after - dang it!

[okie]

I'd made it since New Year's Eve. Two things that piss me off about this time. 1) I had the nerve to blame it on my H on a message I left on my T's voicemail (has anybody invented a machine to recall messages left and later regretted?) He said something insensitive - after we'd been drinking. Why couldn't I just let it go? And he didn't do the cutting. I did. So, why on earth would I say he made me cut?

And 2) I'd been under amazing stress in NOLA this week, going to help my brother who is very unwell. I was so amazed that I didn't have the slightest urge to cut. I was thinking this must be behind me. It just came out of nowhere. I was cutting before I even knew what I was doing. I didn't stop, think, deliberate, nothing. It just happened.

And I'm also pissed off because I just ordered a new outfit yesterday for a special event in two weeks. It's really cute but has short sleaves. I'm thinking two weeks won't be long enough for this to go away. I feel to stupid!!! Mostly, it's the fact that it took me by surprise. I just didn't think I'd be here again.

[pandablue]

Odette
I'm all for finding one of those recall silly messages left...mostly on T's phone answering services. We could probably become millionaires with the invention.

You are not stupid like you said you've been through a lot and sometimes I find with me it's kind of like an after shock. Just takes one more thing to push me over. It happens

take good care of the wound and maybe it will be a fast healer




Panda

[okie]

Thanks. Well, it certainly gives me something to talk about with T. Also, I think it will be OK in two weeks time. I've been coddling it/them with golden seal, comfrey, etc. and it's not looking as bad as it felt through the night.

oh