After

[Not_what]

have you taken care of your physical wounds? if not, go do that now. we'll wait.

Yeah, in a way.

what had happened just before?

I was just sat, posting on bus. nothing in particular had happened. I'd been out for a meal (pizza hut) with my ex, and then to the pub.

what were you thinking and feeling?

I was just feeling so jam packed with nothingness, with lowness. I coulnt feel anything other than the way I've been dealing with things and letting things get to me was stupid, and everything was stupid, and nothing mattered.

why did you end up hurting yourself then instead of some other time? was there an event that was the final straw? what was it?

I dont know what the final straw was, maybe all the anger that's been building up for weeks that I haven't let out was finally coming to a head. I was so frustrated with myself. I was thinking how I've been doing at college, and it took off from there.

how did the situation get to the final straw stage? trace it back through the events that led up to the last event. look for some point at which you could have made a different decision and not arrived at the final straw.

I should have just gone to bed like I was going to, rather than sit and mill about it.

were there outside factors like drugs, alsohol, being off your meds, lack of sleep, etc? can you address those in the future? how?

I'd had a couple of drinks, and had eaten a pizza hut and purged. I know I need to not drink alcohol when I'm feeling in a triggery way.

what other ways of coping did you try besides self-harm? how well did they work?

I didn't really try much, I read a couple of books, but that just seemed to save the moment, and make me, almost, cherish that final moment. I also read through the book I made for situations like that, but again, it just prolonged the time it took before I did.

in retrospect, are there coping methods that you now realize might have helped? what were they?

maybe having somebody to talk to, and actually talking to them would have helped, but with it being 2am, there wasn't many people around.

name at least two things you will do to help yourself remember those coping methods if you end up in this situation again.

I'll just try and stick it out on bus until I'm tired enough to go to bed and fall asleep straight away

how do you feel about the situation that led to self-harm now? is it resolved? if not, what are some steps you might take toward resolution?
are you likely to be in that emotional place again? how will you recognize it when you're in that situation?

I dont know, I think the thoughts and feelings that led up to it are far from being resolved. I probably should go and see my doc, and also stay at places I know I'm going to be safer at. Im quite probably going to be in this situation again, and again, and again. I know it when I feel it rising in my chest

what will you try before you resort to self-harm if you're in that situation again? list three specific things you will commit to trying.

Play some kind of game
Read my emergency book
PM somebody

What made that opportunity more appealing than any other?

I had everything there, and it was late at night, nobody was around

Did you make an opportunity or was it there for the taking?

It was already there, but i definately helped create it earlier in the evening

What would you have done if there was no opportunity, how would you have handled your urge?

I would probably have SI'd in a different way, or waited until it was safe to

If there had been no opportunity would your urge to self-harm have increased or decreased?

it would have increased

What consitutes opportunity for you? Being alone? having new tools? waiting for the right feeling?

being alone mainly, but having my specific tool also.

If your opportunties were taken away, how would you feel?

i have no idea, id just feel......lost, more than anything, and agitated

[ChaseThisLight]

It sounds like you really have some good ways to try to not SI for next time. You said you should go see a doctor or be in a place that is safer...what is stopping you from doing that now? I'm glad you recognize that you'll be in this situation again, and perhaps you can learn from this experience and try some of the things you listed instead. Take care!

[Not_what]

Im too scared to go see my doctor, i dunno why, i just am. and whenever i try and make an appointment, there is never one available,

I know i need to have some good things in place, i just also know i wont use them

[Not_what]

im not sure

i think it could be that id rather si than try and stop myself, because then if i fail, i feel like ive failed again, and that it was stupid for trying and end up si-ing even worse.

i dont want to si, but i dont want to look like im trying to stop in case i fail, and feel like a fool. If that makes any sense.