when people make jokes...

Scatterbrain · Post by **Scatterbrain** » Sat Oct 15, 2005 8:28 pm

Yesterday I was golfing with a few of the girls on my team. One girl had a crappy shot, and was like "I'm gunna go cut my wrists now". It was obvious that she was kidding, and I got that, but I just froze. It was the feeling what your heart just stops, and you cant think about anything else. Nobody on the team knows that I used to SI, but I just kinda flipped out... I told her not to joke about that, and she didnt the rest of the day. The problem was that I couldnt get the image of me SIing out of my head for the next 3 holes. I was playing really bad, b/c I couldnt concentrate on what I was doing... This has happened a couple times before when people have mentioned SI or just joked about it. Is this reaction normal, or am I flipping out for no reason? How do I stop flipping out every time someone mentions that? Also, could it have anything to do with my panic attacks in anyway? Thanks for all of your help. I dont know where I would be if I hadnt found this site... I am grateful for all of your help!

~Megan

kickingmyself · Post by **kickingmyself** » Sat Oct 15, 2005 10:08 pm

I always manage to put on my 'normal-everything-is-ok-face' when people mention SH, but inside I'm always screaming at them. I get really wound up when people start making sweeping judgements, calling those who SH selfish etc, but I've perfected my cool exterior so they can't tell and I just manage to release my angst by having imaginary arguments in my head with them afterwards! You're reaction is normal in the respect that it's a topic that is personally very emotive to you and brings up all kinds of memories and feelings, just like someone else might get a bit funny about the topic of death if they've just lost someone. Don't know about your panic attacks though, you haven't said what they're triggered by.

Anyway, those are my thoughts, not sure if that's at all helpful!!

GlassWings · Post by **GlassWings** » Sat Oct 15, 2005 11:20 pm

You didn't overreact at all, SI is serious and it seems that so many people don't see that. I've had friends make joke or apply it to the "emo" stereotype a lot. I always make a point of showing my distaste... I even had a friend who constantly threatened self-injury for attention's sake! >___< Luckily she stopped after I hinted angrily about my own experience (though, she's pretty dense, not sure if she got it)

Forget Me · Post by **Forget Me** » Sun Oct 16, 2005 2:21 am

yeah. it used to freak me out, but now it doesnt. i have to admit that i am guilty of making jokes sometimes. i dont know why, but its one of those things that dont really phase me. the way i see it, if gay people can make gay jokes, i can make SI jokes. (sorry if that offends anyone, it was the first example that came into my mind)
what realy gets me os people saying things like "an, people who do that are so stupi, they just do it for attention." mostly because you cant try to educate them, they will just say that that proves their point. catch-22. good book, that.

of course, it is perfectly normal for you to get freaked out when people make jokes. i dont think it would be directly linke to your panic attacks, but maybe subconciously you are used to reacting with panic, and that could be why you lost concentration.

plantt · Post by **plantt** » Sun Oct 16, 2005 4:50 am

Is this reaction normal, or am I flipping out for no reason?
--what is it that's causing you to flip out about it? eg. are you concerned that maybe she's more serious than she's sounding? do you think that everyone is looking at you when those comments come up? etc

onlypurples · Post by **onlypurples** » Sun Oct 16, 2005 2:17 pm

I do one of two things:
1. Set them straight and talk about how stupid it is to make jokes like that. I explain I have done research on this in college (when I truly have and to quite an extent!) and we talk about it. I can talk about SI with a straight face and just talk about the facts. I learned how to do this through multiple presentations and through be questioned about this topic during presentations.
2. Blow it off. Sometimes it isn't even worth my words to say anything. They won't listen sometimes, so I just give up and move on and remember that people only make jokes out of stupidity/ ignorance.

Scatterbrain · Post by **Scatterbrain** » Mon Oct 17, 2005 6:03 am

plantt wrote:Is this reaction normal, or am I flipping out for no reason?
--what is it that's causing you to flip out about it? eg. are you concerned that maybe she's more serious than she's sounding? do you think that everyone is looking at you when those comments come up? etc

Ya, it does kinda seem like everyone is looking at me when those kind of subjects come up. The idea is really irrational though, since only like 7 people know about my SIing... I also get really uncomfortable when suicide, underage drinking, and those other "touchy" topics come up in conversations or even on tv. I dont know why I get all wierd about that, I guess its just me... There have also been a few times when a person actually does sound serious. I have been able to deal with that by keeping an eye on them, and keeping that thought in the back of my mind at all times when I am with them...
But, I really dont know why I think that everyone is looking at me when those things come up. I know they are not, but I cant help but look away and hide whatever feelings might run across my face... Hopefully this impulse will go away soon...

About the panic attacks... They are usually triggered by something having to do with the things that have happened in my past... Last spring I had about 6 over the course of a week, b/c several people saw my scars. They didnt connect the scars with anything, and they actually believed my story that it was my cat... So, I didnt even really have anything tangible to freak out about then either. I guess it is just the feelings, and the thoughts about what could happen.
Sorry this is so fragmented. It been a really long weekend, and I need to go to bed...

~Megan

plantt · Post by **plantt** » Mon Oct 17, 2005 4:18 pm

*nods* i've had times when things were mentioned & i instantly felt like i'd been dyed neon green & everyone was staring at me. it's hard when jokes are made & they manage to be uncomfortably close to current or past behaviors.

i think... sometimes 'jokes' truly are more serious than they come across.

one thing you could do is ask. 'you know... often when people joke about suicide it means they've been thinking about it themself. have you?' don't go on & on about it... just get across that it concerns you that she brings that up. if she truly means it as *only* a joke... eventually she might learn that you're not going to take it as such & she might stop mentioning it around you. if she's more serious than she's letting on... she might understand that you're concerned about her & find someone to talk with about it.

Jia · Post by **Jia** » Thu Oct 20, 2005 1:27 pm

I don't think it's unnormal the way you react. I have reacted like that many times, while other times, I don't mind at all. It's just different, and whatever way you react, that is okay, and just your way. There is no right or wrong way, good or stupid.

Take care

Anactoria · Post by **Anactoria** » Thu Oct 20, 2005 8:55 pm

Oh wow... I hear jokes like this SO often.

I'm in colorguard and we spin sabres, so this girl who often drops it on her wrists will often joke about how people think she cuts herself- and she says this all the time, so sometimes I'm not even sure if it's a joke.

Also, a few friends of mine love making refrences to 'those emo, cutter kids...' and I'm just like...... yeah. I kind of don't really acknowledge it. That kind of helps, I guess. But it still makes me a bit panicky if the subject suddenly comes up without warning.

SpecialBlend · Post by **SpecialBlend** » Sat Oct 22, 2005 11:30 pm

I always shiver when people make jokes about SI and SU. I usually just dont aknowledge it, and sometimes people get the hint that I dont find it funny at all

t_k · Post by **t_k** » Wed Oct 26, 2005 7:32 am

I always joke about it myself... For me that's my defense against it. I give as good as other people with the SI jokes and they don't question me and I feel sort of immune to it.

I don't think you reaction was unusual, it can be a very sensitive topic. It's just because I'm weird that subtle comments don't get to me.

dbms · Post by **dbms** » Fri Oct 28, 2005 3:05 am

Jokes make me uncomfortable. Mostly because they hit so close to home. I am afraid my reaction may give something away. You know it's sort of like being in church. I always thought the minister was speaking about or to to me. Not that he wouldn't have had good reason to as I usually was the one leaving a bug or two in the collection plate. It's the same with jokes, I feel / fear that people can see right through me into something I'd rather not have public.

Usually I put on my best poker face so as not to give anything away. Occassionally, if I'm concerned, I'll talk to the joker to make certain they are ok and were in reality joking.

what_if · Post by **what_if** » Fri Oct 28, 2005 10:42 am

SpecialBlend wrote:I always shiver when people make jokes about SI and SU. I usually just dont aknowledge it, and sometimes people get the hint that I dont find it funny at all

Exactly the same for me

In_Retrospect · Post by **In_Retrospect** » Sun Nov 06, 2005 11:36 pm

My mom jokes about it all the time even though she knows I SI. I guess she does it to deflect the seriousness but even though I tell her how much it hurts me she does it anyway.

Spottedleaf · Post by **Spottedleaf** » Thu Nov 10, 2005 8:36 am

My dad just found out, and he jokes about it because he's out of his element and uneasy, but still...

and even when people are like "You out here with longs sleeves AND a jacket, you must be ROASTING!" And I get this feeling of stomach clenching terror, as if they're asking me to roll up my sleeves...

ancient mariner · Post by **ancient mariner** » Thu Nov 10, 2005 11:57 am

bigred3739 wrote:Yesterday I was golfing with a few of the girls on my team. One girl had a crappy shot, and was like "I'm gunna go cut my wrists now".

Since my friend told me she SIed I can't say no more things like these and I feel uncomfortable when I hear other people joking this way!

even if I know they don't do it on purpose (to hurt me, I mean, or to joke about my friend...).

Last week one of my students asked me if I had tried to cut my wrist as I had a scar on my arm...I froze, too. But I know it wouldn't have been such a problem 2 months ago, when I still didn't know NOTHING about SI...I think people don't do it intentionally (most of the time, at least)...they just don't think about it

Surly · Post by **Surly** » Thu Nov 10, 2005 12:09 pm

Yeah... I can brush off jokes when Im in an ok mood, and sometimes I make light jokes about it myself - some times I dont want to dwell on the seriousness of it..

But a few weeks ago, me and my mates were being annoyed but these younger kids, who wouldnt leave us alone. One of my friends had a long scar on her arm, where she broke it. They all started pointing to it and asking if it was sh. I absolutely froze up - they had already driven me to breaking point with their comments ((they were being malicious, not just innocently annoying)). They saw me freeze, and they knew they'd hit a raw nerve, so they started on me, asking if I did it, etc. And then... I found I couldnt handle the joke. I got rid of them though.

Skellig · Post by **Skellig** » Thu Nov 10, 2005 4:10 pm

My tutor said something very similar to your friend in tutorial today, I'd have thought she'd have been more aware of such issues - espesially as she is a health proffetional.

Scatterbrain · Post by **Scatterbrain** » Fri Nov 11, 2005 3:36 am

Spottedleaf wrote: and even when people are like "You out here with longs sleeves AND a jacket, you must be ROASTING!" And I get this feeling of stomach clenching terror, as if they're asking me to roll up my sleeves...

Good, I'm glad I'm not the only one who has that reaction to those kind of comments... I always get that stomach feeling when people used to/still do comment on my sleeves. All my scars are gone now (it will be 6 months on the 15th since I have last cut), but I still get scared when people mention it... I hope this reaction goes away.

~Megan

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