after

[fortune]

what had happened just before?
i had been worrying. had just learnt a friend i am not on good terms with was raped. have worked with therapist so hard to aknowledge that i am allowed to have anger and then everything changed and i became confused.

what were you thinking and feeling?
i am a bad person for not being there for them even though they were not there for me when i needed them. i hate me

why did you end up hurting yourself then instead of some other time? was there an event that was the final straw? what was it?
my own thoughts put me to the stage where i felt that cutting was my only choice

how did the situation get to the final straw stage? trace it back through the events that led up to the last event. look for some point at which you could have made a different decision and not arrived at the final straw.
i could have tried to call someone and talk or be around people but it was the middle of the night. i think i had pretty much decieded that i needed to be punished.

were there outside factors like drugs, alsohol, being off your meds, lack of sleep, etc? can you address those in the future? how?
i didn't take a sleeping tablet that i always take the night before because i was out with friends. i'm not going to rule out spontaneous events just because i'm on meds.

what other ways of coping did you try besides self-harm? how well did they work?
i didn't. i even had a list of them printed out and still i did it. i was weak.

in retrospect, are there coping methods that you now realize might have helped? what were they?
maybe talking or distracting myself


how do you feel about the situation that led to self-harm now? is it resolved? if not, what are some steps you might take toward resolution?
i really don't know. i think i need to see my t to resolve the issues. and that isn't happening this week because he will be away. may be i should call him. am really anxious about that but i think i should.

are you likely to be in that emotional place again? how will you recognize it when you're in that situation?
i know it'll happen again soon.

what will you try before you resort to self-harm if you're in that situation again? list three specific things you will commit to trying.
- write a letter to my T
- call a friend or post on bus
- think it out

About Opportunities to SI
Opportunity to Self-Harm seems to be a common theme. Think about why opportunities are important to slips and learn why opportunity is important to you.



What made that opportunity more appealing than any other?
the need to punish myself

Did you make an opportunity or was it there for the taking?
i'm pretty sure i made it

What would you have done if there was no opportunity, how would you have handled your urge?
made an opportunity somehow

If there had been no opportunity would your urge to self-harm have increased or decreased?
increased

What consitutes opportunity for you? Being alone? having new tools? waiting for the right feeling?
just knowing that i feel horrible and that i went and bought tools

If your opportunties were taken away, how would you feel?
sick


After You Beat and Urge
How do you beat your urges? Examine how you beat the last one so it can help you beat the next one.



Did I identify what feelings were leading me to want to SI?
yes

If Yes - What were they, and how did I figure them out?
i just took notice of them and then did what my T said. they are only my disordered feelings and i can overcome them. they are not facts etc

What coping skills did I use to deal with these feelings?
rational thinking, distractions

Were these coping skills the most effective I could have used?
i think so

If No - What coping skills got me through?


Why do I think they worked?
because otherwise i am overwhelmed by my feelings

How can I deal with these feelings more effectively next time, before the urge to SI sets in?
divert feelings earlier

[balletomane]

It sounds like rational thinking has helped you a lot in the past, and I think your final observation (that attempting to divert feelings earlier helps) is a good one. What sorts of things can you do that will remind you to do this?

Also, you are allowed to be angry at someone. You didn't know that your friend had been hurt. not knowing something doesn't make you a bad person. Also, it is perfectly acceptable not to be able to offer a lot of support right now. It is more important to take care of yourself right now.