How do you feel about your scars?

sombra-triste · Post by **sombra-triste** » Tue Dec 06, 2005 10:38 am

To me, scars are a veeery private thing.... its not that i'm ashamed of them, its just that each one of them means something of my own, not meant for others to know about me. mine are all on my wrist (how original) and i've worn a wrist band every day for years, just because i feel its uber private. i remember each scar, and how i felt when i did it, and that means something to me, its like writing a journal, without the words, and people don't share their diaries to just anybody.

queen of pain · Post by **queen of pain** » Wed Dec 07, 2005 5:38 pm

I'm sort of used to them, I don't really care if they're on show.
If people ask, I simply say "I fell."
If they probe further, I elbow them.

Dee
xxxxx

morning_mist · Post by **morning_mist** » Sun Dec 11, 2005 7:47 pm

I hide my scars from other people. Sometimes that means wearing a long-sleeve shirt over a tank top or leggings under a skirt. Occasionally I'll go sleeveless--but only if I'm in a really dark place, i.e. a club or concert, where no one's paying attention and you can't see anyway. When the lights come up, I make sure I've got a sweater draped over my arms.
It's harder with my husband. I know he sees them, and knows they're there, but still I hide them as much as I can. It's pointless, I know, but I still do it.
When I hide my scars, I can pretend they're not there. I can ignore SI, if only for a short while. And I can function--go to work, talk with friends, cook, laugh with my husband, etc.
I have to hide them, because if I didn't, I would either be a) too self-conscious to do anything at all around other people or b) too absorbed by them, and SI, and all the feelings associated with that.

Naiia · Post by **Naiia** » Sun Dec 11, 2005 9:19 pm

queen of pain wrote:I'm sort of used to them, I don't really care if they're on show.
If people ask, I simply say "I fell."
If they probe further, I elbow them.

Dee
xxxxx

YES! That's hilarious. I'm gonna start elbowing, too.

meg0n · Post by **meg0n** » Sun Dec 11, 2005 9:37 pm

To be honest i dont know how i feel about my scars!

Sometimes i am proud of them and other times i am ashamed, i do still hide them though.

But they are fading now, which scares me, i dont know why but in a way i dont want them to go. Make sense??!!??

Meg0n
x

Kalcon · Post by **Kalcon** » Sun Dec 11, 2005 10:28 pm

When i'm alone and take off my jacket I love them and are proud!
But when I'm with my friends and other people i hide them and are ashamed. They make me sick at times, I make me sick at times! But some times they bring back that good feeling

green · Post by **green** » Mon Dec 12, 2005 1:02 am

I'm ashamed but when I look at them privately its like they've just become so much a part of me that its hard to think about them as a seperate part of my body. They're just like my nose or something! Which I suppose is good because I'm going to have to get used to the fact they are a permenant feature of me now.

Its different when I think someone is looking though. I twist my arms about to try and hide the worst ones or try and make sure my arms are always moving so they won't have the oppotunity to see.

And when they're not scars but actual recent cuts then I can't stand them privately or (especially) publicly.

phia · Post by **phia** » Sat Dec 24, 2005 1:54 am

In my years of constant SI, I found places on my body that didn't really scar. 4 years later, most have flattened out and aren't really noticeable unless you're close to my legs. I think they're beautiful, though. I just can't separate myself from my past, right? In AA we say to always remember your last drunk, because it will make you never want to go back to drinking and using. I feel the same way with my scars. They are a part of me and who I am today.

Sky · Post by **Sky** » Sat Dec 24, 2005 8:43 am

For the longest time I was super paranoid about the ones that I couldn't cover with short or 3/4 sleves, like the ones on my forearms and the horrible ones on my wrists. I was terrified that people would judge me before they knew me and I couldn't hang out with the "cool people" if they knew I was sick.

But then something crazy happened. I work for the city through a class at school, doing GPS/GIS mapping of things like the fire hydrants and the historic district and things like that, and this year, this past summer, we started mapping the historic cemetary. I got closer to the two other people I mapped with, and they both are a couple of my closest friends now. And I realized that it was ok to be me around them. I stopped wearing my wristbands (eventually the awful tan line went away) and I never had to answer any questions.

I still keep the ones on my upper arms covered with short sleeves, because I still cut there sometimes, but only every now and then and only when I really need it. I sort of feel indifferent about my scars. I mean, they're a nuisence(sp?) sometimes when I want to do something sleeveless, and it gets hot in the summer in only jeans. But I'm not ashamed of them. They'll always be a part of me now, and that's just something I'll have to deal with and work around.

jaded melody · Post by **jaded melody** » Sat Dec 24, 2005 11:53 am

My scars are in noticeable places - on my wrists, and a couple on the upper side of my arm, but because ive been SI free for 11 months now, the scars have faded a LOT. There are a few that look like they may well be there for years, one in particular maybe forever, but mostly they are barely noticeable.

One time somebody id just met caught a glimpse and she grabbed my arm and looked at them hard, then looked me in the eye with this "tut tut you shouldnt be doing that" look and then never spoke of it again. It was the most bizarre and uncomfortable experience ever except maybe when my mum notices. My policy is basically to not talk about it and brush off comments.

But if somebody really asked I dont know what id do because it hasnt happened. Im not ashamed of them really, but it embarasses me because i feel exposed if people notice. But I dont care that much, and i dont keep them covered up any more, mainly because i hardly ever even notice them myself. Im grateful they are where they are and have faded so much.

Addygrl · Post by **Addygrl** » Mon Dec 26, 2005 8:12 am

I dont' have many scars, the only one that is usually uncovered, on my wrist, doesn't look at all like it was from SI, so no one ever notices that one. The ones on my leg are rarely seen, and I've just come up with lame (but somehow believable excuses) for them, such as...I had a gardening accident involving a shovel....

. Still, I really have this odd kind of love for my scars. Whenever I see them I like to feel the bumps that they made on my skin and they give me a feeling of comfort. Somehow, they make me feel a bit calmer and more in control and connect me more to myself. I'm so scared about them fading, especially since I've made a commitment to stop with SI. It will be 2 months in 2 days, and I'm doing everything I can not to slip, but I don't know how I'll keep going when the scars start to fade. I am really afraid of my family seeing the leg ones, since they know about the SI, and I'm afraid they'd be horrified by the severity (not that they're that severe, but just that they were bad enough to leave a scar at all). Its sort of a catch 22, but oh well. I'm really hoping I'll get to the point where I'll actually want the scars to leave. Until now I'll just try to keep from adding to the collection

Addy

Frozen · Post by **Frozen** » Tue Dec 27, 2005 9:06 pm

i dont hide them per se, but ill wear long sleeves at school if i can anbd such. My parents never say anything, and none of my firneds really do - except the few who know just about everything.
Erm of the ones on my arns, only the burns are obvious, and when people ask "i burnt myseklf" seems to be enough for them.
My only problem is swimming and stuff asd theres no logical explanation for scars on tummy/ hips. There have been VERY awkward situartions. I just tend to say that it was something that happened ages ago, and i dont talk about it.

people who know about my SI, well ill just shrug.

palavergirl · Post by **palavergirl** » Tue Dec 27, 2005 9:14 pm

At times i am ashamed and self-concious of my scars so i cover them up by wearing long sleeves... at school i constantly wear my wool school jumper even in summer when its really hot because i am paranoid of what my friends and other people might say... deep down i dont want to be judged by those who don't understand si

Elfgirl · Post by **Elfgirl** » Tue Dec 27, 2005 10:20 pm

I don't think I have any scars from SI, but when it's noticeable I SI'd, I'm often pretty ashamed..it sort of sends the message that I SI for attention which I don't, so I don't want to have anyone see it..SI is one of he issues I'm least open about (and I am very open in general) and tha tincludes any form in which it'd be visible.

kcubrats · Post by **kcubrats** » Thu Jan 05, 2006 10:00 am

i have fresh scars right now...a little one, which seems to be fading quickly...and a big one, which is a bruise rather than a scar, it makes me feel grossed out, ashamed, anxious and afraid, i want it to fade asap...
the very first scars are way too faded to even be noticed...

Copasetic · Post by **Copasetic** » Fri Jan 13, 2006 10:22 pm

I'm kind of ashamed of them I guess... I keep them hidden as much as possible at all times. If someone notices and asks, I panic right away and fumble around for excuses. It's hard for me to deal with the fact that others can even see them I guess, because it's such a personal matter.

However, I'm also somehow really fascinated with them. I hate them, but I love looking at them? Does that make sense? I used to count scars all the time... I still do from time to time. I find it strangely alluring to find one that I thought had disappeared, but it still slightly there. I don't know if that makes me weird...

lay-z punk · Post by **lay-z punk** » Sat Jan 14, 2006 1:21 pm

brief drug refernce-

I am overly ashamed over my scars. Or at least extremely conscious about them. Only my parents really see some of them when I take my shirt off in the house on hot days. I guess my brothers may have seen some of them, but it is definitely ackward.
A chick was getting touchy feely during class on 4/20 and well, being the stoner I am, I was appropriately baked in class and well I haven't a problem with her rubbing my nipples 4.2 times in a quaint observation of the special day, but when my sleeve came up to my shoulder I freaked. I had been pleasantly roasted and aroused, but that placed me back in a sullen mood with my head resting on my arms almost hugging the table very quickly. Surprise for her, and a hard shock for me, but the rest of the class period I continued to be distractedly occuppied.

Living in Hawaii, since I discovered SI, I haven't hit the beach in a hell of a long time, considering the opportunity I would otherwise have taken advantage of.

beautiful_facade · Post by **beautiful_facade** » Sun Jan 15, 2006 4:40 pm

Sometimes i am ashamed of them. i choose not to hide them, except around some members of my family, or from the elderly people i work with.
They are part of me. They are extensive and ugly, but part of me. Sometimes i feel pride, but usually when i am feeling low.
i have never met anyone with scars as bad as mine, and mental health professionals christened me the queen of self harm from the age of 18...pride seeps in sometimes.
Oftened saddened by them.
Feel resignation.
Occasionally anger.

*shrugs*

littleangelgirl

ebmcs · Post by **ebmcs** » Mon Jan 16, 2006 12:40 am

Yeah. You can't really tell what they are from. But I know, and sometimes when all is going fine I will look at them and it's just a reminder of how sad and broken parts of me are. And that just brings me down... it's hard.

They don't bother me so much as they sadden me. And I want to do it again so much, but then I don't want more scars. And then I know that it just creates more problems and solves nothing, but still, it's my "opium," my addiction, my thorn in the flesh. There. Just there, so often. I've gone nearly a month now? But I'm losing resolve.

Callisto · Post by **Callisto** » Sun Jan 29, 2006 5:21 am

Skyeler wrote:The only time I care about people seeing them are when they're new.

that statement above pretty much sums up my feelings

i only care about them when they are new because then ppl can ask questions and lecture and stuff

old ones ppl dont tend to ask about

bus

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