Before

[Green Beauty]

how will this situation or feeling change if i hurt myself?
I will calm down and be able to rationalise my thoughts.

what will hurting myself bring to the situation? what will it take away from the situation?
It will help me escape in the short run.

if hurting myself seems like my best option right now, how long will the relief it brings last? what will i do then?
It will last for the day, usually anyway, and after that my mood will stabilise again.

what is something i could do now instead of hurting myself? how will it change the situation i'm in? how long will that change last, and what will i do then?
I could smoke, binge or break stuff. I don'tknow what other options i have.

how will i feel tomorrow if i hurt myself? how will i feel tomorrow if i do the other thing i came up with?
I won't regret it, i would probably be proud of myself, but then ashamed. I don't know of any other real things to do. I don't know how to cope with anger.

Why do I feel I need to hurt myself? What has brought me to this point?
I am just extremely angry. There is nothing in particular getting to me, it is just everything, and i have difficulty expressing anger, therefore it gets internalised, and it leads to this..


Have I been here before? What did I do to deal with it? How did I feel then?
Yes i have, in all honesty i usually don't cope with it or deal with it.

What I have done to ease this discomfort so far? What else can I do that won't hurt me?
I have eaten, and come on here to get my feelings out. I could play a game of some sort. Thats the best i can think of


How do I feel right now?
Angry. Very very angry.


How will I feel when I am hurting myself?
Frustrated and in pain.

Can I avoid this stressor, or deal with it better in the future?
Understand how to cope with anger and notice when i am in such a mood.


Do I need to hurt myself?
Not really, but it seems like the best option to help me calm down.

I am useless, sorry.

[mallie]

You're not useless Alex, but it does sound like you're feeling pretty overwhelmed by your feelings right now.

I think you've done really well trying to answer the questions here. Do you think that it has helped you think more clearly about what you're feeling at the moment?

Are you willing to try other ideas to cope? Some of the ideas here could be worth trying. Personally I find that something that gets a lot of energy out to be useful for angry feelings.

You said that you're feeling angry - do you know if it is directed towards yourself, someone else or a situation? [I know you said you're not sure, but I know that personally even though I tend to internalise my anger as well, there tends to be a different quality to anger that is really at me than towards someone else, I just can't quite explain it at the moment, but maybe you know what I mean]

Can you work out when you started to feel angy, or what were you doing before you noticed you felt angry?

[Green Beauty]

Thank you for replying mallie, i appreciate it. I managed to get through without self harming, and posting that on here did help me to think more clearly, as afterwards i told myself that if there must have been a part of me wanting to stay safe, otherwise i wouldnt have gone to the effort of posting that. So it gave me a bit more to fight for.

In terms of coping strategies, i think being on bus helped as it meant i could do things like this to keep me occupied and get out my feelings rather then dwell on them. I also used the ice cube method to get the pain but not the scars, and although it's not quite the same i think that helped. But the bonus for that is it gave me some ice cubes to eat as well, which i love doing. I disapeared and played a game for a short time, which i rarely do nowadays, then i went and had a bath (which is quite an achievement when i am urgy as that is where the self harming takes place, but it relaxed me). So in the end i did try a variety of methods, which i am proud of myself for doing.

My anger is usually going off at all directions when i am in this mood. People annoy me, objects annoy me, situations annoy me and so do i. So it's not really a precise things, which is my problem.

I know what set off my anger, and the problem is i dwell on things, so it meant that i kept thinking it over and over, which frustrated me more. Causing me to be angry at everything and anything.

Thank you again.