no, they don't need anything.
* what had happened just before?
I was reading a book in my room.
* what were you thinking and feeling?
I have been having urges for several days...haven't acted on them much. But things seem to keep building and building and I wasn't able to get on BUS or get much privacy and it built more...and tonight I didn't expect to be able to get on BUS. And I was upset with myself for urges and intrusive thoughts and eating too much and all sorts of things. I felt like my head was spinning...so I tried other things. Tried to get some space by myself. Tried sleeping. Tried reading. Tried eating (again
). Nothing really helped, although I expect I could have kept from SIing if I had just kept doing them.* why did you end up hurting yourself then instead of some other time? was there an event that was teh final straw? what was it?
I didn't want to try anymore. It seemed so pointless not to do it when I knew it would help and I would feel better. And it isn't hurting anyone except me (and maybe any of you who read this...uh oh. Bad logic. Says hiding from BUS would be a responsible thing to do. I know not being on BUS contributed to this.) I can't think of any particular thing that set me off...I had been fighting it for so long, I don't know when I stopped fighting and started giving in.
* how did the situation get to the final straw stage? trace it back through the events thatled up to the last event. look for some point at which you could have made a different decisiona nd not arrived at the final straw.
I don't know. I could have made a different decision at any point, even to the point of getting the tool out. But I didn't. That concerns me...I didn't want to stop. I really want my tool. If I could get my tool I would probably do it again. There seems no point in resisting it...and I know I am not thinking clearly about this right now.
* were there outside factors like drugs, alsohol, being off your meds, lack of sleep, etc? can you address those in the future? how?
No outside factors other than tons of contact with people and very little access to support.
* what other ways of coping did you try besides self-harm? how well did they work?
I tried games, reading, cleaning, sleeping, and eating...maybe some other stuff I can't think of right now. Nothing really changed the feelings or situation much. It just filled time.
* in retrospect, are there coping methods that you now realize might have helped? what were they?
I think it would have helped if I could have gotten on here, but it might have actually made things worse...I don't know. I didn't have that option, so I have to look for other ones. Really, I can't think of anything that would have made any difference. I just gave up.
* name at least two things you will do to help yourself remember those coping methods if you end up in this situation again.
um...don't know what to say.
* how do you feel about the situation that led to self-harm now? is it resolved? if not, what are some steps you might take toward resolution?
I don't know exactly what the situation was. I don't know why I wanted to SI so much. I just did...and it lasted a long time. And I have no idea how to resolve it.
* are you likely to be in that emotional place again? how will you recognize it when you're in that situation?
yes, but I probably won't be able to identify it except by the urges.
* what will you try before you resort to self-harm if you're in that situation again? list three specific things you will commit to trying.
I don't know. I will try to get on BUS, but I tried this time and couldn't.
I don't have any idea what would have actually helped...
