FOLKS! WE NEED YOUR INPUT! (Please read and reply!)

Post by **Spidey** » Sat Mar 25, 2006 4:34 am

Hey everyone~

Lately, the moderators of Coping have been thinking about how we can revitalize Coping and make the forum better for you.

If you have read notevenpretty's <a href="http://buslist.org/phpBB/viewtopic.php? ... >sticky</a> on the purpose of the forum, you'll notice that the primary goal of the forum is to find new ways to cope with your feelings without the use of self-injury. With that, pretty talks about the venting threads, which is the subject of this post.

If you don't know what the venting threads are, we are talking about the ones such as the Secrets thread, Things Left Unsaid, Place to Cry/Wish, etc.

With all that said, WE NEED YOUR INPUT!

In order to make Coping the best it can be, we'd like you to answer the following questions:

-- What benefits do you think that the "venting" threads have to the forum? This is not to say that these threads have no benefit to people/forum goers. Every thread (with probably the exception of the spam/advertising ones that the admins make go *poof* in the night) has a benefit to someone on this forum.

-- What purpose do these threads have to you? Are they jumping-off points to work on issues, just places to vent, or what else?

-- Do *you* as a user of the Coping Board (hey! even you lurkers!) think that these threads match with the goal/aim of Coping (and I quote: tips on how to cope: dealing with your feelings, dealing with the consequences of self-harm in your life. share your ideas and maybe pick up some new skills, too. you don't have to want to stop to learn something new here.)

-- If these threads weren't available, how would you express your frustrations?

If you don't want to answer on the forum, you are more than welcome to send any of us a PM.

Thank you for your time and input and let's make Coping the best it can be!

Take Care -

Your Coping Mods

Licentia Poetica · Post by **Licentia Poetica** » Sat Mar 25, 2006 4:47 am

I'd just like to add that I'd like you think as objectively as possible. Perhaps the venting threads do help you in the short term, but if you think very hard about it, they may be only giving you a place to concrete your bad feelings or specifically call out to help in a place you know you probably will not get a response.

I find these threads very manipulating at times, and a completely uncontrusctive way of dealing with your feelings. It can be comforting (I know I've used them too), but if you explore the reasons behind using them, sometimes they can lead to very unproductive habits, and that's not what coping is for.

ChaseThisLight · Post by **ChaseThisLight** » Sat Mar 25, 2006 7:35 am

thatway wrote: I find these threads very manipulating at times, and a completely uncontrusctive way of dealing with your feelings. It can be comforting (I know I've used them too), but if you explore the reasons behind using them, sometimes they can lead to very unproductive habits, and that's not what coping is for.

I have to agree with most of this. I have used them, and I didn't find it comforting...and from reading through, I worry it seems like "well my problem is worse" and I end up feeling bad reading through some of them (which is why I really don't anymore) because there is nothing I can do to help.

balletomane · Post by **balletomane** » Sat Mar 25, 2006 7:54 am

I find some of them more helpful than others. "A place to scream" and "A place to cry" I think offer a place to just release some hurt. I think they aren't as distressing to me, because there isn't description of a problem. I think the main difficulty with the venting threads is that when you post there, people can't respond and make you think about/work on the issue you brought up. this is frustrating for people reading, and not very helpful for the person posting.

That said, I have used them a lot, and I feel hypocritical for saying all that.

pretty · Post by **pretty** » Sat Mar 25, 2006 10:26 am

Not much to add to what's been said really.

For me reading the threads, a lot of the posts could stand alone on main or on here, and things could be worked through to some kind of helpful resolution. It's frustrating to read someone really hurting and venting about it in detail, and not really be able to get into a discussion about what would help. (I know I can pm, but somehow it never seems appropriate...)

I agree with balletomane about the 'place to cry/scream' being helpful as a place to let feelings out without having to verbalise them. Just to say 'this hurts and I don't want to talk about it right now'. It's threads like the 'secrets' thread that bother me more.

I just wanted to add that this came about through a genuine desire to help you guys get what you need from this board, and to help you get something positive that helps you to learn to cope in more positive ways than si. I learnt so much from the coping board when I was first trying to stop si, and I still learn stuff from it. I think I really just want to help the most people we can to learn something new and helpful here.

pretty · Post by **pretty** » Sat Mar 25, 2006 10:30 am

Oh, and I voted no.

I have used them, but not much or often. If they weren't here I would have found somewhere else to get those feelings out I think, like my paper journal, my private lj or my place.

I'm really interested in what others feel.

flipflopfetish · Post by **flipflopfetish** » Tue Mar 28, 2006 7:49 am

Um... is it OK if i post here? Everyone else seems to be an admin or a mod....
Anyways, I disagree with most of you because a lot of the time I feel like I have things bottled up inside of me and I can't tell anyone because they won't listen or because they are... private. And just being able to write them down makes me feel so much better. And a lot of the time, for me, when I'm feeling vulnerable and people respond with constructive critisicm I feel like I'm not good enough and it actually makes me feel more negative. The secret board is especially good because you can put PM if you want help or comforting and the posts have nothing to do with one another so it's not like you have to read the ones before it if it would make you feel bad (which it sometimes does).

Licentia Poetica · Post by **Licentia Poetica** » Tue Mar 28, 2006 8:40 am

flipflopfetish wrote:Um... is it OK if i post here? Everyone else seems to be an admin or a mod....

Yes! We want feedback!

~starblaze~ · Post by **~starblaze~** » Tue Mar 28, 2006 10:06 am

I use the venting threads more than i use the 'place to cry' and 'place to scream' i dont find that those last two help me because i tend to just put the smilies in a post and post it there so it isnt really me letting out my feelings, just posting a couple of smilies that show someone crying or shouting. This thread got me thinking about the other venting threads and i always thought they helped me but looking at it im not sure if they actually do or not. I find them a good place to write something if i need to tell someone something i dont think id be able to, but is it stopping me from telling someone something that actually it would probably help me more to do? In some cases, probably yes.

Not sure if you can make any sense of my post or that it actually helped you guys decide anything.

red umbrellas · Post by **red umbrellas** » Tue Mar 28, 2006 8:12 pm

I do see your points.
Perhaps they could work like the Secrets one, where a PM is an option? Or simply an ongoing thread, as it is now, where, instead of only expressing ones feelings, it is ok to respond as well. I definitely think that would be more constructive.
I use them quite frequently. I find them useful to get out emotions that are building up inside me, But I do thinkj that they could be better utilised, and that they could be used more constructively.

Hppe that helps some

Number41 · Post by **Number41** » Tue Mar 28, 2006 9:37 pm

Hello...I voted 'A Little' as I use them but not often. Primarily I've use the "i'm Feeling..' and 'A Place to Scream'.

For the I'm Feeling thread it helps me to actually think about and define what I am feeling, because I then have to express it in words to post. This helps because I often get overwhelmed but don't know what it is I'm really feeling...if that makes sense.

For the A Place to Scream' it helps me release a bit of stress out into cyberspace instead of keeping it bottled up inside.

I mostly am on BUS at work and both of these threads help me to get a little emotion/stress/etc out and so I am able to get through my work day a bit easier and clear my head. As alternatives go I have a little stress ball I can use, but I wouldn't journal at work, for me it's a bit too inimate to be doing at work.

Also, I've never really thought of these threads as places where I would get feedback from others. For me they are about me...release, focus...not a place for others to respond to me or me to them. A safe place to but frustrations, anger, confusion, etc.

#41

Number41 · Post by **Number41** » Tue Mar 28, 2006 9:39 pm

ohhh...i forgot to say that i don't even read them. i just post and go.

ChaseThisLight · Post by **ChaseThisLight** » Wed Mar 29, 2006 5:23 pm

Okay here is what i don't understand (and this is a completely honest question) Why wouldn't you use or want to use place to vent? That's generally what i do if I have to vent about something. What makes venting threads a "better" place?

Number41 · Post by **Number41** » Wed Mar 29, 2006 11:08 pm

For me the venting threads keep the strong emotion at a safe distance for awhile. I guess I see it as an outlet for the emotion/stress until I can later expand on my thinking and feeling in more detail and using better words in place. It's like I don't want to get my place 'messy'. I want my place to be somewhere where I can muse and contemplate on a different level rather than it just being a place to release.

For example...at home I have a heavy bag that I kickbox with. I also use it as a way to get strong emotion and stress relief. Then later I may want to have a conversation with my friend over what's been bothering me or has been on my mind. Venting threads = punching bag and Place = comprehensive thinking with myself/friends.

#41

Scatterbrain · Post by **Scatterbrain** » Thu Mar 30, 2006 3:46 am

The main reason I used to SI is because of anger. I felt like I was going to explode and found a way to deal with that. When I am really urgy and triggery I have gone on to Things Better Left Unsaid and just vent. That has really helped a couple of times. Sure, it might not be the most constructive way of dealing with emotions, but I dont think it is all bad...

t_k · Post by **t_k** » Thu Mar 30, 2006 12:07 pm

^Ditto. Getting it out is such a relief.

I really like them, they mean that I don't feel the need to off load on my friends as much IRL as well, which makes me feel like guilt.

I don't know if they really fit with coping's aim, but they do help em to cope and they really just make me feel good and free.

I voted 'a lot'.

Yours,
A Lurker

cariad · Post by **cariad** » Thu Mar 30, 2006 5:55 pm

I think that the post secret type threads, although they have thier advantages (as stated, i.e: letting things out at a safe distance etc) can also make you feel worse, because usually it is a negative statement or confession or whatever that is posted...and i dont really know what i am trying to say, but maybe if posters, where possible could add a BUT and try to post in a positve statement or a way they think they could combat/healthly deal with the problem...although this isnt always possible cause sometimes its difficult to think of anything more than the issue that is making you upset.

I think the "right now i feel" thread is a really good one cause it promotes trying to work out and classify emotions, something i find really hard. Its kinda one step down from the "i feel this because..." thing that might go on elsewhere on the board. Sometimes even just admitting to feeling an emotion can be really postive, even if you dont get to the root of the problem.

I'm not sure if ive really expressed that coherently enough

But i hope it helps at least some x

swanfaerie · Post by **swanfaerie** » Fri Mar 31, 2006 6:17 am

they've helped me. i don't vent in my place when i'm venting where i don't want to be read (don't know if that makes sense but it does to me). most of the time i do vent in my place but there is the occasion when i want to get something out and don't want feedback.

certain rants i keep out of my LJ because i'm notoriously bad about remembering to make the entries private and the person i'm venting about might read it. so these threads have served a purpose for me. usually they're a starting point for something i need to work on and eventually do write about in my place or LJ or bring up with T.

eta: i think the only secret i've posted about in here was about loving someone who's in love with someone else. wasn't a "bad" secret but needed to get it out.

Aly · Post by **Aly** » Fri Mar 31, 2006 2:07 pm

They're really useful, because they help me let off steam in a more useful way. I prefer to do it here because in my place, I feel like there is then a need to explain how Im feeling, and sometimes, Id rather just....vent....to just get it out, and then move on....
Saying that, I do like the idea of, like in the PostSecret thread, having an option that allows readers to know that you dont mind getting feedback or whatever via a PM....I think that would be more constructive...and more helpful, but still offers the poster the option to just vent, and leave it at that.
I think, that if they werent available, I would just make a thread in Place which I didnt want people to reply to....but in a weird way, sometimes it really calms me down to read what other people have read. Just, their vents and then imagine their situations. SOmetimes, thats all I need. I dont need to vbent, just to read other peoples. And, reading people's secrets helps me. And having the opportunity to post as well helps me....even though they're usually negative, I think it's better to have somewhere to whack them then to keep them to yourself....

Just my thoughts....
I voted that they helped me a lot - I have to admit I would feel a little lost without them....

collide · Post by **collide** » Fri Mar 31, 2006 6:52 pm

i haven't been to those threads...but i started up the BITCH FEST....i find getting all that anger out of me helps a lot in the moment...and i agree with FLIPFLOPFETISH that i too BOTTLE up stuff inside and that it helps a great deal to let all the steam out!!!!!!......

http://buslist.org/phpBB/viewtopic.php?t=89417 (my POETRY)
http://buslist.org/phpBB/viewtopic.php? ... &start=420 (my PLACE)

collide

bus

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