Things Left Unsaid *LA*

xanemicroyaltyx · Post by **xanemicroyaltyx** » Sat Feb 11, 2006 4:27 pm

dad-i want to have sex with you. still. all the time. but in a way that we never had it. i want you to love me. i want the world to celebrate us. i want it to be okay.

sydney- i still want to go see him. i want to smash myself into pieces so you know.

Beasty · Post by **Beasty** » Sun Feb 12, 2006 1:42 pm

A- you are such an ASSHOLE!!!!! FUCK IT ALL! You've helped ruin a relationship, cheat with someone, and break my heart. And you dont give a shit

M- LIZZIE!! LIZZIE!!! LIZZIE!!! Does this not make sense to you?! You dont go cheating on her! You dont kiss your best friend's ex not a week or so after they broke up! You KNOW im not over him yet! Well go fuck him you SKANK!

revelation · Post by **revelation** » Sun Feb 12, 2006 4:36 pm

To everyone; i cant do this anymore. i just need a second to catch my breath, to breath. Please...

DecemberLivy · Post by **DecemberLivy** » Sun Feb 12, 2006 5:57 pm

i'm so scared i'm going to fail
i am so scared i'm not good enough

i need someone
please help me

Forget Me · Post by **Forget Me** » Wed Feb 15, 2006 4:00 am

gah, fuck you, how hard is it to walk 5 minutes down the fucking road to come and see me?!?!?!?!
bitch. i want to give up but i care about you too fucking much.

Catylyx · Post by **Catylyx** » Wed Feb 15, 2006 9:58 pm

Sam: please talk to me again. please? i miss you...i love you...please...

Brian: i love you...i can't say it yet...but i do. Luff will have to do for now though.

Nick: i love you. Happy early birthday.

Me: You're fucked up. Look at what you're doing to your friends! You're loved ones! fucking quit already! give in! you know you want to...

bexy · Post by **bexy** » Thu Feb 16, 2006 9:37 pm

I want to do something to myself so you'll notice. I want to make you understand. I can't cope and I don't know how to say it and I don't know who I even have left to say it too

(*Haven*) · Post by **(*Haven*)** » Sun Feb 19, 2006 5:54 pm

D~I hope you're not worried too much about what I wrote in that letter.

Mum~You're trying too hard. You're wearing yourself out and you're going to break. And you put that on me, that you're in such a bad mood. And it makes me 10 times worse!

Callisto · Post by **Callisto** » Sun Feb 19, 2006 7:50 pm

A--I know you're hurting and not coping right now, but I can't fix it all for you, so stop expecting me to

Everyone else--I'm sorry, you all have a right to hate me....I'm sorry

Skyeler · Post by **Skyeler** » Sun Feb 19, 2006 11:13 pm

Ash- Answer my fucking emails

ballet_dancer7 · Post by **ballet_dancer7** » Mon Feb 20, 2006 6:36 pm

c- thanks for dealing with me for so long.. especially when i keep messing up and can't control myself.
d- leave me alone already. sure i'm going to fuck up but that doesnt mean that you have to kick me out of the house. i dont want to wear a tshirt and show off my scars to the entire world.. i dont find it helful.. and i dont undertand why you find it necessary
m-stop being such a bitch! you can be angry and bitter but really.. you dont need to take it out on me.
moe- shut the fuk up. i dont care about your little problems that you bring onto yourself. i hate it when you say that you have such big problems but you dont. you need help my dear. dont say you'll just go hurt yourself.. dont go say you'll kill yourself.. just because you know that it will get on my nerves
shada- you aren't fat. put some effort in. dont read on the internet all day and maybe things will change. take your own notes. do your own homework. i'll help you, but i wont just give you my things to copy.
everyone- sometimes i just have to be alone. thats the way it is. dont touch me, and dont talk to me. it wont make things better. im sorry, but thats the way it is right now

angelwithapintglass · Post by **angelwithapintglass** » Mon Feb 20, 2006 9:30 pm

L #1: "hi.. how are you?" how many times have you been asked that before? with the uncertainty of tone and the flushed, shamed cheeks? i wonder how many girls you've kissed and how many of them were behind someone's back. we know nothing of your history, especially concerning the opposite (we assume) sex. i have defended you to my worried friends, who have already labelled you a player, but the problem with this is the fact that i don't know either way. i didnt even know you weren't a virgin until a few short months ago, even though The Act Itself happened two years ago. you agreed with me when i said "but you fancy my friend", but your eyes were fixed on the ground: what's up with that? i guess in an ideal world you would tell me you really fancied me, but felt obliged to be "hers". that would allow opportunities for me to say "haha, fuck you" as well as "haha, fuck her". i do want you to like me, but i do not want to have any sort of relationship with you. i'm just being utterly female in needing to label what happened between you and me. the deal is, i need to feel desirable. i cant deal with her up in my face complaining that she needs sex and needs to be found attractive when, ahem, two years trumps two months and half the school year trumps one spotty teenager. she is rubbing it in my face and you just exaggerated the whole thing when you kissed me and went on to stick yourself in her. i am not jealous, i am.. slightly shaky about my appearance at the moment. they are two different things completely.

L #2: how the fuckingjesuschristhell can you say "sarah is such an idiot. for still sleeping with him when they're not even together. i think it's awful that she's not with him yet forbids him to be with anyone else whilst she's kissing other people." when that's you to a T? do you not see the screaminginyourface irony? HOW can you kiss and psuedo-fuck someone, tell me you might maybe one day think about getting together with them but, omigod, not right now, and yet want to keep him all to yourself? you would quite happily go off and fuck someone else, but if he did the same you would annihilate him!? how can you think this is perfectly ok and SAY to me that you think its perfectly ok when you think its "so fucking awful" when sarah does it? do you know how petty you are being? we all know you're not over your ex, girl. we all know that its going to take you a very long time. the only person that doesnt seem to be accepting this is YOU. you want to get back in the game, i understand that. you want to be wanted, i understand that. what i DONT understand is you wanting to have every single man who ever breathed under your belt and then wanting to rub it in other peoples faces "look, i can have him him him and him and yet i still feel soooo unwanted. poor me."
i cannot wait for the day that he turns around and says to you that you've fucked up your chances. as much as he is seemingly in lust with you, a day will come when that is all yesterdays news and you'll only just have realised how much of a selfish bitch you were to him AND me.
i sometimes wonder what the hell you'd say if you knew. would you get mad? of course you would. would it be excusable? to a degree. but he's not yours, girl. you can't assume he is even if he has rubbed his rock hardness up against your leg. everyone over the mental age of 13 realises that is the pettiest reason. and you did not see either of them first.
spot.

Scatterbrain · Post by **Scatterbrain** » Tue Feb 21, 2006 8:23 am

This post rocks!

Everyone: I dunno what the hell is going on in my life, so how do you expect me to deal with your shit, or explain my problems to you? It is not fucking possible, so get off my back.

Liz: I love that youve stuck by me all these years. I love how you listen and give great advice. I just wish you could learn to open up yourself. I can help you with more than you think, and I see through more than you think...

Jordin: I love you, but learn to SHUT THE HELL UP!!

Mom: I'm trying REALLY hard to move on. Cutting was a big part of me, and will always be part of me. Even when I am not actively doing it... Accept that and try to understand that no matter what you do, it is one of the things that I cant talk to you about... Accept it and learn to live with it.

Vickie: I really need you to email me back. Please do it soon.

Shelley: I love you sooo much. The Lord has blessed me greatly by bringing you into my life. Although I have trouble showing emotions, I want you to know that you are one of the few people that can really put me back on the right track. Thanks for your guidance, understanding, patience and love of me, even with SI and all my other flaws. I love you!!

Dan: You are the best role model I could ask for. I love you and appreiciate you more than I can say. You are doing God's work and I love that about you.

Roman: I dont want to lead you on, but I dunno if I want to be in a relationship. I just love your company and everyone else at church. I had a really bad week and just needed some hugs and love, and I came to you. Please dont read into it too much. When I give my talk on cutting next week, please try to see that I am the same person and try not to judge me based solely on that.

St. Andrews Youth Group: I love all of you and I thank you for accepting me, no questions asked. Please be open minded to my talk next week and dont judge me too harshly on my past.

Sarah: Get your act together. I know you are hiding something, and I pray it is not SI. Please know that we love you. I hope you know that I can help you if you are willing to listen and be open minded. You might find my experiences are similar to yours and that God might not be so false after all...

~Megan

(*Haven*) · Post by **(*Haven*)** » Wed Feb 22, 2006 1:02 am

D: I'm sorry I lean on you too much. You opened my eyes with your phone call today. I understand that I can't always expect you to be there and return my phone calls. I've decided not to call you anymore, unless it's a real emergency. You worry about me enough. And now, now you won't have to. Because I'm not going to call you anymore.

pandora · Post by **pandora** » Thu Feb 23, 2006 10:31 am

1 year ?

I am so sorry.

the timing will never be right.

red umbrellas · Post by **red umbrellas** » Thu Feb 23, 2006 5:06 pm

honesty.
yes, i know i should be more honest with you.
so the truth is....i've lost almost 3 years of my life that were meant to be the best to depression. it screwed me up for that long already and it still won't leave me alone.
i've struggled with negative thoughts about food for almost the same length of time. i went on a formidable diet in year 12. i was way underweight. i still wish i was back that way, with that kind of discipline,
i've been self harming for 2 1/2 years. The last year and a half i've been fighting that. And I am getting stronger. But only yesterday I burnt myself again - see the plaster on my wrist? And you remember that other burn I had around Christmas time? That too.....but I'm getting better. That's twice in 3 months. I'm fighting on. But I'm sorry.

I wish I wish I could tell you this

But I'm ashamed and I can't.

kermit · Post by **kermit** » Thu Feb 23, 2006 9:51 pm

You know too much so everytime you do anything wrong I try to break what we used to have. I made you up to be someone amazing in my head but you're selfish and you never see when I'm hurting and that makes me hate you. Even though I'm not showing you my pain you;re supposed to see it, you should know simply because you should care. I love you, I gave you part of me no-one else had and you let me slip away, you didnt fight and you didnt try to hold onto me, you didnt care that I was upset you just wanted to get the fuck out of there. You didnt care that I needed a hug and you hugged them in front of me, why was I different, why didnt I deserve a hug? Why were they so much better than me? I was fine when they werent there. everytime you made me feel special you'd ruin it all by showing everyone that they meant more to you. I hate you for hurting me, but for some stupid fucked up reason I love you and I wish I didnt so badly because then your indifference wouldnt kill me. If I could do things over I wouldnt tell you anything, I'd stay the smiley happy girl and I would probably ruin myself but at least I wouldnt ruin what we had. We could have been such amazing friends but everytime we came close we lost it.

You'll never understand me, I dont think you ever tried, you just wanted to know what was wrong, it wasnt ever about me. It was all about you, you wanting to know everything.

I thought what we had was special, it wasnt

angelwithapintglass · Post by **angelwithapintglass** » Thu Feb 23, 2006 10:33 pm

matthew:

i know we havent even seen each other for many, many years but the news of your death has shaken me. we were never close; i doubt if we ever even had a real conversation and i can't imagine that we'd ever have got on well enough to be friends. but you were still a part of my life; you were still part of my childhood.
i was going to say that i dont remember much about you, but i remember your face and your hair (and how i was always baffled that it wasnt red) and your smile and your laugh. i even remember your voice. the way you spoke now reminds me of my brother and that breaks my heart a little bit more.
i am shocked that this has happened. you were still so young and had so much to live for. of course that is an assumption on my part; anything could have happened to push you this far and i understand that. in a way, i wish i knew, but i know that it is none of my business.
it was charlie that told me. she told me that your funeral will be on wednesday and that it will be close friends and family only attending. i can understand that, given the circumstances of your death, but if it wasn't thus, i would be coming too. we were never friends, but i would have liked to show that i do and did care.
this has shaken me to the bone. of course, i have always known that this happens (in fact, especially with people of our age) but its still such a huge thing to think that you, someone i spent the first eight years of my educational life with, has taken their own life.
i hope that you are at rest, somewhere. i hope that whatever caused you to make this decision is no longer haunting you.
i cant think of anything "right" to say except simply: rest in peace. x

Callisto · Post by **Callisto** » Thu Feb 23, 2006 11:06 pm

Darren:

I'm sorry that I still can't open up to you the way you want me to. I don't know how. I know that sounds stupid and pathetic, but its the truth. I've never had anyone in my life who cared about me as much as you do. Who actually wants to know when im upset. Who wants to help me. I've only ever been surrounded by people who are quite happy to take the surface me for granted and not look any deeper. The last time I tried to open up to someone, they told me that I wasn't allowed to tell them things because me being upset and letting them know it made them feel down. So after that I stopped trying. I'm sorry I can't do the things you want me to. Please forgive me.

pandablue · Post by **pandablue** » Fri Feb 24, 2006 9:05 am

you were a good friend

thank you

bus

Things Left Unsaid LA

i hope you can see this, somehow

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