Before--Schoolwork is stressing me out!!

[Callista]

It's nearing the end of the winter semester; and I have one week to do what amounts to half a semester's work. I feel like I'm fighting a losing battle; because I've been lazy lately and done everything but schoolwork, and I don't know if I could even do a normal amount of schoolwork, much less catch up now. So for the past two or three days I've been fighting urges to SI, just because I feel like I deserve it...

how will this situation or feeling change if i hurt myself?
It won't.

what will hurting myself bring to the situation? what will it take away from the situation?
I might feel better about things.

how do i want to feel about this in the long run? is hurting myself likely to get me closer to or farther from feeling that way?
What I want to do is figure out how to get myself motivated again. SI isn't going to change that, one way or the other.

if hurting myself seems like my best option right now, how long will the relief it brings last? what will i do then?
The relief will last... oh, about half an hour. After that, I'd probably just go back to being depressed and lazy again.

what is something i could do now instead of hurting myself? how will it change the situation i'm in? how long will that change last, and what will i do then?
I'm thinking about going outside and taking a walk. It's awfully cold, though. I hope it won't frustrate me even more; and of course taking a walk would stop me from doing schoolwork I need to be doing. And I need to clean up my dorm room; which I have to do before I do any schoolwork anyway, because I can't concentrate if I do it... I guess those efforts would have about a one-in-ten chance of working; and maybe I'd be able to work for about a day before I gave up and got lazy again and tried to sleep for about fifteen hours.

how will i feel tomorrow if i hurt myself? how will i feel tomorrow if i do the other thing i came up with?
About the same--unless I manage to actually do some schoolwork. If I do that, I'll probably feel better about myself for a day or so. Of course, the lack of guilt will also prompt me to be lazy for about three more days as a "reward".

what do i really want to do right now? how can i best honor the self-protective instinct that has me wanting to self-injure right now?
I think I'm gonna take a shower and clean up my room and get some dinner...

Why do I feel I need to hurt myself? What has brought me to this point?
When I feel pain, I feel like I'm fighting rather than just being pulled along helplessly. So it would help me feel control over the situation.

Have I been here before? What did I do to deal with it? How did I feel then?
Mostly, I just gave in. Sometimes I just waited 'till something else distracted me. In either case, nothing really changed.

What I have done to ease this discomfort so far? What else can I do that won't hurt me?
Well, does sleeping for thirteen hours count? A lot of substitutes I have are just as damaging to my education as SI. Sometimes I figure I'd better just cut and get it over with; that only takes half an hour, as opposed to sleeping or goofing off for a whole day. Not that I mightn't sleep or goof off after Si'ing anyway.

How do I feel right now?
Still frustrated, but at least I have a plan of action now.

How will I feel when I am hurting myself?
Relieved. Temporarily.

How will I feel after hurting myself? How will I feel tomorrow morning?
Same as now.

Can I avoid this stressor, or deal with it better in the future?
Can't avoid it, and if I actually deal with doing schoolwork better in the future it'll be a miracle.

Do I need to hurt myself?
Nope. But temporary relief is better than doing something REALLY stupid. I mean, I have to live, just in case something horrible would happen that I could've prevented... if I totally give up, then I might just run out in front of a truck like I've been planning. I'll pick SI rather than suicide every time, though. So far. Scary thought.

Oh, well, guys, let's hope I can get out of this funk I'm in... this whole "my life is totally hopeless and how the heck am I ever going to have ANY future without a college degree" deal is getting old, fast.

[balletomane]

Oh my, I could have written that myself.

One thing that helps me when I am feeling really behind on my work is to choose one small, easy task and start with that. It sort of helps me regain confidence, and certainly it reduces stress. It also helps to try to focus on the task at hand rather than thinking about all of the work you have to do.

Is there anyone you can get to help you with your work? Sometimes having someone there helps me to focus.

Good luck. PM me if you want to talk.