Secrets(inspired by PostSecret)-Please Stay Safe!

xanemicroyaltyx · Post by **xanemicroyaltyx** » Sat Mar 11, 2006 11:57 pm

i'm in love with all the wrong people

Callisto · Post by **Callisto** » Sun Mar 12, 2006 12:10 am

i want to rip myself to shreds right now.

piglet · Post by **piglet** » Sun Mar 12, 2006 12:31 am

I have thrown up every day for weeks.
Laxatives again.
I cannot see any poiint in keeping my appointment when I am so messed up.
Its wasting their time.

ChaseThisLight · Post by **ChaseThisLight** » Sun Mar 12, 2006 7:50 am

Telling A about my SI was the best choice I ever made. I owe her a lot of credit for helping me to be 15 months SI free(but of course not all of it, because I had a little bit to do with it too!!)

I thought I'd never be in this place. For once in my life since SI began I don't feel controlled by it.

marshmallowfluff · Post by **marshmallowfluff** » Sun Mar 12, 2006 11:14 pm

living with you is like banging my head against a brick wall

Callisto · Post by **Callisto** » Sun Mar 12, 2006 11:18 pm

my suicidal thoughts are getting worse and worse and more and more graphic.

i feel like im losing control...like its slipping more and more everyday.

i don't know what to do anymore.

Callisto · Post by **Callisto** » Mon Mar 13, 2006 12:28 am

*PM's ok*

I'm scared of talking to him and being honest with him right now.

LexieK88 · Post by **LexieK88** » Mon Mar 13, 2006 3:19 am

I don't know if I can forgive myself. Actually I don't even know if I really want to forgive myself. I know I don't deserve forgiveness from myself or anyone else. I'm so angry and disappointed that all I want to do it punish myself with cutting and who knows what else. I don't know how I'll be able to get over this and move on. I am so disappointed in myself. I can't believe I'd do that. It just kills me now. Every time I see him I want to burst into tears. I talked to him on the phone on Friday and when I got off I cried for 45 minutes. I teared up twice today after I talked to him both times. Plus I saw him out the window a couple times which didn't help. I don't know what he thinks. I know he certainly doesn't cry when he sees me. Everything is so messed up. It's like sticking a knife in my heart every time we talk or see each other. The worst part is when we have to hang up or walk away. That just reminds me of the fact that he will never be mine in any way shape or form. Man this sucks. I never thought I'd do this but what do you know? Here I am. Now I know why I was always warned against this. I kind of believed them but not really but now I know they were all right!!

silenceBROKEN · Post by **silenceBROKEN** » Mon Mar 13, 2006 4:27 am

I used her for sex. I don't really regret it.

I fantisized about having a romantic relationship with my therapist once. She's older than my mother.

Skyeler · Post by **Skyeler** » Mon Mar 13, 2006 1:56 pm

I'm scared that good things are happening...
Because it means I have so much more to lose...

I never forget my keys/charcoal/paint brushes/canvas on purpose, I leave them at home so I have a reason to drive back and see her.

mephistopheles · Post by **mephistopheles** » Mon Mar 13, 2006 2:09 pm

I'm too scared to go and see her at easter, cause in another world that would be me living with her.

black_23 · Post by **black_23** » Mon Mar 13, 2006 11:57 pm

I feel I have let my brother down becuase I can't be there. I cry cos i miss him and am poweless. There the only thing that keep me here.
I miss her, and want to hug her even though shes not real. sometimes i want her to come back and smile.
I want him to notice, and care.
Im scared im falling and wont know where to stop.

Callisto · Post by **Callisto** » Tue Mar 14, 2006 3:27 am

sex*****
*
*
*
*
*
I AM A WHORE

I have spent most of this term seriously considering becoming a prostitute to make money
*
*
*
*
*

kittyinthemiddle · Post by **kittyinthemiddle** » Tue Mar 14, 2006 3:56 am

~ i've lied to everyone i know so often that i don't think i know the truth myself ~

~ i missed the most important phone call of my life. now i'm afraid of sleeping ~

~ i think i'm breaking her when all i really i want to do in the world is give her the pieces to show her how to put it back together ~

~ i'm scared that i'm falling in love. it shatters me ~

{comments are fine-PM}

flipflopfetish · Post by **flipflopfetish** » Tue Mar 14, 2006 5:14 am

i let people use me because otherwise i would have no friends.

PMs OK

Callisto · Post by **Callisto** » Tue Mar 14, 2006 5:35 pm

I want my ED back.

I've started taking diet pills again, but in higher amounts than is recommended for the day because I am that desperate to be thin.

I know its fucking with my heart, I can feel it doing it already, but i don't care.

Chocoboko · Post by **Chocoboko** » Tue Mar 14, 2006 10:28 pm

PM's okay.

* I'm very self-centered. I often am unaffected emotionally by news stories of big tragedies where lots of people get killed. I pretend to care because I don't want to be seen as inhuman, but I really felt little over all those who died. I also get angry at hearing people contribute to and unite over these causes. I wish I understood what it was like to be affected by people I don't know dying. I didn't even feel much when my grandpa died. I have no qualms with moving far away from home and never seeing my family again. I have no emotional attachment whatsoever to them.

* I only care about a select few people, and it's those who care about me first. It's those who are open with me and make me feel safe about opening up to. I used to try to reach out to people, but I think it's all fake, like I am just pretending to care. I'm more self-centered now because I've grown less and less trusting of people after being hurt over and over.

* I like to look down on people. Sometimes I enjoy not being a human being with a heart or soul. I like to listen to angry music to drone out my emptiness over not having a conscience.

* I think there's no room for me, no matter how hard I try. People always use "moral reasons" to reject me to protect their own consciences. They say stuff to the effect of me not being worth loving for being too self-centered, too difficult, etc.

* I think people who compliment me just want something. They are trying to butter me up to get something (such as being desperate) because I seem so weak and vulnerable. But then, they drop me like a paper cup.

* I think everybody thinks I am immature and annoying, and while they say nothing, they wish I'd either die or go away.

* I feel like a mistake that came into existence by some birth control method failing.

* I think the only reason my mom ever had me was to further her own social status. In the evangelical circles, families are regarded as good. Thus, she wanted another child to "show off" to her church groups. She got embarassed easily and yelled at me. I am not supposed to think. I am supposed to be a doll to further her image as the "kind, caring, Christian woman". After all, when "kind, caring, Christians" make products or seminars, they sell.

* I wish people could see behind all my problems. I wish they'd stop thinking I am psychotic and simply see that I am just frustrated. I'm not evil, rebellious, or insane. I'm just sick of being an empty mannequin!

jaded melody · Post by **jaded melody** » Tue Mar 14, 2006 11:28 pm

PMs are fine.

I didnt eat most of today because I just HAVE to be thinner, but i ate dinner. I told myself it was because i caved. I was weak. But really I dont want to die of a heart attack before I'm 20. I know i probably need help. Im unhealthily thin already but everyone tells me that I look GREAT and i cant IMAGINE being any fatter.

I miss my ex-therapist a little too much. I watch Project Catwalk over and over because one of the judges looks like her. The head of english at my school looks like her too and I feel a twinge in my heart when I see her. I also think im jealous of her baby. I know im really fucked up but part of me really loves her (as a friend, not in a sexual way)

She treated me more like a real person than anyone EVER has in real life ever before, including my mum and dad. She would never tell me that my dreams or religious beliefs are stupid.

Im worried that the reason I get so attached to kind adults is that Im trying to make up for not having enough love or being close enough to my parents.

I want to be a model but im too short

Im also too fat and ugly

When i was 11 I wanted to go to stage school and my mum didnt let me even audition - I gave up on my dreams not long after. A few years later i almost got up the courage to have another try so I asked her why she didnt let me. She told me she thought I wouldnt get in. I gave up for good that day.

She also once said I was "going through a phase" when I found Wicca- the only thing that ever gave my life any sense of meaning.

red umbrellas · Post by **red umbrellas** » Tue Mar 14, 2006 11:49 pm

I've always wanted to be someone else. And now, suddenly, I've realised it's ok to be me....because it's me my boyfriend loves, and I can't imagine what I'd do without him

flipflopfetish · Post by **flipflopfetish** » Wed Mar 15, 2006 3:29 am

i really really want to die

bus

Secrets(inspired by PostSecret)-Please Stay Safe!

Who is online