don't know who i am....

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anyone can offer support of anykind, advice, or suggestions it would be greatly appreciated....

alright...i don't know if it's me, the depression, or borderline personality disorder causing all of this...well, something that's been bothering me lately is the way i see myself...i see myself as not very attractive because i am not thin enough...i'm in the right range for height and weight..but i feel i need to lose weight, and my stomach needs to be soooooo flat...i do things Eating Disorder related, but this isn't really about Eating Disorder...it's also, i feel like i want to be Goth again...just wear all dark clothing (i used too, but not REALLY all that stuff a few years ago)...but lately i went to the mall, and now i see all these fashion freaks...esp women who are taller than me and skinnier...i want to be like them, and dress like them.....i don't know who, what i should be....

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[tattybluetrees]

Hi.

If you have BPD then anxiety, uncertainty and instability in personal image can go with that. So it might be that.

On the other hand, I suspect that quite a lot of people occasionally have moments where they decide to change the way they look.

You talk about your weight. Are you tempted to restrict food badly? Is this triggering an existent ED? Because if so that's a problem and something you need to deal with, and think about. Do you have someone you could talk to about it?

If not, then could you maybe run with it for a while? I have sudden urges to dress up as someone else and they usually last between three weeks and two months and then I get bored. It means I look... interesting... but it doesn't really cause much harm. If it worries you then is there any way you could compromise with yourself?

On the other hand not knowing who you should be and who you are really sucks, and is something I give you my wholehearted sympathy for. I suspect that this is something which you can only deal with long term. Slowly erroding that uncertainty. The aim is to be yourself, I guess, but I I haven't yet wworked out how you get to be that when you don't know who yu are.

What I'm trying to say, I suppse, is that I don't have an easy answer for you, but I sympathise, because I feel pretty uncertain this way myself and its rubbish.

Sorry if this was the wrong answer...

Take care.

Tatty

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hi tatty thanks for replyin..

On the other hand not knowing who you should be and who you are really sucks, and is something I give you my wholehearted sympathy for. I suspect that this is something which you can only deal with long term. Slowly erroding that uncertainty. The aim is to be yourself, I guess, but I I haven't yet wworked out how you get to be that when you don't know who yu are.

yeah i don't think it's the ED problems...and i don't think it's the once in awhile i just change looks...cuz one of my best friends already told me once that i keep changing my looks...it's more of what u said about..i don't know who i am...and i feel like wanting to dress Goth again (but moreso than before) has do with my depression, and my bpd, and mood...but then when i see young women, thin and all fashion looking i want to be like them....i don't know why...it's like i've been into fashion but not to the extent that i feel i'm heading towards...like i like to buy stuff at the cheapest stores and stuff at expensive dept store only if they are a good on sale price...but now, being on several shopping sprees lately...i just think maybe i should just buy the real expensive stuff so then i wouldn't have to keep shopping, cuz though i like the stuff i buy they aren't as fashion expensive look...i don't know what i'm saying...

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[plantt]

ideally what sorts of qualities would you like to have? what characteristics do you like about yourself?