Before

[NobodyToYou]

how will this situation or feeling change if i hurt myself?
Nothing will change in the situation, but I will be better able to deal with it. I will be able to focus a bit more, feel a bit less out of control. I may actually have less control, but I will feel like I have more.

what will hurting myself bring to the situation? what will it take away from the situation?
Bring- Calmness, space, a little disconnection. Take away- self respect (seems to be a short supply of that already), hope to be "normal".

how do i want to feel about this in the long run? is hurting myself likely to get me closer to or farther from feeling that way?
I want to feel nothing in the long run. But since that doesn't seem possible, I would settle for feeling nothing now...except that I know this is a bad choice. Just can't see why at the moment...but still know SI would be a bad choice.

if hurting myself seems like my best option right now, how long will the relief it brings last? what will i do then?
I don't know. I would probably either SI again or be off work and be able to read a book or go to sleep.

what is something i could do now instead of hurting myself? how will it change the situation i'm in? how long will that change last, and what will i do then?
I am trying to type some things out and give myself a little bit of space. Unfortunantly, it doesn't seem to be helping much. Nothing seems to actually change the situation, and I am not sure the situation needs to change. I think the problem in internal and I don't know how to change that.

how will i feel tomorrow if i hurt myself? how will i feel tomorrow if i do the other thing i came up with?
I don't really have another thing to do. I don't want to SI, because I don't want to go back where I was 6 months ago. I have been doing so well in some ways. But...the thought keeps coming back and I am not doing as well fighting it now as I did before. As far as I can tell, tomorrow I will either still be struggling with the same thougths and feelings, or the thoughts will get a bit worse. No matter what I do...by tomorrow, the problem will be back. But I could have a bit of peace today if I SIed...just don't know what it will cost later on.

what do i really want to do right now? how can i best honor the self-protective instinct that has me wanting to self-injure right now?
I really need to find something else that will help. But I am at a loss what I can do. I guess I will keep trying to distract myself and focus on my work. But it is getting very hard...This is not healthy. Just don't know how to get to healthy right now.

[Poppies]

Hello...

I'm sorry it's tough... you posted a few hours ago - I hope you're okay, and feeling better!

If you're still struggling, would it help to go and do something just for you? A bath or shower... rub cream/lotion into your skin? Nurture your skin and take care of you?

Or maybe make yourself your favourite snack or drink.... something just for you?

I hope you feel better soon, if you don't already!

[NobodyToYou]

I didn't make it very long after I wrote the Before. If I have time I may do the After questions later.
The part that made it extra difficult for me was that I was at work in a very stressful situation, so I couldn't get away from it. Probably just needed some mental distance but I was having trouble doing that.
SI worked quite well and I was able to get through the rest of the day without any more. In a lot of ways it would be better if it didn't work so well...
I will be working on keeping myself from getting so involved in stuff at work (boundaries!!!!) and will look for small things that I can do at work that will help.

[Poppies]

I will be working on keeping myself from getting so involved in stuff at work (boundaries!!!!) and will look for small things that I can do at work that will help.

That sounds good! Sometimes those little things can add up to bigger things, if that makes sense! Just small steps!