Before

[Athemistia]

How will this situation or feeling change if i hurt myself?
The situation wont change. The feeling will be calmer.

What will hurting myself bring to the situation? What will it take away from the situation?
It will bring pissed off and concerned friends. Even if I hide it they always find out. It will take away this anger that I dont know how to cope with.

How do i want to feel about this in the long run? Is hurting myself likely to get me closer to or farther from feeling that way?
It probably wont make any difference in the long run. A few more scars makes no difference.

If hurting myself seems like my best option right now, how long will the relief it brings last? What will i do then?
The relief will last long enough to allow me to be calm enough to sleep. That is all I want right now. But I'll still be angry about this tomorrow.

What is something i could do now instead of hurting myself? How will it change the situation i'm in? How long will that change last, and what will i do then?
I could watch a movie. I could call Jo I know she wont mind me waking her, but I dont want to. I need to talk this out but Ive already talked to all the people I could talk to.

How will i feel tomorrow if i hurt myself? how will i feel tomorrow if i do the other thing i came up with?
I'll feel weird cos I'll have to hide a dressing in my drama class. And Ill probably be even more stressed and snappy than I would be anyway. If I do the other thing I will feel like I had more willpower.

What do i really want to do right now? how can i best honor the self-protective instinct that has me wanting to self-injure right now?
What I really want is to call Niki and yell at her. A lot. But I should wait till Im calmer and email her back in a mature and sensible way.


Why do I feel I need to hurt myself? What has brought me to this point?
Because Nikis made me so angry because she twisted all my words and insulted me, even though I know she didnt mean to hurt me. Ive been getting angry at myself all week after Sunday, and the fact I have no control over the things I most want control over.

Have I been here before? What did I do to deal with it? How did I feel then?
Ive been in places very similar to this. Last time I cut. Or drank.

What I have done to ease this discomfort so far? What else can I do that won't hurt me?
I talked to my Mum. And Simon. I could write about it.


How do I feel right now?
Angry. Insulted. Violent.


How will I feel when I am hurting myself?
Calmer. Letting it out.

How will I feel after hurting myself? How will I feel tomorrow morning?
I will feel calm. Anoyed cos I have to get a dressing wet in the bath. Waste of dressing. I'll feel no less angry.

Can I avoid this stressor, or deal with it better in the future?
No I cant really avoid this. Im already dealing with it best I can.

Do I need to hurt myself?
No. But its not a need. Its a want. Yes Im a spoiled immature fucking little child.

[Aly]

Okay then...

It will take away this anger that I dont know how to cope with

Ive been getting angry at myself all week after Sunday

Okay, so to address issues of anger, could you do anything that would help in the long run. I have issues with anger and am looking into doing starting a physical, aggresive sport -- like kickboxing. Would this be an option for you? Or something that would help?

I need to talk this out but Ive already talked to all the people I could talk to.

You can PM me if you want to get something out...Or do what you suggested doing later on....write about it.

or write a reply to this Niki, and angry one, and maybe it will help deal with the anger, you dont have to send it, but it might help to get everything out now to her?

Do I need to hurt myself?
No. But its not a need. Its a want. Yes Im a spoiled immature fucking little child

Just because we want something, doesnt mean we're spoilt....
Wanting to si is allowed, its okay. Siing is, but...from this post I think you see that it wont solve anything, apart from your immediate need for calmness....
Is there any other way you can achieve this? Playing calming music? Or any other coping mechanisms you can think of?


Take care of yourself -- you deserve to...

DirtyMagicalAly