recover from my ED is that I enjoy donating blood.

- I still feel like everything was my fault.

- I steal books from religious places... (Hymnals, bibles, siddurs, missals, etc.) I am not sure why I do this. I do know it's an OC.

- My last super serious SU attempt was planned for 9/11/01. A friend found out somehow and I was hospitalized on 9/9. When the towers were hit, I immediately assumed it was my fault and if I had gone through with my attempt, 9/11 would not have happened.

- I worry I am turning more and more into my father each day.

- I'm scared that if I ever have kids, I'll hurt them.

- My body got so used to being abused, that I actually crave it sometimes.

- I used to lie about stuff that happened to me in my past, because I never believed that what actually happened was "bad enough". I found out later that was called "minimizing".

- I wet the bed until I was 16.

- I am so cut off from some of my memories that I am often completely clueless about sex and drugs.

- I had never masturbated until this year.

- I didn't know that I was allowed to choose for myself until this year. I finally went and picked out my own clothes to purchase just this past October.

- I learned this past summer that sex is supposed to please both people. I thought it was my responsibility to please the other person. I had no idea that I was supposed to be getting something out of it.

- I have wished for cancer before. (I used to wish for diabetes and then I was diagnosed on 9/10/93)

PM, if you want... (I'll probably do more later.)

flipflopfetish · Post by **flipflopfetish** » Wed Apr 05, 2006 5:58 am

-I am really insecure and have low self-esteem, but when I see people like that (irl or on tv) I always hate them. which makes it so much more difficult to understand why anyone would like me, because I am the people I (and they) hate.
I've always told myself that if people reassured me that they liked me more, I would feel more liked but I realized this isn't true (even though it does make me happy when people say they like me) because I always assume they are lying to not hurt my feelings like I lie to this one girl in my school.

-Whenever I post things like this, I feel like I am begging for attention

PMs fine

plantt · Post by **plantt** » Wed Apr 05, 2006 6:07 am

but when I see people like that (irl or on tv) I always hate them. which makes it so much more difficult to understand why anyone would like me,
--does it help you understand why those individuals would act that way? how would you treat someone like that?

flipflopfetish · Post by **flipflopfetish** » Wed Apr 05, 2006 6:18 am

i would probably try to be nice to them anyways even though that is not what i would want done to me.
but i can't assume everyone would be like me, and i know some people would rather be lied to than rejected.

plantt · Post by **plantt** » Wed Apr 05, 2006 6:33 am

i can't assume everyone would be like me, and i know some people would rather be lied to than rejected
--*nods* this is true. not everyone is like ourself. yet also.. i'm thinking there are midpoints between 'lied to' & 'rejected'

eg. being nice to them. maybe even attempting to engage them in conversation. treat them as a person.

no one's perfect. yet people can & do change... those with low self-esteem can learn how to change that.
people can like them regardless. even without lying.

shadowavenger · Post by **shadowavenger** » Thu Apr 06, 2006 1:56 am

I want to be a ballerina.
I want to be a gymnast.
I want to be a cheerleader.
I am insanely jealous of my friends who have done these things. I sometimes wonder if I was a ballerina and thin and pretty if I would still want to transition.

_MessedUp_ · Post by **_MessedUp_** » Thu Apr 06, 2006 4:56 am

I don't want to stop SI, if i do i believe i will lose control of my life

i plan on starving myself over summer cos i yearn to be thin

Aly · Post by **Aly** » Fri Apr 07, 2006 12:33 pm

I still love T and wish I was with him and not O

I wish I could be thin - but I dont have the will power to stop eating - it makes me feel so worthless....

Silver_Kitsune · Post by **Silver_Kitsune** » Fri Apr 07, 2006 6:56 pm

-I have a hard time trusting people
-I keep a very strict schedule for myself - I wake up at 5 am and sleep at 1 am
-I have a fear of food, I'm always embarassed to eat
-Most of my dreams are just nightmares about my past
-I can't remember a majority of my past, I only remember small pieces
-My first memory is of a birthday cake
-It's easy for me to think of out of the box meathods, whether it be for school, or pulling pranks on April Fool's
-I sometimes steal things but I have never stole anything that cost more than $20
-I can read Japanese faster than English, although English is my mother language
-I know four languages that I can communicate in: Japanese, English, Spanish and Russian
-I never had a boyfriend or had anyone ask me out before
-I can catch on to anything quickly - whether it be a complicated math problem, or another language
-I usually remember all that I learn
-I don't consider people my friends unless they prove themselves to me by not doing anything that I'm unconfortable with
-I want to live in a foreign country to get away from my family
-I hardly even talk to anyone in my family
-My family is part of the reason that I have depression
-I have a hard time crying or expressing emotion in that manner
-I get good grades even though I have bad study habits
-I believe I can never let my guard down or someone will betray me

PMs are fine

Callisto · Post by **Callisto** » Fri Apr 07, 2006 7:54 pm

If I don't manage to lose quite a bit of weight over the summer I think I'll just curl up in a ball and cry and cut none stop for weeks.

Aly · Post by **Aly** » Fri Apr 07, 2006 9:21 pm

What Secret_Smile said....

The voice in my headis coming back....exactly how I want....

Callisto · Post by **Callisto** » Sat Apr 08, 2006 2:17 pm

I'm not entirely sure why I'm still here right now, I don't know who I'm living for anymore: me or them.

oneWayOneLifeOneLove · Post by **oneWayOneLifeOneLove** » Sun Apr 09, 2006 4:01 am

Im afride to die

But im also afride of my future

I want to keep growing till age 17 and than stop that way i wont have to worry about failing in life or ending up with no friends or no1 that i ever talk to

alot of the time i cnt stand life and alls i want to do is die and if i wasnt so afride to i probably wouldnt still be alive

I have hard time trusting ppl but when i do trust someone it trust them with my life which i probably shouldnt do bc i always seam to get hurt

kittyinthemiddle · Post by **kittyinthemiddle** » Sun Apr 09, 2006 8:51 am

* i know what birthday present i wish i could give myself, but i know i couldn't do that to the people i care about. At least not today.

Callisto · Post by **Callisto** » Sun Apr 09, 2006 12:42 pm

I don't know what I want anymore; with him, with life, anything...I feel so lost.

I'm pretty much convinced that he's going to say that he doesn't want to be with me if I'm going to be the way I was last night over things. I'm scared of being right on that one....but also scared of being wrong as I don't know how to handle being together with me being like this.

Callisto · Post by **Callisto** » Sun Apr 09, 2006 10:35 pm

I'm so tired of pretending all the time. I just want to let go of the pretence for once and cry in front of you and have you hold me and tell me its ok. But I know I never will, I'm too scared to ever cry in front of anyone.

powdahchica · Post by **powdahchica** » Mon Apr 10, 2006 3:37 am

I'm pretty sure I'm supposed to be a nun, and I'm dating him anyway...I can't bring myself to end it.

bus

Secrets(inspired by PostSecret)-Please Stay Safe!

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