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Guest · Post by **Guest** » Tue Aug 30, 2005 6:40 pm

Hey im very confused. All my life my mother has told me repedidly that she was never hard enough on me and that she should have been strickter and that im lazy and dont try hard enough. However today my bos says she wont write a letter saying what my dissablity is and how it effects my work because she says she donsnt see my dissability affecting my work and that im just too hard on myself.

I feel like screaming. How can i be "hard on myself, pushing myself to the max" and "lazy" at the same time???? HELP!

Chey

Post by **strmdncr** » Tue Aug 30, 2005 6:50 pm

Those are definitely two conflicting messages and I would be confused as well if I got that. Is it possible to find what you believe in...not what your mother has always told you (b/c as I told my 10 y/o niece two days ago, mothers aren't always right) or what your boss is telling you now...but rather what you feel, and what you would tell yourself if you could take a step back and look at your work ethics and abilities etc? I wish I knew what else to offer, I'm going to be on here for a bit if you want to pm me and talk.

katja · Post by **katja** » Tue Aug 30, 2005 9:34 pm

uhgh parents are nut cases sometimes.

MoonSprite · Post by **MoonSprite** » Thu Sep 01, 2005 6:35 pm

katja wrote:uhgh parents are nut cases sometimes.

Only Sometimes???

Mine always is!!

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Fri Sep 02, 2005 2:37 am

Well this might not be the best thing but being quiet and letting everyone push me arounds seems to be the safest thing to do. As long as im quiet and dont talk about myself or my problems, everyone gets along with me. I guess i can keep doing that. I did it most of my life. lol.

Chey

Post by **strmdncr** » Fri Sep 02, 2005 6:23 am

As long as im quiet and dont talk about myself or my problems, everyone gets along with me. I guess i can keep doing that. I did it most of my life.

I hope I'm not being rude or anything but just wondering, you say you did it most of your life. What did you do the other times? Also is that what you want to continue doing? Just asking b/c I used to be like that, still am sometimes but slowly learning to make myself heard...especially good with places like this online.

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Fri Sep 02, 2005 10:01 am

Well i guess i should try to explain it cause then i can get the help i need.

Well, ive always been shy and a listener without commenting. but more recently i have been saying everything on my mind without thinking of the consiquences of what i say (that it might be extreamly rude and hurtful).

So i need to start finding a nicer way of reacting to others comments without sounding rude or conceaded.

I guess i feel sad when people say they liked me when i was before (quiet and just listened). I didnt like being quiet cause i had so much to say however i am not always sure when the best time to comment is, and when its better not to say anything.

A lot of times i bottle up my emotions for so long i just blow up and unfortunatly it can be months or years after the incident that bothered me in the first place.

Chey

Post by **strmdncr** » Fri Sep 02, 2005 5:15 pm

A lot of times i bottle up my emotions for so long i just blow up and unfortunatly it can be months or years after the incident that bothered me in the first place.

I've done that one lots, the bottling up of emotions and then all of a sudden blowing. For me it usually ends up being something unrelated that triggers it too and then the person is completely lost as to why I'm so upset. There will always be people who are not happy with the fact your changing, that want you to stay as they figure you should be, but I've found that those who truly care about you will stick around...as much of cliche as that sounds. Not always easy, even those who care get angry when you change but if it's what you feel is best for yourself then I wish you all the luck and hope for the best for you.

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Mon Sep 05, 2005 8:50 pm

thanks!

chloe312 · Post by **chloe312** » Tue Sep 06, 2005 12:16 pm

i hav similar problem. used to b quiet etc, very well behaved and obideint, never argued bak and always did what i was told without questioning it. i thnk i found my voice out of desperation. realised i didnt have to live for my dad, i hav my own expectations of my life now, not his. he still judges me and pressures me and doesnt even no the real me but parents will always think they no best, bcos thats wot bein a parent is all about!!!
u cud try sumthin that helped me, with my therapy grouo we went to the countryside, out in a field alone and just screamed. relieveing, and great to b loud and free to b

bus

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