sp mentions si, su
i already know i have boundary issues because i have been told time and time again that that is one of my pretty severe symptom having Borderline Personality Disorder...so basically i have a very difficult time opening up to people and even worse trusting them, cuz when i trust i trust that they will be there all the time and stuff...and when they aren't then i get extremely upset and rageful...at them, but mostly at myself because i trusted...i have a hard time expressing my emotions so i usually SI or do stuff that leads to hospitalization...parasuicidal things, or suicidal acts....
so recently, when i was out of the hospital i was so happy to be with my bf...he was gonna stay with me the whole week last wed til this mon, cuz i got out last wed...and so i was just so excited and happy to be out of the hospital, to be with him, and wanted to just stay up and have a good time...but he was tired that night, and i wasn't that tired so he wanted to go to sleep but i didn't want to yet (it was around 11:30pm)...and then i got all upset and angry at him, but mostly at my self for EXPECTING too much...so i cut myself...and i didn't know that he wasn't asleep yet...i threw the knife...and he heard and it was the first time he actually saw me hurt myself....he had seen the scars, and knew about the hospitalization and previous ones...he didn't know how to help me except to say if i was alright (we have only been going out for 4 months)...
anyways, he was able to deal with it....i thought he would be so pissed off at me or leave me...but i emailed him and he said he wouldn't and was pissed off at himself becuase he didn't know how to help me...
so anyways, how do i control my boundaries, and not to expect too much? or how do i deal with disappointment and when things don't go the way i want without feeling so emotionally charged and then cutting or doing somthing????
collide
boundaries issues...need some advice...etc
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kurdt_kobain
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I had the same problem as you for a while. I would constantly expect so much for others and when I didn't get what I wanted, I would be very angry for even expecting that anyone would care about me in the first place.
What changed? Well, let me first start off explaining a little bit of where I was coming from. I constantly craved this support from other people. I would daydream about someone who would come and take all of my problems away from me. I just wanted to be saved.
I met someone, then, who needed help more than I did. And I decided that if I ever wanted to be able to get over my problems, I was going to have to save myself.
I started by doing something so simple--but it was so hard for me to do. I began asking for help when I needed it. I would ask only for what I needed and I would struggle not to expect them to be able to read in between the lines.
Boundries are so much easier to extablish when you're content with things. Stay away from situations that make you unhappy. And the ones that pop up unexpectedly, well, have a back-up plan ready. Do you love popcorn? Ice cream? Have a treat for yourself. Do something good, no matter how hard it is.
Another trick I learned to stop SIing when I was so upset is to wait fifteen minutes. Your mood can only stay in an exreme for about fifteen minutes--after that it begins to equalize out and you'll slowly become calm. Your exreme anger won't last long. So wait those fifteen minutes. Force yourself to. And when you've done that and you want to SI still, force yourself to wait another fifteen. It honestly helps.
I realized that I didn't want to be unhappy anymore. And in just deciding that I didn't want to be that person, I was able to fix it.
Finding someone you can talk to who unconditionally cares about you might help. Do you have a friend who would always listen to you? Do you have a good relationship with your mom? Will your boyfriend help you? If you can find someone you can fall back on, good. Keep that person to fall back on.
Extablish a support system for yourself. And force yourself to take care of yourself, one step at a time.
Like, okay, the control over your boundries will come. When you begin to have more control over yourself, you'll gain more control over them. When you begin to expect more from yourself, you'll expect less from others.
It honestly worked for me.
Good luck.
What changed? Well, let me first start off explaining a little bit of where I was coming from. I constantly craved this support from other people. I would daydream about someone who would come and take all of my problems away from me. I just wanted to be saved.
I met someone, then, who needed help more than I did. And I decided that if I ever wanted to be able to get over my problems, I was going to have to save myself.
I started by doing something so simple--but it was so hard for me to do. I began asking for help when I needed it. I would ask only for what I needed and I would struggle not to expect them to be able to read in between the lines.
Boundries are so much easier to extablish when you're content with things. Stay away from situations that make you unhappy. And the ones that pop up unexpectedly, well, have a back-up plan ready. Do you love popcorn? Ice cream? Have a treat for yourself. Do something good, no matter how hard it is.
Another trick I learned to stop SIing when I was so upset is to wait fifteen minutes. Your mood can only stay in an exreme for about fifteen minutes--after that it begins to equalize out and you'll slowly become calm. Your exreme anger won't last long. So wait those fifteen minutes. Force yourself to. And when you've done that and you want to SI still, force yourself to wait another fifteen. It honestly helps.
I realized that I didn't want to be unhappy anymore. And in just deciding that I didn't want to be that person, I was able to fix it.
Finding someone you can talk to who unconditionally cares about you might help. Do you have a friend who would always listen to you? Do you have a good relationship with your mom? Will your boyfriend help you? If you can find someone you can fall back on, good. Keep that person to fall back on.
Extablish a support system for yourself. And force yourself to take care of yourself, one step at a time.
Like, okay, the control over your boundries will come. When you begin to have more control over yourself, you'll gain more control over them. When you begin to expect more from yourself, you'll expect less from others.
It honestly worked for me.
Good luck.
but it's a lot harder than it looks because even though
they had the same size feet as us, they weren't looking
down the whole time while they walked to make sure
they were doing it right.
[story people]
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