Haven't been here awhile. need advice/help *trig*

[dystortedpoet32]

I'm sorry but I have no where else to turn... the one person that seems to understand can't help me nor can I help her because we are going through the exact same thing, well pretty close, the only difference is that people think she's stopped.

Ok so it all started the day before halloween. I got so upset at a customer that I...




**Trig** took a blade from the office and went to the bathroom. I did it bad enough to the point of I had to wear someone else's jacket because I bled through my sleeve. Well, an employee noticed and told my manager, and other co-workers/friends told her what was going on... just like that I am a "cutter" and that lead to her telling the manager of the store and he talked to me on halloween telling me I can get help. Make a long story short.... everyone knows about me, my friend and my other friend. I'm pretty sure that they think that the other two people have stopped, and I'm the only one that still does it. I was afraid that people would start walking on eggshells around me, even though my one manager promised she wouldn't, but she has. The thing that I just can't get my head around is everyone knowing that I cut... and it seems that all they can do is talk about it behind my back and never try to see my reasoning.... and! they act like it's just all of the sudden. I've done this for awhile, so I don't understand why it should be any different. I need help in dealing with this and I just don't know what to do. I have no one to talk to because like I said the only person that knows what I'm feeling can't help me either. Thank you for whoever reads this and I hope it wasn't too confusing.

[Alethea]

(if hugs are okay)
I'm sorry that happened.

The thing that I just can't get my head around is everyone knowing that I cut... and it seems that all they can do is talk about it behind my back and never try to see my reasoning....

Do you know that they are talking behind your back or do you feel like they are because it bothers you that they know? (I can see myself thinking that.)
I'm sorry I don't really have any advice for you .
But I wanted you to know I read and I care.
Can you try to explain your reasoning to your coworkers - or at least to maybe some you feel more comfortable with or your manager? Maybe that could help them understand a little better.
I hope things get better for you. Feel free to PM me if you want.
~Alethea

[mallie]

If they have only just found out, for them it is all of a sudden. They're having to incorporate something new they've learnt about you into the opinions they already have, and that isn't always easy. You say you don't want people walking on eggshells around you, but if they are it is probably that they are trying their best to be sensetive to your issues. People don't always know how to react, and usually do the best they can.

Are you able to talk to any of these people? Explaining your point of view so that they can understand a bit more could help you and them be more comfortable. Other than that, giving it time to settle down, for people to realise that just because you cut, doesn't mean you're different to person they knew before. Even if it feels everyone knows and is talking about you, just remember that gossip and such always dies down with time.

Just one more thing - if you're getting so upset about customers that you end up SI-ing to that point, it sounds like you need to work on some strategies for staying safe while you're at work. Have you thought of a making a safety plan in case you feel that way at work again?