read me --REPLY-- to me

[userfreindly]

indeed here i am posting my life upon the internet

i have been cutting myself for two years and it seems i am getting no closer to stoping , i get lonley realy easy . i have a boyfriend who i adore and her adores me we are best friends and cant keep are hands off eackother. lately ive been walking to his house late at night when i get realy depressed even after ive just seen him.. but thats mostly because my best friend tasha died a month and a half ago..

me and my boyfriend do realy love eachother but her cant understand and i tell him that and he always responds " explain it to me" and he tells me that it kills him and that i should think about him before i do it, and i do but it dousnt stop me.. or whatever.. he used to sut himself to but his was different he did it cause he thought girls thought scars were cool opr something like that, so when we first starting going out i thought he would ubnderstand,.. or i secretly hoped i could keep cutting myself but as soon as we started going out it wasnt like that... its a good thing we started going out a year and a few months ago, i dont know what i wouls do withoiut him, plus i was in a realy deep depression i diodnt want to come out of and was thinking of killing myself ...,.

i remember the first time i went back to tashas house after she died, i started to walk toward the house and did exacly what i thought i would do turn around and smoke half a joint.. i sat at the table at the elementry school for a while try with all my might not to cry or think about all the timers ive sat at the park with tasha...
i turned around and walked toward the house, i was gonna walk right past it but i thought i saw tashas mom outside, so i walked toward the people, i cried and she walked me inside.. tashas mom was on the other side of the door wraped in a blanket... it was obne of the hardest things ive ever had to do, walk to the door and have tashas mom waiting for me instead of her. we went upstairs...
but it was a realy good thing going there, she would say things about tasha and smile, or smile when i said things about tasha, and that helped me, it was also hard going in her room, tashas mom had taken her binders from the school and on the binder it said carla owns natasha, and the binder was all wet because the week before she set off the fire alwarms .. haha she was gonna be charged woth mischief... but anyways...

it all SUCKs , and thats about all i have to say,.. exspect more stories of my pathetic trying to stop cuttingmyselfness....
_________________

[Aly]

Hey love,

First off, welcome to bus -- I hope you find what you'rte looking for here...

Wow, it sounds like stuff is hard on you right now....

I dotn have many words at all right now, but if you wanna tlk more just PM me...

Also, if you want more replies you could post this on main also...just a thought...

Take care of urself -- u deserve to

DirtyMagicalAly

[fairychick]

HI
im a newbie here myself. and so far...i have gotten nothing but care and support here. the thing i like about here is i dont feel 'forced' to post.

you really have alot on your plate right now. one bite at a time i really hope things get better for you soon!

*comfort* & ((hugs)) to you. if hugs ok?

[Koru]

That sounds really hard.
Not sure what I can say but I wanted you to know that I'd read. Like someone else suggested, if you want more replies you can post on main, there are more people there usually and there maybe someone who has been in a similar position to you and can maybe relate.
Take care of yourself

[toXic]

all i can say is you've come to the right place! bus is great if you feel lonely a lot, because that's how i was and it's not so bad anymore keep up the posting, and there's even a forum with some neat games and stuff to keep you occupied when you're bored... if you ever need to talk PM me or add me to msn, i'm always willing to chat a bunch