Hurt myself one last time

sisterbig · Post by **sisterbig** » Sat Feb 18, 2006 9:45 pm

I feel like such a failure if I don't hurt myself. I was trained by my parents to do it so the feeling is strong and old. I told myself I would hurt myself one last time and then stop. And start dealing with the feelings. The "I am a failure" tape is so strong. I don't know how to break it. I've been told that if I hurt myself again, I'm going to end up in a state mental instution because the private ones can't help me. So I have to stop. I just don't know how to break through the failure tapes. I can't hurt myself again. Feedback?

LBC · Post by **LBC** » Sun Feb 19, 2006 6:50 am

sisterbig wrote:I was trained by my parents to do it so the feeling is strong and old.

Do you mean that your parents actually trained you to SI to deal with your emotions? Or that you have a history of SI to deal with feelings brought on by your parents? (Your statement is a little unclear, I wanted to make sure).

If you are SI'ing to deal with emotions brought on by your parents, what other coping strategies have you tried? Is there someone you can talk to about the feelings?

sisterbig wrote:I told myself I would hurt myself one last time and then stop. And start dealing with the feelings.

The problem with thinking like this is that it is easy to keep close to the surface and pull out as an excuse to SI. It's addict thinking - "Just one more cigarette, just one more drink, just one more..."

As the old adage goes, why put off until tomorrow what you can start today? If you're serious about stopping, stop this form of self-sabotage in its tracks and start NOW.

sisterbig wrote:The "I am a failure" tape is so strong. I don't know how to break it.

What is it exactly that you are afraid of failing at? And why does it cause you to want to SI?

Try to focus on the fact that you need to keep yourself safe right now to stay out of the hospital, instead of running the failure tapes. Make that a goal. Write it down and put it where you can see it often.

Check out Sourcebook for some excellent threads on distractions, coping mechanisms, and information that you might just generally find helpful. The "Coping" forum might also be helpful too.

Good luck!

sisterbig · Post by **sisterbig** » Sun Feb 19, 2006 11:58 am

My parents actually put the razor blade in my hands when I was 3 and had me start hurting myself an I'm 48 now, so I've got a long history.

I am committed to stopping hurting myself. I understand that the thinking I'm a failure is brainwashing from the cult and I need to break it. I won't go to a state hospital so I will stop hurting myself.

I will check out the sourcebook for distractions and things that will help me. I will fight this battle even if it is an uphill one.

bus