Secrets(inspired by PostSecret)-Please Stay Safe!

Kaelyn · Post by **Kaelyn** » Sat Sep 03, 2005 11:45 am

-I'm almost 22 and never had a boyfriend, I'm too scared to start a relationship just because I'm afraid I'll end up hurt anyway.

*SU*

-Its been over 8 years since I tried to kill myself. Everyone around me thinks I'm over it. Yet I keep wishing I would just die in my sleep. I keep making plans. I'm too afraid to tell them.

*end trig*

comments are fine -- PM

steady hands · Post by **steady hands** » Sun Sep 04, 2005 4:10 am

comments and PMs welcome

I hate myself

I think i'm fat

I want my softball coach to notice my cuts, so I can get help, but i'm too afraid of hurting the people around me, so I hurt myself instead

I wish I was beautiful

I put my phone number on my away message hoping someone will call, even though I know they won't

sometimes I cry myself to sleep at night, and then feel ashamed

Skyeler · Post by **Skyeler** » Sun Sep 04, 2005 4:55 am

I slept in his bed last night

I know where he keeps my gun (I just don't know where he put the bullets)

*pm ok/I don't care*

DecemberLivy · Post by **DecemberLivy** » Mon Sep 05, 2005 1:24 am

PM comment ok

trigs
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I tell everyone I am comfortable with my body shape, but I am not. I hate it so much I'll scratch my stomach when I'm alone in the bathroom. I don't know why I do this.

I have a crush on big adam, ben, sb, jack, nathan because I am so afraid of being alone I feel like I have have a crush on everyone.

I tell everyone I'm fine with being single, I'm not. I need to be loved, held, kissed, I can't help feeling so lonely. Watching romantic movies kills me. I saw this teenage couple cuddling at a bus stop the other day and I started crying because it reminded me of how alone I am.

I know why I keep getting dumped by guys, because I am always thinking 'why are you with me? this pretty girl just walked by, I can't compare, so why didn't you follow her?' so I don't respond when the kiss or touch or hug me in public, or even when we are alone.

some days I honestly think I'm not meant to be with anyone, if I was, he would be with me now.

I dream about cutting alot, its always in the back of my mind. If I see one more kissing couple I know I'm going to snap and start cutting again.

When I talk to guys I tend to pretend to be someone I'm not. Like more tougher, funnier, less depressed, clever. I am always terrified they won't like who I really am.

Big adam is the only guy who has told me I'm beautiful, and that he thought that the first time he saw me. I think that's why I have a crush on him, no guy has ever bothered to tell me i'm pretty before.

I have a crush on every guy who gives me a little bit of attention, I don't even think its a proper crush, just the result of many lonely years.

I want to abuse my body by cutting, smoking, drinking, doing drugs, because I don't really want to live past thirty. I dont want to be one of those typical middle aged people.

I lie to myself to pretend I'm a better person than I am.

Seeing my blood is the greatest pleasure I've had in a long time. No one will understand how it makes me feel, it just.. does.

I want therapy, but my mum wont get it for me because its too expensive. I want to talk to someone who doesn't know me, to pour my heart out and not care what they would think.

I put a little bit of myself into every character I write about. Like Gloria- I feel like a fake, Like Joel - I'm totally alone, Like Rowan- I fall for guys who show me the tiniest bit of attention, Like Jessica- I can't commit to a relationship and they always end in tatters, Like Friday- I feel fat and ugly, Like Francis- When I have a love intrest I forget all about my friends and become someone evil and horrible. the list is endless, you just need to spot me in them.

I love the feeling of being drunk or tipsy, because you honestly don't care about anything. When my mum found out i smoked while i was drunk, it didn't really register and i was blissfully happy. Of course when i woke up the morning after I had a hell of alot of talking to do but while I was drunk... nothing mattered.

I am a liar, and I don't care about it. The fact I don't care about who I lie to and what I lie about scares and shames me.

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end triggs

roseblum15 · Post by **roseblum15** » Mon Sep 05, 2005 11:20 pm

I wish you would move back closer to me.

I ask your for relationship help about Emily in hopes that you will somohow realize I would rather be with you.

VowsOfSadness · Post by **VowsOfSadness** » Tue Sep 06, 2005 3:11 am

pms ok
*and maybe even preferred

And now my dear friend sarah and her mom is very homophobic and her mom knows Im bi, but doesn't know sarahs bi. But my friend has a bigger secret--she has a crush on me. And she thinks no one knows.

I know my friends secret cause I'm sneaky and sly, she hasn't even told me yet (or anyone), but I know. And to make it worse I told one person. What a big difference one person makes. Because that one person told another and that person another and that person over heard and told others.

It got into the hands of people who hate sarah and they threw it in the face of her mom last night when sarah was staying over my house (Which apparently got around fast also). So sarah's mom called me and told me (so this is me hearing a roumer/secrect I accidently started come all the way back to me) and she told sarah.

So imigine sarah's shock to have a secret she is yet to tell come full circle back to her.

And I lied. Cause it took me a day to track down where my one fact had treaded its self through every dirty gossiper in the school back to us. But I still said I didn't know how it got out.

then I went and delt with it personally.

i guess its like mark twain said a lie can go half-way around the world while the truth is still putting on its shoes.

près de vous · Post by **près de vous** » Tue Sep 06, 2005 2:15 pm

i wanna cut again so i'll know i still need it and it's still a part of who i am.

~*Star*~ · Post by **~*Star*~** » Wed Sep 07, 2005 1:24 pm

i feel fraudlent because i'm doing well. i feel as though i shouldn't be because this time i didn't really try, it just happened. all the other times ive put my heart and soul into getting better it didn't work. this time i just didn't si at all for ages, realised, then didn't wana ruin it before i went to costa rica, didn't and now i'm on 4 months for no reason really. other than crappy 'i want nice legs for costa rica' reasoning. i feel so fake and like such a liar as i haven't even tried to stop... also, i haven't had that many occassions where i feel like i want to so i'm thinking maybe all the times i did hurt myself it was pathetic reasoning and i'm a weak person for turning to si when i didn't really need to. even though logically looking back i know i was in a much worse position than i am now... and it doesn't matter what influences your decision to si, its the actual act of si its self isn't it? i'm so confused. i feel so fake. i'm sat here reading posts by people who are trying so hard to stop, so hard to make their life better and i feel guilty because my life has been great for the last 4 (ish) months. i'm sat here now with hardly any real scars as even though my last si incident was 4 months ago to the day, my last serious incident was a year ago. i feel bad. i feel fake. i'm not even proud of myself today... when i was approaching 3 months i was so happy and pleased. today i feel fake and a liar.

i don't know if its just that i can now deal with bad things so i dont see them as a trigger or an influence in si, or whatever. because now when something happens i do something else, i dont even consider finding blades... which is why i feel so bad as other people have to try and try and try to get to this stage... its like, i dont feel as though i deserve these 4 months as i haven't had anything major to deal with... i don't understand it as i'm suposed to be happy right?

i should probably point out here that i'm not saying i want to cut, or i want to go back to si in any way as there is no way i am letting that back into my life now. i'm not saying i feel inadequate or out of place on this board because i haven't really activley si'ed in any big way in a year... as i feel fine on here and i want to try and help people like others have helped me. i'm not saying i want to cut, or some dodgy idea that i have to si to fit in or something as thats just plain dodgy and totally untrue for any situation in life .... just thought i'd clear that up as it could probably be interepreted like this. i'm happy i haven't si'ed, and that i haven't needed to si, but i feel inadequate at the same time.

i don't need or want si in my life anymore. that is how it is going to stay.

pm's are cool....

ArchyOpteryx · Post by **ArchyOpteryx** » Wed Sep 07, 2005 5:08 pm

i tried to post my worst secret as a guest
but i can't
so i will not post it
because i hate it so much i am afraid
but i posted this
because it hurts me so much to say nothing at all

Laura · Post by **Laura** » Wed Sep 07, 2005 5:33 pm

Nobody can post without being logged in.
Those posts that say "Guest" were made by users who later asked for their accounts to be deleted - that's what happens to the posts of a deleted account.

[This stuff's not a secret, btw

]

what_if · Post by **what_if** » Thu Sep 08, 2005 11:50 am

~ Comments very welcome ~

It kills me when i hear someone laughing. It literally grates on my ears. I find the sound of laughter worse than nails on a chalkboard.

*SU*
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It takes every ounce of strength in me to not run infront of every moving car i see.

*SI*
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I want to cut so badly. I'm afraid if i dont do it soon, I'll realize i dont need it.

VowsOfSadness · Post by **VowsOfSadness** » Fri Sep 09, 2005 12:11 am

i'm leading someone on....because someone led me on

SxcJulz4eva · Post by **SxcJulz4eva** » Fri Sep 09, 2005 12:29 am

-i still love him
- I want to be a goth, but i cant tell anyone
- Im scared i will never be with him
- I cry myself to sleep every night
- Every night i have an urge to get up and take those pills, the only thing stopping me is the thought maybe we will be together
- i think hes the one

LN7 · Post by **LN7** » Fri Sep 09, 2005 1:48 pm

*Comments ok, PM me*

-I say that I want her to work her marriage out but I secretly want it to break down completely and she knows that. I also know she will never leave him no matter how bad things get, it hurts to be in love with her.

-I hate it when men touch me unless they are very close friends or family and I don't know why, it's not like a man has ever hurt me or anything.

-I'm 21 and I am afraid of the dark still.

-I can't stand single gender groups where I don't know people well, all male or all female, they scare me.

-I am claustrophobic, but only when I am asleep.

*SA*
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-I have dreams about being raped as a child, they're just dreams, not nightmares, I have no idea where they come from and don't understand them. Nothing bad happened to me in my childhood so why do I dream it?

Skyeler · Post by **Skyeler** » Sat Sep 10, 2005 3:57 am

We stopped using protection two weeks ago...

shadow of a smile · Post by **shadow of a smile** » Sat Sep 10, 2005 6:21 am

once i tell people i SI, i want to run to them with all my problems and dump it all on them. not good.

Green Beauty · Post by **Green Beauty** » Sat Sep 10, 2005 4:17 pm

I lied to my friends about being allergic to nuts. Why i dont know..

fuzzy ducky · Post by **fuzzy ducky** » Sun Sep 11, 2005 12:45 am

I really like Enya

GirlInterrupted · Post by **GirlInterrupted** » Sun Sep 11, 2005 1:33 am

- I'm scared that I'll never be loved...

- I can't help sleeping with married men...

VowsOfSadness · Post by **VowsOfSadness** » Sun Sep 11, 2005 4:38 am

PMs would be nice

*Sex triggs*

I do things just because I'm afraid to look back and see things I didn't do. Which means I do a lot of bad things, just so I wont miss out.

Cause I look at my childhood and hate regretting not doing things.

I would sleep with this guy I gave my number to tonight just because the before mentioned reason.

It's like I did things I didnt want to do or had no reson to do when I was 15 just because I thought they were thing in my mind I felt 15 year olds do, sneaking out, smoking, etc.
Now that I'm 16 and I'm noticing even my goody goody friends are having sex and I always associated sex with 16 and cars. I dunno. I am worried I might do something that would hurt me cause I have very low impulse control.

It doesn't matter he wont call me I'm ugly.

Secrets(inspired by PostSecret)-Please Stay Safe!

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