Hurtful Words

[nori04]

note: This is a post on what not to say..... here is a post on <a href="http://busmail.org/phpBB/viewtopic.php?t=17517">what you should say</a>


What's your problem - stop moaning"
"I'm fed up of you constantly whining"
"You're so selfish - you only ever talk about yourself"
"There are people worse off than you"
"You need a hobby"
"You need to get out of the house"
"Get a grip of yourself!"
"Why can't you just be normal like everyone else?"
"I thought you were stronger than you really are"
"If you stop wallowing in self pity you will feel a lot better"
"Stop feeling sorry for yourself all the time"
"Thanks a *lot*. Now you've made *me* depressed too!!!
"Things aren't *that* bad" "You're just upset. You'll be over it soon"
"You're just having a bad day - you'll be O.K tomorrow"
"Attention-seeker!" "Try not to be so depressed about it"
"You did *what*!!!" "You know you can kill yourself doing that"
"That's *horrible*!!"
"How can you even *think* about doing that to yourself?"
"Freak"
"Why don't you just stop doing it?"
"Who cares"
"You're always so moody!!"
"I don't believe you"
"It's your own fault"
"Stop feeling sorry for yourself all the time"
"Cheer up"
"Smile!"
"You have so many things going for you so why aren't you happy"
"I understand."
"it'll be okay." "I don't know what you are going through, but I understand how you feel"

ive been making a list.. dont know why just thought i might post it. the last one really gets me. i didnt even say anything to them they said they could see it in my eyes then said that. fuck... people make me so angry.

j

red= my parents


green = friends


I kinda want to show this to my mom but it'll just make her more angry, she just said some a lot of these things this morning.

[plantt]

you posted this in coping.... so

how do you respond/deal when those things are said?

why do you think your friends & mom say those thing?

i can relate to feeling very badly when some of those things are said. other times though i can realize that the person saying it wasn't meaning it in a hurtful way.
& that really the world isn't a padded place. hurtful things *will* be said. even though eg. in my lj i ask that a certain phrase not be used. yet my classmates could say that unaware of the impact it'd have on me through my own automatic association.

some of those things listed even have a grain (or grains) of truth to them. a lot in my life is my own fault (meaning that it's how it is through my own behavior)... it does not mean that i knew how to behave differently at the time... nor does it mean that it feels any better to know that or is easier to change. it is true though. it's also true that regardless of fault it's my responsibility to deal with the things in my life.
i think sometimes it's tough for others to understand.. eg. well he's an alcoholic because he's choosing to be. it's his own fault. he could stop if he wanted. *i* know & *you* probably know that although that's the case & that person could get help... it's *not* nearly so easily done.

'i understand' often means 'i wish i understand' or 'i can relate'

etc.

do you think it'd be helpful to ask either friends or your mom to change their wording a bit? explain what about the phrase you dislike & offer a couple alternatives?