before

[treasure]

not gonna answer q's cos i just want to type it all out... i want to cut cos i don't want to feel...

i feel sad, i feel worthless. i feel like life is always bad and i need a way out. i hate my life. i don't hate 'life' in general, this morning i was thinking of things i really love about life. but it feels like i don't fit. i'm like an alien thats observing humanity and trying to copy it, but on the inseide can never be the same. i don't talk to ppl much, but when i do, i'm ashamed of who i am. i hate that atm i look forward to watching tv more than anything else. i hate that i don't eat or sleep normally. i hate my body. i hate never being sure of what i want.

but...
feelings are good as well as bad. a couple of negative things (not having much money, anxiety about not having support, life being unfair, being scared of ppl) have sent me on a spiral of feeling bad and then feeling worse about feeling bad. it seems overwhelming but it can't be. its just a feeling. thats not trivialising the point, it still hurts a lot, but it will pass. you will be ok. you can deal with it. you can cope without si for now.

i will talk about feeling bad. i won't just ignore it and suppress it, making things worse later. i'm allowed to get angry!! i'm allowed to be sad. noone is going to hate me for crying, it is not weak or strange. i need to look after myself. the urge to si is about looking after myself so thats what i'll do but i don't need si to do it. i will let out some anger with music, let out some sadness with crying. and try to talk about it, asking someone to listen is not being a burden!!

[pandablue]

Hey Treasure
just wanted you to know I read your post here
i was on my way to post a before and your name caught my eye
anyway
just wanted you to know i heard you


Panda

[treasure]

thanks panda.

posting really helped. most of the time i think of why i shouldn't cut and i can't think of a good reason. trying to look after myself is a reason!