Before *SI*Feedback welcomed....*

[(*Haven*)]

how will this situation or feeling change if i hurt myself?
~I don't really know....The situation won't change....Maybe I'll feel more connected and able to handle things...


what will hurting myself bring to the situation? what will it take away from the situation?
~The worry of hiding the cuts....Having to tell my T I've cut yet again...
It will take away some of how I'm feeling.


how do i want to feel about this in the long run? is hurting myself likely to get me closer to or farther from feeling that way?
~If I feel like I need to cut, then I'm going to be okay with that and realize it was the only way of coping that was going to work for me at the time.

if hurting myself seems like my best option right now, how long will the relief it brings last? what will i do then?
~I don't know how long I'll cope until the urges hit again. If the urges come back around, I'll deal with them

what is something i could do now instead of hurting myself? how will it change the situation i'm in? how long will that change last, and what will i do then?
~Journal, focus on something else....I'm at home (with parents), so my options are really limited. Nothing I do will cahnge the situation I'm in.


how will i feel tomorrow if i hurt myself? how will i feel tomorrow if i do the other thing i came up with?
~I will be okay with it if I hurt myself. Tomorrow will be different. I'll be back at my apartment where all my other things are to help me cope.

what do i really want to do right now? how can i best honor the self-protective instinct that has me wanting to self-injure right now?
~I really want to cry right now, but I'm unable to. I really want to cut right now, but I've still got a few hours to go until I'm completely alone and able to do that.


Why do I feel I need to hurt myself? What has brought me to this point?
~I need to hurt myself to feel something. Life has brought me to this point.

Have I been here before? What did I do to deal with it? How did I feel then?
~I've been here before, but not exactly in the same way, if that makes any sense.

What I have done to ease this discomfort so far? What else can I do that won't hurt me?
~I've really not done anything but post something in "the nest" and this. I don't know what I can do to get me through this.

How do I feel right now?
~Alone

How will I feel when I am hurting myself?
~I'll feel better.

How will I feel after hurting myself? How will I feel tomorrow morning?
~I don't know. Each time is different.

Can I avoid this stressor, or deal with it better in the future?
~No avoid the stressor. It's here to hang around for a while.

Do I need to hurt myself?
~Eventually, yes.

[pandablue]

Just thinking maybe you could hold out for tonight
since you will be in your own place tomorrow
if you look at it as being just for tonight it might help?




Panda


I like your sig

[(*Haven*)]

I'm going to do my best to get through tonight....I'm feeling better, slightly....

Mum's gone to bed, Dad should follow shortly (next hour or two), and my aunt who is visiting for the weekend is already in bed. I can have some time to myself to journal.

I'd much like to get through the weekend....And then if I need my T, I can ring her Monday....

And maybe by then the urges will go away, for a moment....But I highly doubt it......I'll know it's bad when I start visualizing things.....

*sigh*

Thanks for the comment about my sig. It made me smile.

[pandablue]

Hang in there I'll be thinking about you


Panda

[(*Haven*)]

Thanks for the support. It means loads right now.

[pandablue]

How are you doing today?

[(*Haven*)]

I'm still struggling with thoughts of hurting myself....I don't know how much or how little I need to feel better. I don't know if a simple cut will be sufficent enough, or if it's going o lead to control and stopping myself.....


*sigh*....

~*Haven*~

[pandablue]

sorry you are still strugling
can you find something good to do for you today?

with me one cut leads to another and the urg gets stronger each time

[(*Haven*)]

I could work on my journal wall....It's something my T and I came up with during last week's session....I don't hae many things printed off, but I have some things....And I can go through some old mags....

I don't know how long it's going to last thought.

The thing that's really keeping me from cutting right now is that I'm still at home and around people.

When I go back to my apartment, it's just me (well...my cat too, but what can she do?).

It's a lose lose situation. The urges get stronger because I can't do anything, but when I go back to my apartment, most of my things to cope with urges are there.....

[pandablue]

wha sort of things do you have to cope?

The journal wall sounds interesting

[(*Haven*)]

I have my regular journal, and another type of journal I've been keeping....I've got my music, my movies...I can clean and try to make my apartment look not so messy.....I've got my emergency box....And my knitting. So there are things I could do.....


I've got one wall in my bedroom that just as a framed poster on it, and I've got some things stuck in the frame....So I got some posterboard and put that up around it....So I can glue pictures and things up there that are special to me, bring special memories. And if I need to put up some negative things, I can. It's something visual. My T liked the idea. And with the posterboards, I can take it down easily when I move out and put it right back up, so it's always there.

I'm actually back in my apartment now....And I've been fighting off more than just SI urges....

[pandablue]

the journal wall sound neat

i haven't been on in a while

hope you are ok